Does my mother-in-law not love me at all?

Have you ever experienced your partner belittling you and then saying, "I was just joking, there's nothing to get upset about"? Making it seem like a joke while actually crossing boundaries is a manipulative tactic. Have you looked at it from this perspective?

Have you ever had someone say something completely dismissive of your feelings, like "Why are you worrying about things like this? I don’t understand at all" at a time when you felt really bad? I mean, they’re belittling your emotions and trying to portray you as someone who overreacts. It’s a very sly form of passive-aggressiveness.

Have you ever had someone bring up an event from the past and describe it in detail while you don't remember it, then say something like, "It was insignificant to you anyway, it was another memory for us"? Those who tend to manipulate discussions by bringing up old topics are usually trying to control the present moment too. Have you noticed this point?

Have others ever said something indirectly critical about you when they were around you? Like, "Our girl is a bit impatient, there's nothing we can do about it," saying something that seems sweet but is actually targeting you? Such comments usually aim to narrow your space in the environment.

Has anyone ever "let it slip" about you in front of others, revealing a personal piece of information or detail? For example, they spread something that should have stayed between you two, but they try to make it seem like it was an accident. Actually, they're doing it to undermine your position. Did you notice that?

Have you ever experienced someone indirectly blaming you by not saying "it's your fault" outright, but implying it? For example, a problem arises, and they don't directly say anything, but while explaining, they point you out with details. It's not clear, but it creates a constant sense of discomfort.

Have you ever been used as a go-between instead of someone directly saying something to their partner or others? For example, they say, "You tell them to do this," putting you in the position of a message carrier. This could also be a form of control.

Have you ever had someone indirectly harm your relationship with another person? For example, they provide false information about you or an issue, creating a negative atmosphere with that person, but later they deflect responsibility by saying, "I didn't mean it that way." It's like a version of manipulation that creates rivalry.

Has he ever given you a gift and then said something like, "Don't touch it, you'll break it; I'll take care of it?" It seems like he's trying to diminish the value he places on you and take control for himself. Sometimes, even a gift becomes a power game.

Have you ever experienced someone who pretends to support your idea at first, then says "But I wouldn't think that way" or "In our time, such things weren't done" to undermine it? In other words, approving you at first, then making you feel worthless with a condescending remark. This is actually an indirect display of power.

Have you ever had someone act like they were praising you in the past, only to later say, "But we would have done this differently, it would have been more accurate," making a comparison that belittles you? What you thought was praise might actually be aimed at highlighting your shortcomings. They may be subtly trying to always present you as "less."

Have they ever talked about someone else doing the same thing better without directly criticizing what you did? For example, you're cooking a dish, and they come and say, "Ayşe's pastries are my favorite; she always makes them so uniquely." It creates the impression of criticizing the work, not you, but still leaves you in the shadow.

Have you ever been positioned as if you're just a "helper"? Like, you're doing a job but someone says, "Oh, handle this as well, you’re already doing it anyway." They might be downplaying what you do and piling more work on you. I'd say to look at the actual intention behind it.

Have you ever had someone sabotage your decision in some way instead of directly commenting on it? For instance, you're making a plan, they say "how nice," but then at the last minute, something comes up that puts you in a difficult situation. There's no open objection, but the functionality is always undermined. This is a passive-aggressive form of control.

Have you ever had a moment when your partner revealed something private that they shouldn't have known about? You hadn't shared it, but somehow they learned and spread it around. This can also be a violation of boundaries and a test of control.

Have you ever had someone ignore an event, celebration, or day that you care about? For instance, they might have forgotten to call you on your birthday and just brushed it off with "I forgot" or belittled a special achievement of yours. Sometimes, passive behaviors can convey the same message as not doing something actively.

Have you ever had a situation where you clearly disagreed with your partner, and they acted like they were on your side, but then said something different when you were alone? I mean, they seem to agree with you but actually support their partner behind your back. This is a form of manipulation. People like that don’t like to be clear.

Have they ever talked about their own feelings or discomforts in a way that seems to indirectly blame you? For example, saying "I'm not used to this house, it feels strange," could actually be aimed at your effort and presence regarding the house or the arrangement. They don't say it directly, but the implication tends to fall on you.

Have they ever talked about you through a third person without sharing their own opinion directly? For instance, "My friend said that maybe Bahar should do this a little differently." The criticism may not be stated as their own but still targets you. This is also a technique.

Have you ever spoken about an issue with your spouse as if you were right, and then when you were alone with them, said something like "Actually, I agree, but I didn’t want to upset them"? In other words, showing a different face to everyone. This is another form of manipulation.

Have you ever had someone praise your spouse instead of directly complimenting or congratulating you, making your efforts seem secondary? For example, saying something like "What a great choice my son made" or "With the woman you chose, our job is easier." It sounds like praise, but it feels like they don't see you as an individual. This might not mean they dislike you, but rather that they are diminishing your role.

Has anyone ever criticized you "in jest" in front of others? You know, it's done in a playful manner, but what they reveal publicly bothers you. It's not a direct insult, but it gives off a slight teasing vibe. I think it creates more psychological pressure.

Does it ever happen that someone compares you to another family member indirectly, rather than addressing you directly? For example, saying "Ahmet's wife did this, how thoughtful". It's a subtle way of making a point through comparison, and it can be hard to notice.

Have you ever had someone talk next to you as if they were criticizing you, but actually addressing your partner? For example, something like "Bahar sometimes worries too much, you should say something." When the person they are directly talking to isn't you, it becomes harder to defend yourself. It leaves you feeling like a passive target.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone talked about you when you weren’t around, and then relayed that conversation to you indirectly, messing with your nerves? For example, something like "The other day I mentioned you to the neighbor, they didn’t find your attitude very supportive." So they’re manipulating others and leaving you vulnerable.

Have you ever had someone disturb you with passive-aggressive little actions instead of saying anything directly to your face? For example, if you're placing something incorrectly, instead of making a fuss and correcting it, they just sigh and go do it themselves. There's no direct conversation, but they create an atmosphere of "you can't do this right" in the environment.

Have you ever felt like a guest? For example, when they act like the house is theirs and say, "Leave it to me, I got this" when you try to help. It's like a way of asserting control while keeping you out.

Have you ever shared something special with your partner, only to feel like they pulled you back by saying, "But my mom wouldn't want that"? It's as if they intruded on your personal space while also leaving you out of the decision-making process. This could be more about trying to establish a power balance than about love or affection.

Has your partner ever acted as if they were belittling what you said in front of them? For example, you express an opinion and they immediately change the subject or act as if you’re always exaggerating. It may seem like they’re not doing anything directly, but they might be trying to make you look small in their eyes.

Have you ever felt inadequate when it comes to children in your presence? For example, when someone says something like, "Back in the day, we raised children like this and that, but now nobody has any patience," they are indirectly criticizing you but really questioning how well you are raising your own kids. It becomes challenging to balance things in such situations, both between your mother and your spouse, and between the mother and her grandchildren.

Have you ever felt like your partner constantly assumes good intentions on behalf of their mother, ignoring your feelings? For example, you say, "This bothers me," and they brush it off by saying, "My mom didn't mean it that way." This means that the issue doesn't just rest with the mother-in-law, but it also leaves you feeling vulnerable in your relationship with your partner.

Have you ever been completely ignored in a social setting that was different? Like at a family gathering where they focused solely on their own family and excluded you from conversations, disregarding your opinions or even your existence? This could also be a form of power play, sending the message, "you don't belong here."

Has your spouse ever belittled the fact that they consult you about something, saying something like, "What's the point, if we just did what I said, that would be enough"? In other words, they might be excluding you from the decision-making process while trying to position their authority higher in your spouse's eyes.

Have you ever experienced a situation where, even though it was clear they were wrong on a topic, they tried to justify themselves with phrases like "You misunderstood, I didn't mean it that way," making you feel paranoid? If there's this kind of manipulation, it might be more about making you question yourself than whether you like them or not.

Have there ever been times when children tried to undermine you? For example, you say something, and that child turns to them and intervenes with an attitude that bypasses you as an authority, saying something like, "Don't do that, your mom misunderstood." I think this is a direct power struggle.

Have you ever had your ideas or preferences dismissed as too "modern" or "new generation" by someone? For example, when you think differently about a topic, they might belittle your perspective by saying something like, "It was like this in our time, this new style seems ridiculous to me." This could also be an attempt to establish superiority.

Have you ever had someone drop a comment about something completely unrelated? For example, you're cooking, and they say, "Our boy isn't used to this kind of food, but what can you do, they're just young people." It's not a direct confrontation, but it's passive-aggressive. If they keep repeating it, their intentions become clear.

Has anyone ever treated you like a host while they were a guest? For example, taking charge of the living room and preparing the refreshments seems to fall to you, while they act as if they were the guest. It feels like they are sending the message, "I am the main woman here."

Have you ever had someone throw a personal detail at you? For instance, while talking about children's bedtime or habits, making a comment like, "In our time, children didn’t get used to such things" in an attempt to make you feel inadequate as a mother. I think more personal attacks really show the emotional boundary.

Has your partner ever hinted at something like "this shouldn't be discussed in front of you"? For example, turning to your spouse on a private matter and saying, in a tone you can hear, "we'll talk about this later." This could be a behavior that both excludes you and portrays you as if you might "do something wrong."

Has anyone ever said anything to critique your profession or busyness? For instance, something like "While you're at work, the kids are left to me, I'm really tired" or "Well, you're a woman but you barely manage to get home". It could be an effort to create a constant atmosphere of "you're not enough" without direct conflict.

Has your partner ever indirectly criticized you by mentioning their past habits? For example, saying, "Our boy used to be very organized, he never missed meal times." If there's an implication that the boy has become disorganized since being with you, this is a very subtle way of belittling. It's not communication, it's sending a direct message.

Has your spouse ever commented on your support as if it's "just making the woman think of herself"? For example, if your spouse stands by your side, has someone ever made a remark like, "How nice, my son prioritizes his wife; in our time, men weren't like this"? It seems like it is meant to both make you look spoiled and imply that your son is being "changed."

Has he ever shown discomfort when you needed to do something independently from him? For example, spending time with your own family, participating in a work-related event, or making plans with your friends… If he implied something like, "In our time, women used to think of their husband's family first," this could be an attempt to broaden his control.

Have your children ever subtly criticized you in front of them? For instance, at a moment when they objected to something, saying something like, "Look at mom, she’s going her own way again." If they try to use the kids like that, it can get even more unpleasant.

Has anyone ever made a backhanded comment about your mother, father, or sibling? For example, saying something like "Your mom seems like a bit of a reserved person, we wouldn't be like that". Sometimes they hit you not directly, but by touching on your family.

Has he ever implied anything through gifts? For instance, something he received or gave on special occasions, saying something like, "We value such things; I guess you don’t have many traditions." Attempts to belittle someone through cultural or value differences can happen with such remarks.

Does your partner ever silently signal or glance at you to show they're bothered by you? Some people create tension with gestures instead of words. If they do this especially in public or in front of others, they might be trying to passive-aggressively humiliate you in front of everyone.

Has anyone ever excluded you by bringing up food topics? For example, inviting you to a meal and saying, "This is a flavor that our family loves; it might seem a bit different to you." Sometimes, these kinds of "we" statements are used to exclude.

Have you ever noticed that when your spouse sets a boundary with their mother in front of you, the mother-in-law might brush it off with silence or a sarcastic smile? Sometimes, instead of direct confrontation, they try to digest that loss of authority this way. But this silence is often the calm before the storm.

Do you ever feel like you're being indirectly targeted when talking to guests or people from outside? For example, something like "Our daughter-in-law is very modern, she doesn't really care about traditional things." It's not direct, but if they're beating around the bush, they might be trying to win others over to their side.

Have you ever had someone use their health issues or age as an excuse to try to influence your decisions regarding work, children, or your spouse under the guise of "help"? For example, they might try to pressure you into a choice by saying, "My blood pressure is rising, those things tire me out very much." If illness is being used as a weapon, it can become an untenable situation.

Have they ever tried to portray you as "overly sensitive" or "exaggerating" by using the kids? For example, in an incident where they say, "You blow everything out of proportion, even the kids notice it," trying to make you look like an overdramatic mom. Things like this not only weaken you but also undermine your authority.

Have you ever had someone say something that belittles or downplays your achievements? Especially in relation to your career or work. For instance, something like "You’re working, but kids need a mom too; money isn’t everything." If it subtly sends the message "you’re insignificant," it could be a conscious move.

Has he ever made a suggestion directly in front of you to his spouse like "you should get your wife under control a bit more"? I mean, an attempt to portray you as someone who clearly needs to be monitored. Such things are aimed at undermining his authority over you.

Has there ever been a time when your partner consulted you about something related to the kids, but specifically left you out of the equation? For example, saying, "What do you think, son, should we do it this way for the kids?" Such moves may be aimed at excluding you from the decision-making processes within the family.

Has anyone ever tried to impose some "rules" specifically on you? For example, things like "This is not how we do things when guests come to our house" or "As far as I know, brides should behave like this." Sometimes, this is an attempt to mold you into their own patterns; they might be trying to shape you without you even realizing it.

Does your family ever compare you to themselves? For example, saying things like "In our time, my mom would do this" or "My brother treats his wife like this." Sometimes, this can be a tactic to make you feel inadequate or wrong.

Has anyone ever mocked you for your hobbies or the time you take for yourself? For example, saying something like, "You're a mother now and you're still dealing with stuff like this." Sometimes they might try to ignore you as an individual by using motherhood as an excuse.

Has anyone ever manipulated you by comparing you to your father-in-law or your own son? For example, saying "Your father would have done it this way, look you're making things difficult" or "My son never used to worry about these things." This can be done to make you feel alone and create the perception that "the problem is you."

Does he ever tell a constant "sacrifice story" about himself? For example, things like "If I were you, I would have given up on everything long ago; look at what sacrifices we made for family back in the day." Sometimes the real message is to belittle your efforts and elevate himself.

Have you ever felt like they tried to portray you as "too ambitious" within the family? For example, comments like "Hülya works too hard, we would prefer a more laid-back life" or "Does your work-focused attitude affect the kids?" Sometimes, this can be a subtle way of questioning your priorities and trying to make you look bad to others.

Has she ever subtly criticized you by bringing someone else from the family into it instead of addressing you directly? For example, saying something like, "Ayşe's husband does this and that so well, how lucky they are." These kinds of comments can sometimes make you feel unjustly criticized and serve as another way to say "set an example."

Have there ever been times when, while you were there, kids directly ignored you and intervened? For example, like when they say "This isn't allowed, don't do it this way," undermining your authority. Because this is directly trying to devalue you as a mother.

Have you ever felt "inadequate" in household chores? For example, "A guest was coming, if I were you, I would have done this too." Sometimes, this carries both an intervention and an upper-hand message of "I know better."

Have you ever questioned your partner's decisions? For example, something like "You've done it this way, but the right way would have been like this." Sometimes, it intrudes between you in this way to make you look inadequate beside them.

Have children ever tried to portray you as a "tough" personality? Like saying "Tell your mom not to be so strict". Most of the time, the aim behind this is to criticize you under the pretext of the children.

Have you ever experienced your partner acting as if they were your defender while leaving you alone? For instance, during an argument, saying something like, "Actually, they're right; you're overreacting a bit." This can sometimes be a tactic that undermines trust between you, making you feel like an "outsider."

Has he ever spoken in a way that would make him appear as a victim? For instance, something like, "I don't interfere with anyone, everyone does what they want anyway." It's not a direct criticism, but it could be an attempt to create a vibe of "I'm always left out."

Has it ever happened that they talked about something indirectly, as if they were complaining to your partner? For example, saying something like "You're not telling Hülya anything, that's why it's happening like this." This can sometimes be a way to exert control through your partner rather than directly with you.

Has anyone ever directly commented on your hobbies, preferences, or outlook on life? Like saying something along the lines of, "You spend time on stuff like this, and then you can't keep up with that." Because this might imply an intention to belittle you as an individual.

Has anyone ever constantly praised the past to you, saying something like, "In our time, such things didn't happen"? I mean, a stance that devalues both you and everything you're doing now as modern. This is also a kind of implication of "my way is right, you can't do it."

Have you ever had someone insist on something you were trying to set a boundary around by saying, "But I’m only doing this with good intentions..."? Sometimes, this can be a passive-aggressive way to legitimize crossing boundaries. Good intentions do not justify the behavior.

Have you ever had someone pretend to do something for you while actually creating a bigger problem with their actions? For example, saying, "I brought the dough for the dumplings so Hülya wouldn't get too tired while cooking," leading everyone to think you're not a good host. These kinds of "innocent contributions" can actually be made to make you look weak.

Have you ever experienced a situation with your partner where they silenced you or interrupted you? For instance, while you were explaining something, they would say, "Let’s move on from this" and change the subject. Sometimes, this can be a way of trying to silence you and assert their authority.

Have you ever received a gift from someone, and then they constantly referred to that gift in conversations? For instance, something like "I bought it for you after thinking so much, and you didn't even say thank you." This could actually be a way to remind you of their kindness and make you feel guilty.

Have you ever pouted and created a tense atmosphere when your spouse clearly sided with you? This often becomes a way of indirectly sending the message "I'm not being supported." It's always about trying to justify oneself in that situation.

Have you ever had someone who didn't directly belittle your opinion or decision, pretending to passive-aggressively agree by saying "You know better" or "Of course, I won't interfere," but then tried to tell others a different story behind your back? This could be a way of spreading the things they can't say to your face through insinuations around you.

Have you ever received a comment about your parenting that says, "I'm just thinking of what's best for them"? If it's coming through the kids, it's often a direct message to you. Criticism of motherhood feels like a direct invitation to a battle.

Have you ever had someone try to impose their own ways on you? For example, saying, "I always did it this way, so you should do it this way too." This can be an attempt to undermine your decisions and methods.

Have you ever had someone say, "We don't have such things here" and try to shame you for something you did in your own family? There comes a moment when they seem to view their own culture as superior and give you the "wrong" message. This can be an attempt to belittle both your past and you.

Have you ever had someone pretend to praise you while actually criticizing you? For example, saying something like, "You seem skilled, but of course, we wouldn't do it that easily here." This can be a way of both devaluing you and emphasizing their own superiority.

Have you ever had someone criticize you indirectly by pretending to aim at your partner? For example, saying "Ahmet wasn't like this before, he's changed a lot now" could be implying your influence. They might think they're removing you from the equation while it's really a subtle attack.

Have you ever been silenced by someone saying you're "too sensitive"? You know, when you tell them that something they did bothered you, instead of addressing the main issue, they accuse you of being overly sensitive. It can feel like they're trying to make you feel like you're constantly standing in the wrong place.

Has anyone ever said something like "They managed to do this too" while praising something of yours to your spouse or someone else? In other words, their praise might carry an underlying message of "it's not enough, but at least they tried," which could be making you feel inadequate. It seems to me like they can't even give you proper praise.

Have you ever had someone, whether your partner or others, act like they are defending you but actually made your situation worse? For instance, saying something like "He's actually a good person, but sometimes he does things like this." They try to appear neutral while still throwing you under the bus.

Has anyone ever chosen a gift for you based on their own taste instead of yours? I mean, like ignoring your preferences and acting with an attitude of "You should be happy with this." This could also convey a kind of message of "I know better."

Has anyone ever said something like "If I were you, I would do it this way"? Something that makes you feel inadequate, as if your choice could never be right. This often serves as a form of subtle manipulation.

Have you ever had someone tell about your success as if it were their own and received applause for it? For example, if they shared a dish you made with their spouse by saying something like, "I gave them the recipe, that's why it turned out so well." While your work is being diminished, they are actually taking ownership of it.

Have you ever had someone who pretends not to want you to do anything, but then turns around and blames you with an attitude like, "I didn't want it this way, but okay?" In other words, they may act like what's being said isn't being done and then try to shift the responsibility onto you. This is usually a passive-aggressive tactic.

Have you ever found yourself saying something like "I'm not your mother" while also pulling back, creating distance and rejecting responsibilities? This can often signal a desire to invest less emotionally in the relationship. But it’s almost like drawing an invisible boundary.

Has there ever been a situation where someone intervened in a matter related to children and then, when something went wrong, tried to wash their hands of it by saying, "I wasn't involved"? I mean a situation where they are trying to maintain control while avoiding responsibility. This could also be an approach that pushes boundaries.

Have you ever had your partner agree with you on something in front of others, but then when you're alone, they say the exact opposite and make it seem like you were in the wrong? I mean, they might seem supportive on the surface, but behind the scenes, they could be changing their stance. This creates a frustrating kind of passive aggression.

Have you ever had someone constantly trying to correct things in a specific area just for you? For example, your closet organization, your way of cooking, or how you engage with children. It's like a subtle, ongoing critique about your competence. I think this sends an overarching message of "not being satisfied."

Have you ever shared a special decision with your partner, and received comments that start with, "Oh, is that what you thought? I..."? They don't directly intervene in your decision, but there’s often this kind of approach that makes you feel like your thought is lacking or insufficient, especially from mothers-in-law. It's like a subtle attempt to impose their own opinion.

Have you ever said something like, "I’m really exhausted too, but no one cares" when you were sick or going through a tough time? I mean, an attitude that overshadows your struggles or makes it feel like no one cares about you. This sometimes creates a subtle sense of insensitivity.

Have you ever had someone smile at you and then complain about you to another family member? For example, when you're not around, they make your actions sound wrong and try to create a different perception. If that's happened, it's a more dangerous game because they might be trying to manipulate relationships behind the scenes.

Has there ever been a situation where, although it didn't directly interfere with something you did, someone belittled that work or decision with a phrase like, "After all, the young people want it this way, what can we say?"? I mean, it's not making you look bad, but at the same time, it suggests that they find the decisions taken somewhat trivial. This can create a vibe of "I don't approve, but I'm not getting involved," which might serve as a way to get ahead.

Has anyone ever said something like, "In our time, everyone was more considerate" in relation to cooking or hosting guests? This kind of comment might not target you directly and seems like a general criticism, but it could actually be questioning your skills. This is usually a more passive form of pressure.

Have you ever made or bought a gift for your spouse and they looked at you as if to say, "Oh, how nice, where did you come up with this idea?" but then, in a condescending way, said something like, "Of course, they love these things now"? It's both a compliment and a devaluation at the same time. Such a sneaky move.