My sister is getting engaged but my mom doesn't want her to

Perhaps your mother's main concern is not so much your sister's engagement, but the fact that she will be leaving home. For some mothers, this process can trigger anxieties like "the child is leaving, I'm losing control." Does your mother perhaps want to maintain a "central" place in your sister's life?

How does your brother behave despite your mother's strong opposition? After all, your mother might not approve of the son-in-law and could be finding it strange that your brother is being so insistent or bold about this. For example, how does your brother communicate with her regarding this issue?

Does your sister really love the person she got engaged to, or is she just in this because he seems like a "good candidate"? Sometimes mothers can sense that their children have a logical reason behind a decision rather than an emotional one, and that’s why they might oppose it. Does your mother have any doubts like "are you really happy with this guy?"

Look at whether the mother is concerned about the son-in-law or competing with someone in the family. Sometimes they get too caught up in a relative's words, it grows secretly with comments like, "this happened there, they told us this." The issue may completely relate to a fight with an outsider. You might not hear this directly from your mother, try talking to someone else.

Could your mother also be reflecting something from her own marriage experience? Maybe she's noticing the mistakes she made or connecting an event from her past to this relationship. Has she ever hinted at something like that about her own past before?

Maybe the issue isn't the groom, your brother, or even your mother. Is it possible that someone else in the family, particularly your father or elders, is pressuring your mother about this? If someone has planted a thought in her mind like, "This won't be right," she might not be openly expressing it to you. Rather than focusing on your mother, it’s important to listen to the voices from the background.

Your mother's disapproval may also stem from a general distrust in children's decision-making. Does she have the perception that "my child cannot make the right choice"? Has she exhibited such controlling behavior regarding your or your siblings' lives before?

Is your mother-in-law concerned about the "engagement business" in general rather than just about you? For some families, the showiness of the engagement process, the preparations, and what everyone said can be more troubling. Perhaps there’s some discomfort related to the social aspect of the situation, especially due to perceptions in the surrounding environment. Your sister may have come to an agreement with her fiancé, but I think you should question the idea of "preparing for the engagement."

You say your mother doesn't want the groom, but could there be an issue related to the fiancé's family? You know how sometimes family harmony is just as important as the bride and groom themselves, could something have come up from that angle? On your mother's side, there might be a concern regarding the boy's family; have you discussed this at all?

Some mothers pretend they don't want their son-in-law or the fiancé, but in reality, it stems from their fear of being alone. The thought of losing another person from the home, especially their daughter, can trigger those feelings. Think about how your mother is experiencing this process; perhaps there is a fear of "you're leaving and you're going to forget me."

Perhaps the issue is the opposite; your mother might be uncomfortable with how quickly the son-in-law was accepted. Is there not a questioning, a thought of "Is it really that easy?"? Couldn't a too-quick trust have made the mother feel that something was lacking or superficial?

But maybe your mother doesn't want the engagement because she sees it as a very long process? For some people, engagement is not a "temporary phase" but rather something that should quickly lead to marriage. There might be a resistance against the idea of "let the engagement extend so they can get to know each other better." Could it be that your mother thinks that if marriage is to happen, the engagement should come to a swift conclusion?

Could it be that your mother's reluctance is due to the influence the groom has on your sibling? Sometimes, an external pressure or guidance might be perceived by a mother, making her feel uncomfortable. Have you ever made an observation about your fiancé's attitude that is independent of your mother's perspective?

Could your mother be worried about your fiancé's financial situation or career plans? Sometimes, even if not explicitly stated, concerns like "Is this relationship sustainable?" can turn into a reaction of disapproval. Are your sibling's plans clear on this matter, or is there some ambiguity?

It's not that your mother doesn't want the engagement, but could it be that, as his mother, she doesn't want him to be "denied a voice"? I mean, decisions are made, but he might feel like he's not included in the process. Such fragilities can sometimes come across as "I don't want it". Has anyone ever asked for his opinion, it seems?

So, could the groom's family have made any requests from your sibling or your side? Sometimes tensions arise due to economic or cultural expectations, and the mother might notice this and feel uneasy. Is there an unspoken sense of negotiation?

Could the reason your mother doesn't want it be related to her own position rather than your brother's fiancée? For instance, thoughts like, "who will inherit after me, how will it be" concerning inheritance, the house, and arrangements might be on her mind? Sometimes these thoughts aren't spoken directly but can be reflected in actions.

Does your mother really not want this, or is she using it as a way to block your brother? Sometimes, mothers who want to protect their daughters may not directly target the fiancé but act as if they are "making things difficult". So, is the objection here to the engagement itself or to the idea of getting engaged?

So, could the experience your mother had in her own marriage process affect her perspective on the engagement process? Perhaps she reflects on her own experiences and projects them onto your sibling's process. Has this topic ever been discussed in the past?

Could your mother's reason for not wanting it be the dynamics with the groom's family? Your sister might have felt a sense that "she will be closer to their family" after a marriage. Sometimes, these types of fears of fragmentation cast a shadow over the engagement process.

Could it be that what your mother actually doesn’t want isn’t the engagement process itself, but rather a concern about the "balance" in the relationships between your family and your fiancé’s family? You know, things are good now, but when it comes to expenses for the wedding, setting up a home, or issues regarding grandchildren, she might be wondering who will have more influence, who will get involved more. Is there, for instance, this kind of tension over "who will take the lead"?

Is your mother ignoring the fiancé and directly thinking about the possible failure after the wedding? Is she in a mindset of predicting from the start, like saying "this won't work, better stop it now"? Because there might also be a situation where she's focusing on the result rather than the process.

Could the reason your mother doesn't want this be more about the fear that either you or your sibling might take a "wrong step" in this process, rather than something related to your sibling's fiancé? Sometimes families get caught up in the anxiety of "what happens after that decision" instead of questioning their children’s choices, and they try to hold back. Is she viewing the situation not as something personal but rather as being part of a "wrong system"?

So, if your mother cancels this engagement, what will your sibling's attitude towards her be? Is she thinking about that? In other words, if this "I don't want this" state creates a rift in the future, has she taken that risk into account? Maybe she can't fully calculate the consequences.

I think your mother's reluctance might be somewhat related to control. The engagement issue triggers the feeling in children that they are "building an independent life apart from me." This can evolve into a fear of losing her own position for some mothers. For instance, could your mother have felt that your engagement might lead to a decrease in attention from your sibling?

Has there been such tension between your mother and your sibling before? In other words, has your mother tried to interfere with their decisions in the past as well? If this isn't the first time, the issue might be less about the engagement and more about your mother's efforts to maintain her influence in your sibling's life.

Could your mother see an issue not with you, but with the socio-economic status or the environment of your fiancé's family? You know, a concern like "we're not equal to that family, it might cause issues." Even if she doesn't vocalize it, she may be carrying a worry about such class differences.

Maybe the issue isn't about your brother-in-law's family or their socio-economic status, but rather about the process your sister shared with your mother when making this decision. If your mother feels excluded or like just an "observer" who was merely informed, that might have contributed to her strong reaction. It's important to consider where you placed your mother in this process; have you ever asked her about it?

Have you ever tried asking your mother directly why she doesn't want you to? I mean, has there been a confrontation where you've said openly, "Why don't you want to?" Maybe everyone is making assumptions, but your mother might be looking at it from a different perspective.

Are you questioning your brother's will regarding this engagement issue, or do you think his fiancée is more dominant? In other words, is the real concern something like "is my brother being deceived?" Has this kind of worry ever been expressed?

If your mother did not express a direct concern about your brother's fiancée, could it be that rumors circulating from person to person or opinions from outsiders have mixed in? In other words, perhaps our mother has an external influence that triggers her own worries. Is there something akin to neighborhood pressure going on?

Was your mother's reaction a bit too sudden? I mean, was there an immediate and clear rejection upon hearing about the engagement, or did she express discomfort gradually over time? It could be a stance that says "no" with snap decisions rather than taking time to reflect on certain things. Is there a chance that your mother might change her mind over time, or is her opinion very firm?

When your mother was against the engagement, did she ever face the groom's side directly? In other words, was there a real social interaction, or was the opposition shaped solely by hearsay? Because if there is no personal acquaintance, your mother's concerns could be based on assumptions. She might have instinctively wanted to say "no" to an unfamiliar situation.

Has your mother mentioned anything to someone else while wanting this engagement, like a close relative or neighbor? She might have expressed her thoughts more clearly outside. Could there be a clue from those conversations?

Perhaps the issue is not with the groom or his family, but rather with your sibling's age or another situation in their life. Mothers sometimes say things like "it's too early, there's still time" and may have reservations that are independent of the engagement. If your sibling has a different plan for their life, they may not be able to express it.

What was your mother's general attitude toward her brother before the engagement was announced? Was there already tension or a sense of "disapproval" between them? Sometimes, the dynamics of an existing relationship become more apparent when a new issue arises.

Could your mother's refusal be related to how your sibling goes about making decisions rather than your fiancé? In other words, there might be feelings of resentment or a sense of being overlooked, such as "she took such an important step without even asking us." Mothers can sometimes get hung up on these kinds of details rather than the essence of the situation.

Perhaps the reason your mother doesn't want this engagement is entirely due to her own fears. The absence of a child from the home, especially if there is a routine she is very accustomed to, creates a significant feeling of emptiness for a mother. Could it be, then, that the issue is less about the fiancé and more about the thought of "leaving" within the mother?

Could your mother perhaps have a bad experience related to her own marriage in the past? I mean, maybe she is projecting due to her own experiences, which is why she sees the engagement as a threat. Is it possible that she doesn't find the fiancé problematic directly, but rather sees marriage itself as an issue?

Do you remember if your mother reacted similarly at someone else's engagement or wedding before? Is she doing this as a defense mechanism in certain situations, or is her reaction just so strong for this engagement? It might be necessary to look into the past to understand her perspective.

Perhaps your mother’s concern is about something related to the groom’s family, but she might not be able to express it openly. You know how sometimes people can’t articulate exactly what disturbs them; there can be an abstract resistance that feels like "I sense something odd." Could she have noticed something about the groom’s family? Have you observed the behavior of both parties closely?

Maybe your mother isn't sure this engagement will go anywhere in the future, and that's why she's behaving coldly at first. So she might feel like something is missing or that it's rushed. Have you ever directly asked her "why don't you want it?" instead of being vague about it?

I suggest you look into who your mother is talking to regarding this engagement and what influences she is receiving from her surroundings. Sometimes the issue can grow not from her own opinions, but from something she heard from a neighbor or relative. It's important to see who is filling her ear with such things.

Perhaps the reason your mother is against it is the engagement, but rather the "form" of the engagement. Some mothers may get upset just because the customs are not properly followed or the procedures are overlooked. For example, could she be wondering whether there should have been a preliminary agreement first? If there is such a shortcoming, she might not express it, but it might be growing within her.

Is the reason your mother doesn't want it a power struggle between her and your sister, or is it a matter of authority? It could be a reflex like "It won't happen without my approval." So, if the issue is more about testing her own authority rather than the engagement itself, she might take the reaction more personally. Is there any sign of this at all?

Did your mother make an effort to get to know your fiancé one-on-one? I mean, is there distance or prejudice, or does she really not want to because she knows him well? If there's no acquaintance, she might be resisting solely because of a scenario she's constructed in her mind.

Perhaps your mother does not trust your sister's decision-making skills. So she may be questioning your sister's maturity in making this choice, rather than the fiancé himself. Has she had similar concerns about decisions your sister has made before?

Your mother doesn't want the engagement, but could it have more to do with your family dynamics than with the fiancé? For example, is the idea of your sister leaving home difficult for her? Sometimes parents behave this way because they feel that if one of their children leaves, the others will have more of a burden. Could your mother be thinking about how the household will be affected?

Could your mother's reaction be directed at you rather than the son-in-law? In other words, could she feel something like "my opinion wasn't asked, and the engagement decision was made as a done deal"? Maybe the issue is entirely about the feeling of being excluded during the decision-making process.

Maybe my mom is in a "let's recognize the good by focusing on the bad" mode? Could it be that she inadvertently tries to highlight her future son-in-law's flaws by not wanting the engagement? Is there such a tactical behavior in a mother?

Has your mother shown the same attitude towards another groom candidate in a similar situation before? In other words, is this a prejudice against someone she doesn’t know at all, or is it a specific protective instinct for your sister? I think the difference is important.

So, does your mother show the potential to change her mind in the later stages of the engagement? Or is this attitude a definite "no"? Some people initially appear to be overly reactive, but soften over the course of the process.

Whatever the reason your mother has for not wanting to approve of your fiancé, did she try to openly discuss it and share it with you? Or is she just limited to showing her reactions? Because it's impossible to find a solution without defining the reason.

How does your mother react to what your father thinks about this engagement situation? Is your father on the same page, or is he remaining silent and not showing a side? Because the power dynamics in a family usually give signs.

If the bride's mother doesn't want the son-in-law, there might be a reason for it; she might not say it outright, but look at her actions, they give clues. Has she mentioned anything about her surroundings, family, etc., or has something else caught her attention? These things aren't trivial.

Maybe Annen doesn't want the engagement, but could she be using it like a key due to another household issue? In other words, she might be expressing her stress independently of this situation. It's hard for her to give the groom a green light without solving her own problem.

Perhaps the issue lies not with the groom but with the concept of engagement. In other words, is there a concern in your mother that "we are getting engaged now, there will also be a wedding, and this will head down an irreversible path"? Some develop a reflex against the speed/certainty of the process.

Okay, but is your mother's reason for not wanting it completely irrational, or does she have some logic behind it that she isn't sharing with you? Because if she has an issue with someone, ignoring it every day only makes things harder for you. If she's not speaking openly, it's also worth questioning why she's not talking.

I think it's just as important to understand why the sister's husband is wanted as much as the mother-in-law's husband isn't wanted. Is a position being taken just out of stubbornness, or is there a consistent difference in the mutual arguments? Your sibling should be able to explain this clearly.

Is your mother's reaction completely personal, or is there pressure from her surroundings? Is she acting out of fear of what others will say? Sometimes, it isn't even about the son-in-law; it becomes about how it will look to others.

Is your mother's attitude solely related to your husband's personality, or is it a matter of control over your sibling's freedom to choose? Some parents tend to mistrust their children's decisions; is it leaning that way? Is there a bit of a "I know best" attitude?

The mother doesn't want a fiancée, but is there a general distrust towards her sister's decisions that is independent of the groom or the process? In other words, could the issue be less about a specific problem and more about the perception of "what does she know"? Perhaps the control conflict runs deeper.

The reason she may not want it isn't the groom or the process, but the power vacuum that will occur at home after the engagement. When your brother leaves, the roles in the house will change, and maybe that's hard for your mother to handle. There might also be a fear of losing her daughter; it's like a knot in the situation. Perhaps try talking to your mother from this perspective.

If a mother is unhappy in another marriage, is she projecting her own experience onto you? In other words, could she be trying to force the lessons she’s learned from her own life onto you?

Maybe your mother accepts the son-in-law by name but can't fully embrace him in practice? I mean, could it be that she's having a hard time seeing someone she calls a "good kid" as if he were her own child? Some people take a long time to warm up, and perhaps she feels like she hasn't been given a chance.

If the bride's mother is just remaining silent and not wanting to bring up the engagement, perhaps she is waiting for something within herself that will lead to the engagement being broken off. Is she watching for a moment to find something related to the groom or the process and say, "See, I was right"? In this case, her lack of reaction could actually be a serious sign of resistance.

She might not want the engagement process, but could the social environment it brings also be a factor? I mean, is there a prejudice against the groom's family, a concern about not being able to fit into their dynamic, or something like that? Sometimes it’s not just a personal issue; there can also be an "equilibrium" matter between families. Have you ever brought this up in conversation?

Maybe the issue is not the groom or the engagement, but rather the mother feeling her own authority is threatened? As your sibling steps into making their own choices as an individual, your mother's control might be diminishing. So, we need to look at whether she really doesn't want the groom, or if she is actually troubled by the decision itself.

Could the mother's disapproval be related to the timing of the engagement? I mean, she might be thinking not of the groom, but rather "is this the right time for an engagement?" Maybe she had some plans or another timing consideration that you're not aware of, and is that what's bothering her?

Although the sister seems to disapprove of her brother's fiancé, she may be insecure about the dynamics of their relationship. She might be thinking, "This guy is good, but you can't handle him." Is it possible that she senses a mismatch between her brother's character and that of his fiancé? Does she think her brother is too self-sacrificing or, convers

You say she doesn't want anything, but does she try to do anything at the engagement? Is she silently opposing or does she speak openly? Because I think that a silent reaction is sometimes not just waiting for "look, I will be right," but can also be a passive-aggressive "you'll have to listen to me." Why don't you ask her about it? It will become clearer as she talks.

Is the mother's reluctance to ask for engagement partly related to what others will say, I wonder? I mean, could she be afraid of gossip like "was this all rushed?" or "what's wrong with the bride's side?" Sometimes families are more concerned about what others think than the groom himself.

It’s unclear whether the mother has raised a concern about the son-in-law. But maybe she has some hesitation in her mind about whether her brother can handle this relationship maturely? Or is there a specific discomfort regarding someone from the son-in-law's family; have you ever tried asking this?

There doesn't have to be a logical reason for asking for a hand in marriage. Maybe it's triggering a past disappointment your mother experienced in her own marriage? Could it be an unconscious projection like, "I was unhappy, so she will be too"?

It's actually strange that the mother didn't say anything clear in such a situation. You say she doesn't want it, but there seems to be an atmosphere where she doesn't disclose the reason. Has anyone directly asked her, "What exactly do you not want?" Sometimes you have to corner them like that.

So, has there ever been a moment when your mother communicated directly with the son-in-law, trying to get to know him? Maybe she looks at him with a bias from afar, but she might not have actually sat down and talked properly. If she hasn't met him, it can create a real coldness.

Everyone is talking about what your mother supposedly doesn't want, but has anything been clearly stated from her mouth? So, is this "she doesn't want it" interpretation your assumption or is it a direct quote from your mother? Sometimes, before the narrative part of the event is clarified, everyone puts their own guess on top of the situation.

Could the reason they aren't speaking up simply be stubbornness? Sometimes they resist not by saying "don't do it," but by saying "I'll make you do it." So, are they really unwilling, or are they planning to wear you down to get their way? Try to figure it out.

Sometimes a mother's excuse for not wanting something is actually a message saying, "Don't leave me out of this process." In other words, she may not be looking for direct approval, but rather expects to be involved in the process. If she feels like she is watching the preparations and decisions from the outside, she may have adopted a certain attitude. Have you ever tried to include her?

She doesn't want it, but on the other hand, they've reached the engagement stage. So what was she waiting for until then? If she hadn't voiced her opinions about the decisions from the start, is it logical for her to take a stance now? Wouldn't it have been clearer if she had rejected it from the beginning?

Sometimes, mothers evaluate matters like engagements and weddings through the lens of "what others think." Do they view the groom or his family as being in a socially embarrassing situation? For instance, are they fixated on something like profession, financial status, or family background? If there's something like this, they don't express it directly, they adopt an ambiguous attitude. Has there ever been such an implication?

Well, could your mother’s reluctance be due to someone else? Is she maybe apprehensive about the groom's family, especially the mother-in-law? Sometimes, they don’t mention it at all initially, but then in the final stage, they switch to the "we can’t deal with these people" mode.

Well, could the reason for her not wanting it not just be the groom's family or the engagement process? Perhaps she has a more personal criticism related to her sister's choice. For example, her priorities, decision-making style, or timing. Even if your mother doesn't directly tell anyone, her real concern might be something entirely different. That part needs to be clarified.

Could the mother's reluctance be a reaction to her sister leaving home rather than the engagement or the groom? When one of the children leaves, some mothers experience a serious void, but they take a stance without openly expressing it. It feels more like a fear of "losing" something.

Perhaps the issue is less about your sister's decision and more about your mother's perception of feeling "inadequate." In other words, could she be thinking that her own experiences are being disregarded in her daughter's choices, rather than the current fiancé or engagement? This doesn't always get expressed openly, but can be read from her actions.

And there's this too: is your mother directly telling your sibling the reason she doesn't want you to, or is she conveying it to you indirectly? Because sometimes, to avoid hurting someone, they soften what they say, but they might be more straightforward when talking to someone outside the frame. So could it be that she says something different to your sibling's face than she does to you?

Maybe your mother is comparing the son-in-law. Could it be one of those situations where she says things like "that one's son was more suitable" or "the neighbor's daughter married someone like this"? Sometimes these things get confusing when you look too much from the outside. Could she have imagined your brother with someone she deems suitable?

So, is your mother in agreement with your father during this process? I mean, if she is resisting alone at home, that's one thing, but if your father is on the same side, maybe the issue is rooted in a deeper family perspective. Is she alone in this objection?

Regardless of the reason the mother doesn't want it, how she conveys this to her sister is important. Attitude, implication, or direct speech creates different effects. How does the sister react to this situation? Has she openly asked her mother for her opinion, or has her mother talked to her candidly? Because the situation of "expecting her to understand without explaining" is common in many households.

Are you only looking through your mother's window, but what about your sibling's attitude? Do they defend their decisions strongly, or do they leave points that would trigger your mother's rhetoric? Sometimes, such conflicts grow from the stubbornness of both sides.

Peki annen kardeşinle nasıl bir ilişki isterdi, bu sürece kadar nasıldı? Kardeşin kendi kararlarını alırken geçmişte de annenle ters düşüyor muydu? Bazen bir nişan mevzusu yüzeydeki birikmiş meseleleri ortaya çıkarıyor, asıl konu geçmişten gelen bir kırıklık olabiliyor. Bu süreç anne-kız ilişkisinin kendisini konuşmak için de bir fırsat olabilir mi?

Could it be that the bride's side is not being ignored at all? You know how sometimes you have certain thoughts about the other party's family, like "we can't get along with them," or "they won't fit in with our circle"? Has this part ever been discussed?

It's interesting that your mother is showing such clear resistance, because usually families evaluate the groom-to-be, whether good or bad, in these matters; her current attitude seems a bit harsh. Did something specific happen with the guy or his family? Or is this engagement process you're describing pushing your mother's limits too much?

How does she see herself in the role when her younger sister gets engaged, is she ready for it? Because sometimes the problem isn't so much who the son-in-law is, but rather the mother's fear of the change in her own position. Could she be experiencing a genuine hesitation when it comes to the idea of becoming a "mother-in-law"?

Your mother clearly expresses that she does not want the engagement, but what about the groom candidate or his family? Do they feel anything about this issue? In other words, did your mother's attitude reflect on them? If there is a certain coldness or distance, this could actually be a sign of a bigger issue. Perhaps they sensed your mother's concerns and developed a reaction?

The way a mother expresses her disapproval is just as important as the reason behind it. If your sibling is still waiting for your mother's approval despite the engagement, there could be a bigger issue at play regarding the "need for approval." Have you ever considered if your mother is using that approval as leverage?

For example, where, when, and how did the bride's father meet the groom candidate? If the first impression went poorly, could this be the reason? Sometimes they magnify a single glance and let it affect the entire relationship. It's necessary to access the details.

Setting aside the mother's reasons for refusal, how is your sibling reacting during this process? Are they openly advocating for their decision, or are they creating an expectation that maybe, with a bit of hope, the mother might change her mind? Because everyone is focusing solely on the mother's side, your sibling's stance is either adding strength to the situation or leading it into a dead end.

Could it be that you completely left your mother out while getting into this engagement business? I mean, it seems like instead of considering her opinion later, it just carried on as if she had said she didn't want it. The break might have started right there.

Perhaps the mother is questioning not the son-in-law or the family, but her sister's decision-making speed/independence? Some mothers feel resentful, saying, "Was I never consulted about my opinion?" and talk about it as if it's a problem with the son-in-law. I think it might be worth exploring whether the mother's issue has to do with feeling somewhat displaced.