My sister is getting engaged but my mom doesn't want her to

Does the mother ever propose an alternative solution while opposing this claim? For example, does she say something clear like "not now, wait a bit," or "not that one, let it be someone else"? Or does she just say she doesn't want it and withdraw? Because sometimes, instead of approaching the issue with a solution-oriented mindset, they focus solely on halting the process. Then it turns into an unspoken stubbornness.

Does the mother's unwillingness indicate that she has no plans for after the engagement? In other words, is she expecting a solution like "let it stay here," or is her imagination currently limited to preventing the engagement? The same issues could arise during the wedding process as well. How will that be handled?

I wonder if she thinks about the consequences of what she doesn't want? Let's say the engagement is called off; didn't your sister get upset, and didn't the groom's family feel bad? I mean, when things get complicated, will she take a step to fix it, or will she just say, "I told you so" and pull back? Sometimes they intervene without considering the aftermath.

Okay, but do we really know the main motivation behind your mother's objection? Or is everyone just creating their own scenario in their minds and making decisions based on that? Maybe the issue isn't the son-in-law or the process at all, but rather entirely related to a crisis in your mother's own life. Could she be using this as an excuse?

So is your mother making this objection only to you, or has she talked to your brother-in-law/sibling as well? If this is really an important concern, shouldn't she be sharing it openly with everyone? Or is she quietly putting pressure on you and waiting for a resolution from there?

The mother's objection doesn't seem clear; it's always somewhat vague or indirect. But for example, everyone should sit down and let the mother say clearly what her issue is. Will she say, "I don't want this son-in-law because..." or will she dodge around it again? A clear answer would force everyone to act clearly.

Does the mother's objection only stay at the level of "I don't want it," or does she exhibit behavior that might hurt/blame your sibling? Because there is a difference between a silent opposition and an active intervention. If your sibling feels alone during this process, their trust in this relationship may also be shaken. Here, the real harm may come not from the engagement itself but from family ties.

When did the mother's reaction start being like this? Did it begin from the very first moment she met the groom-to-be, or did it start when the engagement process accelerated? Sometimes people don’t see a problem at first, but when things become serious, their own fears kick in; the real issue often arises not at the beginning but later on.

Is the mother's objection to this situation just a personal feeling, or is there a concrete problem? Because sometimes people just say "I feel uneasy" and can't explain it. But it seems a bit unfair to hinder the entire process based on an abstract feeling. If there is something, she should speak clearly so that everyone knows what to base their actions on.

So, how was your mother's relationship with your sibling overall? You know, there are some mothers who have always been used to having too much control over their children. Could this engagement process have triggered the feeling of "slipping out of my hands"? If so, the issue may not be the groom, but rather the fear of separation.

Is your brother doing anything in this situation? I mean, has he openly stated his opinion against your mother's attitude by saying, "this is how I think"? Or is he remaining silent while everyone else is trying to figure out your mother's feelings? Because everyone has taken it upon themselves, but the real decision rests with him.

Is your sibling determined about the engagement issue? You mentioned, "Has he/she clearly expressed his/her opinion?" But beyond just stating that clearly, can he/she demonstrate that independence through actions towards your mother as well? Because simply saying, "I think this way" is insufficient; if your mother senses even a slight hesitation, she could use it as a manipulative card. Therefore, your sibling needs to show clarity not just in words, but also through actions.

Is the mother expressing this situation solely based on the "engagement" or is it related to a specific characteristic of the groom-to-be? For example, does she mention something specific like his job, family, or personality? Or is it entirely about a discomfort with losing control? Because simply saying "I don't want it" doesn't mean much on its own; it needs to be unpacked.

But how do we know that the mother is more concerned about the engagement process than the groom? She might seem to like the groom at first but later noticed something and can’t say it. So, is the issue with the mother, the groom, or both? Without figuring this out, everyone is just making pointless guesses.

Has anyone ever asked clearly, "Why don’t you want it?" Look, sometimes people are not even sure of their reasons; they just feel a discrepancy inside them. Maybe they’re not clear in their own minds, but if there’s something they can’t say, it will definitely burst out from somewhere. I think you should let them speak openly.

I think we should also consider the groom's side. How are they during this process? Are they standing behind your brother against your mother, or do they have an attitude of "let's not get involved"? Because how families behave can sometimes seriously affect the course of events.

Did the groom or his family take any steps regarding the fact that your mother doesn't want this so much? In other words, are they aware of this situation and trying to offer a solution? Or is there a completely silent side here? Because this can't be resolved just with the tension between you; they also need to take a stand in this matter.

Perhaps your mother is afraid that something she doesn't like will repeat itself in your sibling. For example, she might be projecting her negative experience regarding her own marriage onto this situation, even if it has nothing to do with the groom. Has she ever implied something based on her own past?

No matter what the reason is for your mother's disapproval, if your sibling hasn't made their decision clear already, this discussion will go on forever. But if they are determined, they need to make sure everything is secure; the initiative for canceling the engagement doesn’t lie with them. Are they continuing down this path with that in mind? If so, solutions need to be generated to limit your mother's influence in this process. This isn't something that can be achieved through defense alone.

The mother says she doesn't want it, but it seems like there's a hesitation when it comes to the groom. So, she doesn't want it but hasn't been able to clearly state the reason. Maybe everyone is acting like they understand without her having to say anything. If we proceed just with assumptions without clarifying this, everything will get stuck. I think it's time to talk to the mother directly, with straightforward questions.

Maybe your mother's concern isn't about the son-in-law or the process, but rather about the feeling that her place is going to change. When her sibling gets married, the balance of the house will be disrupted, and that's hard to get used to. So, could the issue be a sense of emotional turmoil about losing someone from the household? For example, has she expressed something along the lines of "Am I going to be left alone?" in situations like this?

Isn't it a bit premature to involve the groom's side before the mother's refusal issue is clarified? I mean, we need to figure out who the problem lies with first. Maybe someone said something, but the mother is acting this way for a completely different reason. Is her own mind confused, or is there another trigger? Without uncovering that, we shouldn't move forward.

Okay, you say your mother doesn't want this

Instead of trying to dissect the mother's reasons for refusing, consider this perspective: If the groom's side doesn't take the mother's attitude seriously and doesn't take a step, this won't work. If the guy says, "we'll just look after our own happiness," will he act the same way when another crisis arises in the future? Even if your sibling sees this risk, are they knowingly accepting it?

The focus has shifted to the mother, but is there a real harmony between your sibling and the groom? Do both sides trust each other and will they face external pressures together, or are they drifting apart amidst these disputes? Without first measuring the strength of their own relationship, neither can the mother's objections be resolved nor can external issues be addressed.

So many people are analyzing your mother, but let me ask something else: Your sister's fiancé wants the engagement, but how active or sensitive is the fiancé's side during this process? If your mother is fixated on something, could it be that the groom or his family made any missteps? Sometimes, while looking for trouble internally, an external action can be overlooked.

Annenin istememe sebebini netleştirmek mühim ama bir yandan kardeşine “ne olursa olsun kararlıyım” mesajı verdiren bir baskı da oluşmuş olabilir mi? Yani anneden onay almak mesele ama diğer yandan kardeş kırılırsa bu süreçte, nişanlının gözünde de belki işin enerjisi düşecek. Kardeşinle aranızda açık bir “Bu işten gerçekten mutluyum” konuşması yapıldı mı, yoksa herkes annenin üzerine oynarken duygular eksik mi kaldı?

Is the thing that the mother doesn't want really the groom, or is it the acceleration of the process? Sometimes when things develop too quickly, people instinctively pull back; they might not even have a real issue with the groom. If you hit the brakes a bit, perhaps the mother's true reaction and reason will become clearer. Right now, everyone is trying to solve a situation, but it feels like the nature of the situation is not fully understood.

When they say "I don't want to," did they really say "I don't want to," or does this result come from interpreting their demeanor? Has a clear "why don't you want to" question ever been asked? Perhaps there is an unspoken discomfort that no one is addressing directly.

If you're so sure that your sibling really wants the engagement, why does everyone keep trying to understand the mother's reaction? I mean, it seems like there's a definite decision, but on the other hand, everyone is confused. The real issue is whether there is a clear and strong will in this engagement process, or is everyone just passing the buck to each other?

You can't get anywhere without clarifying whether your mother's refusal is something fundamental or related to the process. Let's say the engagement happened, the wedding took place; what will happen when the first crisis arises? The unresolved issues now will blow up even bigger later. You need to sit down and talk directly with your mother, without beating around the bush.

So is your mother's reason for not wanting it really the "groom"? For example, she might see her daughter as worthy of someone else, or there could be an acquaintance from the past. Sometimes it's not a deep-rooted antipathy, but rather a small detail that is exaggerated and presented as the reason. Has she given any hints about this from the very beginning?

If the mother-in-law doesn't want the son-in-law, did the son-in-law notice this? In other words, is there a change in the man's behavior? Sometimes, in such situations, the coldness from outside reflects in the relationship, and everyone withdraws to their corners without understanding each other.

But isn't it important to clarify not only the happiness of the engaged party but also the sadness of the mother? I mean, everyone is asking "why don't you want it," but we also need to understand the feelings of the mother. Maybe the issue isn't with the groom or anything, but she's experiencing some hurt within herself?

The mother doesn't want a marriage proposal, but if the son-in-law doesn't clearly say "I don't love you" either, the issue might be the sense of loss of control she feels due to her brother's decisions. She may be experiencing a test of her own authority. Has there been a similar "approval" crisis in the family before, is this a usual attitude for the mother?

Is the mother's reason for not wanting it just the son-in-law, or could it also be that her brother's way of making this decision has upset her? We love our brother, no doubt, but could there be something in his attitude that has hurt the mother? I mean, if she feels like "I was excluded," "my opinion wasn't valued," it could be another emotional knot that's independent of the son-in-law. Have you ever talked about this?

Isn't it interesting that while your mother's unhappiness is analyzed this much, there’s no discussion about how your sibling is affected by this situation? I mean, doesn’t your effort to understand your mother's feelings feel like a burden to your sibling? It’s her who wants to get engaged, so was she supported during this process?

So what will your sibling do if after the engagement your mother takes on an attitude of "I was right"? Because right now, there is a person who is clearly showing they don't want this, and they could keep bringing this up in future issues. Everyone is thinking emotionally right now, but we need to consider these possibilities in the long run as well. Otherwise, everyone will end up getting worn out.

Can your brother postpone the engagement just because he doesn't want to, or is his decision final? Because it's certainly important to address your mother's unhappiness, but if he's expecting to step back at such a turning point in life, that's not realistic either. While trying to understand your mother's attitude, it may be necessary to set some boundaries with her.

Anne, did you talk about this issue directly with your sister? Because it always seems like ideas are being discussed in a roundabout way. If there hasn't been an open conversation between them, the situation might be shaping up more according to your comments than from the mother.

Could there be a financial concern underlying the mother's disapproval? I mean, the son-in-law's situation, the future security of her brother, and so on? Because sometimes these types of objections are not completely about "I don't love him" but can stem from a more calculative worry. Has she ever mentioned anything about this?

Maybe your mother is hinting at something she doesn't want directly to say. She might be avoiding saying "I don't like it" and finding convoluted reasons instead. Was there an honest conversation with her asking directly, "Why don't you want it?" Maybe there is something very clear regarding the groom, but she is hesitant to express it.

Why isn't Mom speaking openly about this? She might have a legitimate concern, or it might just be her own anxiety. But with this "indirect" attitude, the issue will only drag on longer. In any case, it's better for everyone to clarify their worries now than for a fight to break out unexpectedly on the engagement day. It’s also unfair to the sibling, who is stuck in the middle.

Could a mother have a general sense of discomfort about "giving away" her daughter that is independent of the son-in-law? You know, the feeling of "nobody deserves my child." Some mothers experience such feelings instinctively rather than consciously. She may not be able to accept the son-in-law, but rather the process itself. Have you thought about it from this perspective?

If the reason the mother doesn't want it is not the groom, could it be a fear of being in a void where her sister isn't? In other words, maybe she would have this attitude even without knowing the groom at all. Have you thought about how the dynamics at home will change when your sister moves out, who will take on what responsibilities?

Is there tension between the groom's family and the others, is the mother's reaction directed at him or them? Sometimes the issue is not the people but the other stories they represent in the background. Has anyone ever looked into that?

Could a mother's disapproval stem from a lack of trust in her son-in-law or the marriage rather than a concern for herself? In other words, are there worries about whether he can stand on his own two feet or manage the marriage? Some mothers struggle to let go of control. Could that create some unrest?

If the mother doesn't like her son-in-law, I don't understand why she talks about it in such a roundabout way. But if she likes him but still doesn't want him, it could be that she can't stand her brother making a decision on his own. Not talking directly to her brother might also be a passive-aggressive way of sending a message like "I am adamant about my decision." Does your mother usually communicate like this?

Could she be taking it out on someone else? I mean, could it be related not to this marriage, but to some anger or disappointment from something that happened before? Sometimes the issue isn't about the groom or the sister, but about others from the past.

I don't understand why mothers feel like they have the luxury to say "I don't want to" so often. The adult in front of them has the right to make decisions about their own life. Your sibling should remind your mother of her limits a bit; she doesn't have the luxury to interfere with everything.

Does your mother give a straightforward answer when asked something, or does she beat around the bush and change the subject? Because this may not just be a matter of "marriage approval," it could be a deeper issue related to communication habits. In such situations, things can get quite messy as everyone tries to guess what’s going on. I think it’s necessary to ask your mother for a clear explanation.

Maybe your mother can't handle all of this process, like the engagement, henna, and wedding rituals. It might seem like a financial and emotional burden. Can you sit down with your sister and plan a different kind of celebration? Something simpler, less exhausting.

She doesn't want it, but if she's not saying the reason, maybe she's just saying "no" directly because she doesn't want to be pressured into acceptance. In other words, while we all think "why," if no one insists on saying "okay, this wedding is going to happen," would her silence actually soften her opinion? Because could her strong resistance be due to feeling pressured too much? Or has she always been like this?

If the mother has a reservation, she doesn't tell anyone, but she might be blowing it out of proportion inside. For example, she may have observed something about the groom's family but can't express it out of fear that they will "misunderstand". Sometimes, when people sense something but can't speak clearly, it appears as "stubbornness". Suggest that you openly discuss this with your sibling and bring all of the mother's doubts to the table. Let's see what comes out of it.

Maybe your mother doesn't want the in-laws, not the son-in-law? Or is she worried that your sister can't fit in with that family? Have you ever checked that out?

Perhaps your mother is not concerned about your fiancé or his family, but rather about her own loneliness. In other words, when your sister gets married and leaves, could she be feeling the sense of "who will leave me next"? Has she ever expressed this?

Could she be experiencing a resentment directed at her own life? In other words, perhaps this is entirely related not to her brother or son-in-law, but to something she wanted for herself in her time but couldn't achieve. Sometimes, when a person sees someone else's happiness in front of them, they confront their own past, reopening that old wound. From this perspective, consider it; maybe the issue is not one of today but one of the past.

Could the mother be making an issue out of her brother's decision-making style instead of her son-in-law's? In other words, is there a resentment like, "I wasn't asked, I wasn't respected"? Some mothers view the situation as purely personal and get caught up in the feeling of "it happened against my wishes" instead of seeking approval. From this perspective, have you ever tried talking about it?

Have you ever thought about whether your mother reflects any issues regarding her own marriage onto this? For example, how the son-in-law might remind her of her own partner or of something she experienced in the past. Sometimes, people aren't always aware, but this can serve as a trigger.

I think your mother might be a bit concerned about what others will say. You know, thoughts like, "Will things be done properly? Could something be missing? Will anyone have anything to say?" If she is sensitive to criticism from outside, she might not be able to express this. Have you ever talked to her about this?

Could it be that the mother doesn't just dislike the son-in-law, but thinks that her sister makes her life decisions too quickly or thoughtlessly? In other words, the issue might not be "this man", but rather "is it another decision like this again"? Has there been any tension between mother and daughter on other topics before?

Could your mother be comparing you to someone else she deems more suitable? Often in such situations, an "ideal groom" profile is created, and they struggle to fit the bride into that mold. Has your mother ever mentioned a different type of person like this before?

But have you ever thought that your mother might actually be questioning her own authority through her sister or son-in-law? I mean, could that feeling of "What I say isn't happening" be a kind of fear of losing control? Feeling this way as a maternal figure can sometimes affect a person's ego.

Well, could it be that your mother seems to not want the son-in-law but is actually struggling to understand what kind of life your sister will build with the person she is engaged to? In other words, instead of worrying about whether "this man is suitable," she might be concerned about whether "my daughter will be happy in this relationship." Because the son-in-law has already been chosen, the issue might be not being able to see whether the relationship will work or not.

Could it be that your mother isn't just thinking about her son-in-law but also how it will affect your family? You know, like how our dynamic will be disrupted, where we’re going to place our relationship with this guy. She might have a concern that it will shake up the family dynamic.

Is your mother-in-law comparing you to her or to your other siblings? Like, "the other kids didn't make such a choice, so why did she?" If she is looking for a reference point based on previous relationships in the family, she might be feeling tense because of that.

Is your mother having a problem with the fiancé or with his family? You know how sometimes there can be that tension of "are we really going to be friends with that family now"? Is there a class, cultural, or past conflict in the background?

Can the mother express her disapproval of the son-in-law directly, or are there just implicit complaints? Some mothers cannot express their feelings openly and always imply. Maybe the real reason is something else, but she can't say it, so it's important to clarify what she's really troubled about.

Did your sister really ask your mother about her feelings clearly? I mean, did they engage in a direct dialogue like "Why are you worried, what do you not want to see?" Or is everyone speaking based on their own assumptions? The knot might be there.

Sometimes mothers question not the son-in-law or the relationship, but their daughters' decision-making abilities. The thought of "Did she make the right choice?" may actually reflect a trust issue directed more toward the child than the son-in-law. If the sister is already taking a strong position, the mother may gradually accept this. But if she is hesitant, could it have weakened her hand even further?

What if the reason your mother is trying to make it seem like she wants the son-in-law is something focused directly on him? If the topic always somehow ties back to him, could there be a personal memory or a prejudice from the past at play? Is something personal being triggered?

But what if your mother seems to disapprove of the son-in-law, but is actually criticizing your sister's life choices and priorities? In other words, could the issue be less about the son-in-law and more about her daughter's choices not meeting her expectations? Could this be a reaction of "it's not about the man, but what does this choice signify?"

But could it be that your mother is sending a message not to your sister but to your father or someone else in the family? I mean, could this groom issue actually be a kind of power play or a reflection of another relationship dynamic? Is the focus truly on the groom, or is there another reckoning happening in the background?

So does your mom actually not want the idea of a wedding, rather than not wanting the fiancé? Is there a long-standing financial issue or organizational stress? Some people get hung up on the magnitude of the event, not the individuals.

Maybe your mother is jealous of the new priority in your sister's life? I mean, could she be thinking that once the girl gets married, she won't spend as much time with her anymore and will drift away? Some mothers struggle to adapt to this change.

Could your mother be bothered by something related to your father-in-law's family? For example, if their attitude, past, or a behavior became an issue in your mother's eyes, she might express it directly as a problem through your husband. So, could the issue not be personal, but rather a familial concern?

Is it really the groom that the mother doesn't want or is it the engagement process? They should ask themselves that. Some people feel like they lose control in such formal processes, and if everything is happening quickly, that might be why they are reacting. I suggest testing whether their approach changes if the process slows down and ideas are gathered.

Mothers often don't even have a clear reason to say "No" in such situations. In other words, they can unsettle everyone around them with an intangible argument like "I just don't feel it." Maybe your sibling should ask if it's a feeling or an apparent mistake? Perhaps something concrete needs to be placed against your mother's record-like feeling that keeps spinning.

Perhaps the mother-in-law is not questioning the son-in-law himself, but rather the lifestyle or impression he may leave in the future. For example, could she have a concern like, "Can this kid create a home that aligns with our values?" People sometimes don't articulate this clearly, they simply maintain a cold distance. Let me try to elaborate with a couple of examples.

Could the mother perhaps have expectations regarding the son-in-law's profession or financial situation? Some mothers evaluate the son-in-law by first considering, "Will my daughter be comfortable, will she go hungry?" If she felt something like this, the son-in-law appearing insecure might be stressing her out.

The mother-in-law says she doesn't want him, but how does she behave face-to-face with her fiancé? Is she sincere, distant, or openly cold? Sometimes people express their anxiety not outside, but only indoors; take a look at the real attitude.

Could her mother think that this marriage is not suitable for her sister, but hesitates to say so? In other words, there may be some incompatibility she sees in the groom or concerns about the future, but she may not express it. She actually needs to speak clearly; otherwise, everyone is unnecessarily stressed.

Has your mother shown such feelings towards someone else before? I mean, is she generally someone who finds it hard to warm up to a family member, who doesn't easily like anyone? If so, this might be more about your mother's personal approach than the groom.

Could Anne not want to get engaged? Is this a reaction purely based on the stress of wedding-related matters? Some people may have a principled distance towards large events like this, perhaps not just related to the groom or bride, but maybe they have an aversion to the process itself. Have a conversation, asking, "Would you feel more at ease if there weren't an engagement or wedding?"

Maybe your mother doesn't trust the setup that will be established after the wedding; is there an issue with the groom's family? If she received signals of a problem or mismatch related to the in-laws, she might be focusing on an indirect concern rather than directly addressing it with the groom. It seems to me that it's not being spoken about openly; we need to ask around a bit to uncover the real reason.

Could she be feeling a concern related not to the groom but to her brother's decision-making ability? I mean, in the sense of "Did this girl choose the right person?" Sometimes, it’s actually not about the groom but a lack of confidence regarding the girl’s life. Has there been a discussion about this aspect between you?

Could the mother have a bad marriage in her own past or have seen a negative example in her surroundings? She might be experiencing such a fear already due to her own experiences. If you bring up a small conversation about her marriage, you might understand what she's really concerned about more clearly.

How is your sister's relationship with your mother? If there is a past grievance or disagreement between them, could this situation be arising through the son-in-law? Sometimes mothers get stressed because they feel their child is making the decisions, and the son-in-law just becomes an excuse.

Perhaps your mother thinks that your sister's fiancé would be more suitable with someone else. Has she ever expressed something like "it would have been better if he had been with that person"? In such cases, her reluctance to accept the groom might also stem from a preference for an alternative.

Could it be that your mom not wanting the son-in-law is entirely a financial issue? After all, this is also a very important matter; she might not be satisfied with the guy's job situation, house, income, etc. Has she ever expressed something like that?

She doesn't want her son-in-law, but is she leaning on excuses like "I didn't choose this" because she can't directly say anything about her brother's decision? Is there a bit of passive-aggressiveness at play? Because what's important is not the son-in-law, but understanding the situation without sabotaging the process.

The reason the mother doesn't accept the son-in-law might sometimes depend on details such as the son-in-law's age, hometown, or a trait inherited from his family. It can be worth checking if there is a situation that looks simple from the outside but contradicts family traditions. If she got hung up on something like that, she might not be openly communicating it.

How did the meeting with the groom's family go exactly? Some people get stuck in a "this won't work" mindset after receiving a hurtful word, glance, or attitude in face-to-face communication, but they can't express it clearly. If such a scene occurred, I suggest you take some time to think it over.

Maybe the issue isn't with the groom, but with the mother's need to define her position among the children. Could it be that when your sister gets married, she might feel like "she's no longer with me"? Like a passive jealousy.

Could the mother have concerns about the groom's family? I mean, she might have heard or felt something about someone from the family instead of the groom himself. Sometimes people get caught up in the idea of "that family is getting involved" rather than the spouse. Does it give off a vibe like that?

Perhaps Anne is reflecting a concern from her own past. Could it be that she has developed an unnecessary protective reflex, fearing that a problem she experienced in her own marriage might repeat in your or your sibling's future? Have you ever thought about this?

So is your mother reacting directly to your fiancé candidate, or is she more concerned about the timing of the marriage? In other words, does she have a postponement thought like "if not now, maybe there's a better time in the future"? Because sometimes the issue is not the person but the process.

Could the reason for the mother's dislike of the son-in-law be related to a general concern of "what will others say" about the parents? In other words, could she feel embarrassed towards her surroundings because of the son-in-law's family, profession, or some other attribute? Has she ever hinted at this matter?

Perhaps her unwillingness to accept the son-in-law stems from a desire to control her brother's choices. In other words, does the mother have an attitude like "nothing can happen outside of my truths"? She might be approaching the situation with a general acceptance issue regarding something that does not align with her own wishes.

Maybe your mom doesn't believe that your sister is mature enough to take on the responsibilities of engagement or marriage. You know how some mothers think, "she's not standing on her own feet yet, a wrong decision could make things worse"; could she be thinking along those lines? Is your sister generally managing her life well?