We are getting engaged, but we constantly argue because of the expenses. I'm torn between my family's expectations and my partner saying, 'let's not spend too much.' With things like gold and all, it seems to be getting out of hand. How do you think we can find a middle ground in these matters? Am I asking for too much?
I went through the same thing during the engagement process; to be honest, our relationship suffered a lot because of my family. My mom insisted on gold, while my fiancé was saying, "Let's not show off." In the end, we agreed to split it halfway, but it took quite a bit of effort. If you set a limit from the beginning, at least it reduces arguments.
I think you've been a bit too indecisive. You need to take a clear stance; otherwise, both sides will try to negotiate through you. Whose engagement is it? Isn't it yours? Then please, let your wishes take priority. The kid might be right; everyone's budget is different after all.
These things usually stem from a lack of early planning. First, come up with a budget and list everything needed for the gold hall outfits. Then ask who will take on what. People generally get stressed due to a lack of communication. If you write the plan out, both the families and you will feel more relaxed.
Let me give you some details, my love clearly said, 'let's keep the engagement simple, putting so much pressure is a bit showy.' But my mom and aunt are putting pressure by saying, 'this is how it's done here, everyone's eyes are on us.' So I'm stuck in between. Ugh, what a difficult topic.
It's really hard to feel this pressure, you're right. On one side there's the family that can break in the future, and on the other side, the possibility of hurting your partner. Especially your mom saying "she's watching us" puts extra stress on you. But as long as there's no clarity, everyone suppresses their own opinions; one side needs to set limits and explain to the other.
But I don't think you've talked about this clearly: what does engagement mean for you? For your mom, it seems to be about societal approval, and for your partner, it feels like a formality. If this has separated you so much, there will be bigger issues in marriage. Learn about it now, so that the wedding doesn't end up being the same story.
