There is a strange dynamic between my boss and me at work. Sometimes it feels like they are overly praising me and valuing my projects, but then they say things that are subtly critical and demoralizing in the same meeting. How should I manage this kind of ambiguous communication? Should I ignore it, or should I directly say, 'I'm feeling uncomfortable'?
'If they're looking at you like, 'But we didn't think you were this talented,' they're raising you up just to bring you down. They might be doing this intentionally; my old boss used to mock me by saying, 'Why are you trying so hard?''
Don't just ignore those implications that bother you in the meeting. Try asking directly: 'I didn't understand if what you're saying is a criticism or a suggestion; I would like to clarify to do better.' Something like that. So, try to understand in a polite but assertive way. 🤷♀️
I think there's an ego war going on here. The boss might be an insecure person, feeling the need to praise you but may also be envious deep down. Such people maneuver a lot, so I'd say be careful.
This feels a bit manipulative. Instead of insinuations, focus on the outcomes of the projects. If you want clarity in communication by specifically saying, 'Should I understand this from this sentence?', you would approach it from a professional standpoint rather than an emotional one.
Thank you all, by the way, let me add this: Innuendos sometimes happen in front of everyone during meetings, and sometimes in one-on-one conversations. I usually stay quiet without reacting much in the group, and when it comes to one-on-one, I generally skip it.
I need to say something. We're always talking about having a 'boss complex,' but maybe there are actually shortcomings in your work? When someone praises you in a meeting, it’s praise, and when they criticize you, it doesn’t automatically mean belittling.
The problem here is in the power dynamic. Your boss asserting their authority under the guise of motivating you is a strategic behavior. If you don't express your discomfort when you notice it, they'll maintain the perception that 'I can control you.'
