Hello, I've been feeling a lot of pressure at the office for a while. My boss keeps asking questions about my personal life, and the other day they even made insinuations about my relationship with my fiancée. So on one hand, I want to stay quiet because I'm afraid of losing my job, but continuing like this is also draining me. Would setting boundaries help, or would it make things worse?
I experienced the same thing. My boss kept asking, 'How are things with your girlfriend?' and stuff like that; he was literally making my private life gossip material. I really couldn't take it anymore, so one day I calmly said, 'Let's discuss work-related issues; I want to keep my personal life outside of work.' Honestly, I felt relieved, and after a while, he stopped.
Daughter, let me be clear about this: your boss feels entitled to this right because you aren't stopping it. One has to draw a line, otherwise they will walk all over you. If you were my daughter, I would say, 'set your boundaries firmly, and if necessary, quit your job, but don’t let anyone treat you this way.' Plus, your relationship with your fiancé is your concern, not theirs.
I don't know, but sometimes it feels like we might be overthinking these things. Maybe they're just interested because they find the engagement topic special? We don't have to immediately assume bad intentions. In the workplace, everyone talks about personal stuff, and small questions might not be intrusive.
Some patrons approach the inquiry into private lives as a way of getting to know one another or "expanding their control zone." However, the work-life boundary is critical. Expressing it calmly and sincerely as "let's keep these matters outside of work; I don't feel comfortable" usually yields good results. It can often be resolved without resorting to legal measures.
Thank you all. Let me add this, actually, they spoke like "we're very close" a couple of times, meaning they seem to want to have special conversations. I'm afraid if I create distance, it might backfire. There was someone before who quit under similar circumstances and talked a lot behind their back.
My former boss was like that too, she would try to act friendly with everyone, but she would either ask inappropriate questions or make suggestive comments. I hadn't made any requests, and I can't tell you how much pressure she put on me. You should set boundaries from the start, or it will only get harder. When you stay silent, they take it as encouragement, so don't forget that.
