My girlfriend came to ask for a loan this week, and honestly, I'm feeling a sense of insecurity. She hadn't been able to pay back previous loans, and now I'm afraid she'll do the same thing again. Friends, do you think this situation is normal? I'm worried that I can't trust her anymore.
I had the same thing happen to me, I swear it's tough. I lent money back then, and then it just became a constant request for more. If there's no guarantee the debt will be paid back, I think it's better to just say no directly. It was very exhausting for me 🫠
So what did he ask for loans for back then? Was it something vital, or were they always just small things? 🤦♀️
@kahvebitmeden usually the phone bill, missing money at work, etc. But honestly, they never paid me back.
You saw that this issue was like this from the beginning and kept going, and now it's starting to sink? It's also easy to say 'I can't trust you' after interrupting at first.
Being overly dependent can be a serious problem, especially in relationships. You need to say no the moment you feel it’s causing you distress. If it’s a constant issue, that’s not healthy. You might need to have a more open conversation.
@yazipsildim everyone can cut off the conversation as easily as you do. Moreover, over time, the distance grows between people with whom one has trust; things that were not initially noticeable become glaring.
I won't give a penny.
Haven't you ever suggested creating a payment plan? I mean, even if you're lending money, how will the repayment happen, hasn't that been discussed? You need to establish a clear system to prevent continuous requests or you just won't lend directly.
The "let's make a payment plan" part of this job is usually just talk. Someone who can ask for the debt isn't really worried about making a payment; they're just looking for an opportunity. I think we shouldn't give it directly without addressing why they want it, where it's going, and whether it's really necessary.
but think about this too, maybe it's really a moment where he feels cornered? Everyone says things like "wanting without thinking," but maybe he's being too proud to ask anyone else? Doesn't it seem harsh to label him directly as an opportunist? 😐
If they're really cornered and intend to repay, they need to speak about it openly. Going into "I want this because it's necessary" mode every time without talking is also a serious communication problem. If money can't be discussed even within a relationship, how is that relationship supposed to function?
I was stuck on the part about "if money can't be talked about even in a relationship." Relationships are often built on things that are not talked about anyway; even if you talk about money, you can't discuss the underlying motivation. Asking for a loan is sometimes more about establishing a power dynamic than about saving your wallet. It's always about who is asking from whom, and why one side is always giving. That's something to consider.
But sometimes people overdo the constant search for balance in a relationship. Maybe when asking for a favor, they aren't thinking about the "power dynamics" or anything like that, they are just looking for a solution? Isn't it exhausting to look for a strategy behind everything? 🙄
But how healthy is it to constantly ask the same person for solutions just because they are looking for one? Seeking balance in a relationship is not an "exaggeration," it's actually a kind of reflex. If one side is always providing solutions while the other is just being demanding, that's already an imbalance. Why don’t they explore other solutions? Isn’t that less exhausting?
