We've been together for a while, but he keeps asking me for money because he's unemployed. He says he'll pay me back, but he's never returned anything even once. I feel like I'm being used, but I can't say it outright since he's my boyfriend... What would you do in my place?
I've been through the same thing, seriously, it's a very exhausting situation. At first you don't understand, you say things like 'unemployed, in a difficult situation', but then when it becomes a constant reality, the fragile balance is disrupted. I said it openly, 'it's not a debt but it feels like support', and then things changed. Attitude matters.
I think you should address this directly but without being accusatory. Ask questions like, 'When and how are you planning to pay?' If you're still not getting a clear answer, don’t give again. Everything falls apart in the relationship when you feel unreciprocated.
Actually, these kinds of things happen a lot among couples. Supporting each other is normal, but constantly asking for money and never paying it back creates distrust. I think the worst part is that you haven't been able to talk about it, because if you can't even discuss money matters with your partner, then that relationship is already lacking.
Let me add this, I once said, 'I get in a tough spot when you can't pay me back,' but it seems like it wasn't taken very seriously... This situation has been going on for about 4-5 months. At first, I thought it was until you find a job, but it seems like there's not much effort to find one either.
This issue cannot be explained by romance or unemployment. The money matter is related to power dynamics. You can support him, but if he is not making any effort, that is a serious problem. Someone who does not respect your boundaries cannot be your partner.
So there's another issue here for me. It's strange that he keeps asking you, isn't there anyone else around him to borrow from? Has he ever talked to your family or something? Maybe he might be testing you... either your trust or your patience.
I think this is quite a toxic situation. Sure, an unemployed person can find themselves in a tough spot, but it’s clear that you have certain financial limits as well. If this is happening constantly, it might either have become a habit or they might be trying to pressure you.
The person you call your beloved needs to have a strong stance first. Family elders pay attention to this too. If they aren't looking for a job, why are you carrying all the burden? If they act like this even while dating, it means you'll be responsible for everything in the future.
