Lately, my girlfriend has been asking me for money quite often. She says she'll always pay me back, but sometimes it adds up, and to be honest, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. Does asking for money put so much strain on a relationship, or should I just consider this normal? I'm also worried about whether I'll be able to get it back. Has anyone else experienced something like this?
I've experienced the same things myself; they kept saying they'd pay back the debt, but the truth is it always dragged on. Then we ended the relationship, and the debts were left hanging. To be honest, if the situation is serious, I wouldn't expect this behavior to change.
But I think you should definitely stop lending for now. Stop observing and take action. At some point, sit down and have a serious talk, make a list, for example, discuss how much you've given and whether it's sustainable for you.
Let me ask this, why did you agree so easily to borrowing at the beginning? Because the other party has gotten used to it now. It seems a bit unfair to unconsciously expect something from them all the time. You should have made your boundaries clear early on.
Financial imbalance generally harms both sides in relationships. If this behavior is persistent, the balance of power in your relationship may be affected. First, set your own boundaries, then you can openly discuss this situation with them and work towards a solution.
Let me write it as an update: This has actually happened a total of 3-4 times now regarding the loan request. But last month they didn't pay what was due, there's always an excuse. I haven't talked about this, but inside I'm feeling angry. I don't even know what to say.
The payments are piling up, and that feeling creates a whole different kind of discomfort in a person. If you were to do something like this, asking "What are you using the money for, can you give me details?" you would feel relieved. Plus, you would have set a sincere boundary.
A few people around me have experienced things like this as well; for some, asking for money seems very normal. If you don't express this openly, I think it will continue like this. You need to talk directly.
Look, my daughter, here's a sisterly advice for you. Money talks, I'll say it plainly. If someone can't openly ask you, 'Are you struggling for me?', then that means there are other issues as well.
