I've been with my girlfriend for a long time, but she still has photos of her ex on her phone. It makes me uncomfortable, and I've mentioned it. She says, 'It’s in the past, I don’t need to delete it.' Do you think it's normal for me to be bothered by this, or am I being too jealous? How would you act if you were in a situation like this?
I don't think it's really a big deal. You said ex, it's in the past. Maybe they've completely forgotten about it, but they just didn't think to delete the photos. In a situation like this, I wouldn't say anything; the main issue for me is how they're handling their current relationship.
When I saw my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's photos on her phone, I definitely wanted her to delete them. Because I always start comparing myself to them. I think the discomfort you're feeling is totally normal. Explain your feelings to her nicely; maybe she acted like she didn't care, but if she sees that it actually hurt you, she might change her mind.
I want to say something, but don't get angry. Now you're saying, 'I feel uncomfortable,' which is fine, but that's their personal space after all. I mean, they've already told you, 'it’s in my past.' Maybe they’re right about what they said, and you might be overthinking it unnecessarily. Pushing too hard could push them away; I think you should reflect a bit on yourself.
Instead of thinking under strict headings like respect or control here, you can focus on the fact that the issue is a lack of communication. Personal privacy is important, but both parties in a relationship need to value each other's emotional sensitivities. So, rather than expecting them to forget their past, expressing more clearly why you are uncomfortable can provide a solution.
I've read what everyone wrote, thank you. I should also add that I don't actually look at my girlfriend's phone very much. But a few weeks ago, I accidentally mixed up her gallery and noticed some photos. Since that day, it's been on my mind. There were especially holiday photos that seemed a bit intimate. I guess that's the main reason; I'm wondering if she hasn't forgotten.
My boyfriend had a situation like this too. I clearly said that I was uncomfortable. He didn't even argue, he just deleted it right away. If he still wants to hold onto things from his past, maybe he can't fully prioritize you. I think you should talk about this openly 😳
Honestly, in such a situation I would directly be suspicious. Why is he so adamant about not deleting it? If it were really in the past, I think he wouldn't make such a big deal about it. Maybe there's still something lingering inside him about his ex. He needs to give you an answer that will put your mind at ease.
So when you said there was no need to delete it, did you notice any change in their behavior? For example, were they more distant or defensive? Because as you said, if it's in the past, they shouldn't hesitate to delete it. Maybe they haven't fully grasped how uncomfortable they've been about this.
