I gained 20 kilos due to treatment, but I'm also exercising, so I can say my body stayed in shape. Because I'm tall, people around me generally say that it doesn't show, but I'm internally disturbed. Normally going from size 38 to size 42 affects me psychologically. Do you think I should accept myself this way, or should I start trying harder?
I think it's an important detail that the people around you say "it doesn’t show at all." The weight gain from the treatment comes from a different process than metabolism. Just like if you continue to exercise, you can maintain that shape, I had gained 15 kilos at one point due to hormone therapy, but since I'm tall, no one noticed. Don't be too hard on yourself.
My daughter, your situation is very similar to that of my aunt's daughter, who is the same age as you. She also went through a difficult treatment process. At first, she was uncomfortable, but she gave herself time. Along with exercise, having a positive attitude is important too. I think you should consider coming to terms with your weight while taking care of your health; there's no need for drastic measures.
I think you need to take a look at your own situation a bit. You say you're exercising, but if "gaining size 42" bothers you this much, maybe you're not fully focused. Don’t let your surroundings saying "it’s not obvious at all" confuse you; after all, you're the one looking in the mirror. If you want proper results, either get serious about it or give up on wanting to change.
I find it very right for you to exercise, but the weight issues caused by treatment should be looked at a little more professionally. If it's related to hormonal or metabolic changes, it may be necessary to create a balance not just with exercise but also with a dietitian. This way, you can keep your weight under control and reduce mental strain.
Let me also say that going from a size 38 to 42 doesn't look that bad, but not being able to wear my old clothes affects me more. I also worry a bit because it feels like people around me might say things like 'what happened to that girl?' Right now, I'm trying not to gain more weight, but I'm not sure if it's enough.
Look at this clothing issue. Even if nobody in the neighborhood or around you notices, you stress about it because you're aware of it. We always had pressures like 'a girl has to be thin,' but these things just hurt a person. Do you value your happiness more now, or what others say? The decision will come from here.
