I’ve been seriously seeing someone for 4 months now, but my family is constantly pressuring me by using their social circle and style as excuses. They keep saying, ‘You can’t be happy with him, look for someone more suitable for you.’ But honestly, I’m happy and I think we get along well. Do you think I should listen to what my family says or trust my heart? I’m also afraid that I might be wrong in the future.
I feel like there are other things going on here. If your family is just making excuses about their social circle, maybe they’re bothered by something else but aren’t saying it openly. For example, you mentioned style; sometimes families even read a whole lot into the way you dress, you know.
Let me be clear, you can’t completely ignore your family. The people who raised you know you. So I think you should take their “that kid is not right for you” comment seriously. Right now you’re saying “I’m happy,” but everything is rosy in just 4 months.
Setting boundaries in family relationships is important. Completely ignoring them is bad in the long run, but constantly listening to them can also make you passive. Experts say it’s not about “listening to the family,” but “hearing them.” This situation is about you, and you are the one who needs to make the decision.
Here’s what happened, I sat down and talked to him openly last night. I said, ‘my family sees you like this and that, I’m confused about what to do.’ He replied, ‘I’m afraid of being a burden, not a companion.’ I was very upset, and my mind got even more confused.
From what I gather from him saying this, the child has really questioned himself a lot. Very few boys would admit to being afraid of being a “burden.” He might have worried that family pressure could influence him, but this is a character issue, also somewhat related to confidence.