I made a sudden plan with my friends; we're going out of town for the weekend, but I feel like my family wouldn't allow it if I told them. Either I'll lie before I go, or I'll go without even letting them know. But honestly, I'm feeling guilty. What if something happens to me? What do you think I should do in this situation? Is it reasonable to ask my family, or should I just do my own thing?
I went through the same thing last year. We planned to go from Istanbul to Sapanca with friends. I didn't have the courage to tell my family, but to be honest, I was really scared that something would happen to me. In the end, I told a half-truth; I said, 'I will stay over at a friend's' but didn't mention going out of town. It's a bit of a risky situation, but it really depends on how comfortable you feel.
I had done the same when I first started at university. We had gone from Ankara to Eskişehir for a festival. I hadn't informed anyone, and when they found out later, they were quite angry. But I have to admit, I'm regretful. Because I acted without considering what could happen. If there had been a problem and they couldn't reach me, it would have created a really bad situation.
But I mean, friends, doesn't constantly giving advice to "hide it from your family" seem a bit dangerous? At some point, you need to take responsibility. If something happens and your family has no idea, that's chaos in itself. I'm not outright saying "don't go," but doesn't running things like this in the background put both you and them in a tough spot?
The important thing here is this: If you're experiencing communication problems with your family and feel like you're in an environment where you can't ask for permission, this could create other problems in the long run. Details like going out of town are undoubtedly based on trust. Also, in such a situation, it's crucial for your own safety to inform someone where you are going. If you feel guilty psychologically, it already shows that you are not being honest with yourself.
A few of you have already written, and you are really right. I don't actually want to lie that much, but I'm indecisive because I know how my family will react. I don’t think they’ll blow it up this much, but I feel like they’ll fixate on the 'Why did you hide it?' part. It really is just as you said, a matter of trust.
My mom was like that too. There was this one time I was going to Antalya for a friend's wedding, and I didn't even bother to inform her. When I got back, she found out and was so mad... Then during our conversation, she said, 'If there was an accident, do you think we would let you go free?' I realized it was related to safety. I think your family thinks in a similar way.
Let me tell you something, be honest. If you’re having so much conflict with your family, could you be giving up right from the start with the excuse of 'They won’t let me anyway'? What if you sat down and clearly said, 'Look, I want to go, so I’m going to do this for my safety'? Maybe it wouldn’t turn out so badly, I think.
