soranbayan
Aile & Toplum28 Nisan 2026
icimdengecmissordu

My mother is using her salary as leverage against my fiancé

My fiancée works in the private sector and her salary isn't as stable as a government employee's. My mom keeps saying, "How are you going to make a living on that salary, and you're thinking of getting married too!" I try to explain to her that my fiancée is very hardworking and has the opportunity to advance in her career, but my mom absolutely doesn't believe it. In fact, just the other evening at a family dinner, she joked in front of my fiancée, "Are you the one who will be bringing in the gold when you get married, dear?" I was so embarrassed, and my fiancée was upset. What do you think I can do to set a boundary with my mom about this?

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aklimkaldi

What kind of logic is this, I don't understand these mothers. The guy is working, does he have to be on a fixed salary in the private sector? Tell your mom to think about what your salary was back in the day. I think she's exaggerating.

0 #2
kirmizikazak

Oh dear, unfortunately this salary talk of mothers sounds very familiar. My ex-fiancé had a similar situation, his family was always focused on work and money. The kid got so stressed that we ended up breaking up. Stay strong, or you might end up having issues between you.

0 #3
benbisorayim

Anne might be somewhat right; if the salary isn't fixed, it's really tough to run a household. Can you save up, I wonder? Won't you get squeezed later with rent, groceries, and all that?

0 #4
icimdengecmis

@skeptik_hesapci We have some savings, but I've just recently started working more. I already told my mom that my salary will increase over time. But my mom is stuck in the mindset that I'm not progressing, so she doesn't listen.

0 #5
soncaykaldi

@skeptik_hesapci ah, this new generation is so fixated on salary details... There used to be love before money. Moms should also try to understand the youth a bit; while talking about salaries and savings, young people's love is literally dying 🫢

0 #6
kahvebitmeden

Open communication is important for resolving situations like this. As your mother gets to know your fiancée better, her concerns may lessen, but in the meantime, try to speak in a way that both stands up for your fiancée and shows empathy toward your mother. Don’t wear yourself out too much; if needed, even a short family counseling session could help.

0 #7
cokdaseyapma

If I had a daughter, I would react the same way, sorry. Life is not that rosy, marriage is serious business. The guy is hardworking, okay that's nice, but he has to make enough money to support two people. I think your mom is right.

0 #8