I often argue with my friend because of their debts. Iâm tired of them constantly asking for help and then questioning it. Iâm afraid our friendship will suffer, but I really donât want to help. What should I do in this situation?
I never get involved in this stuff. Youâll get tired.
I had a friend who always borrowed money. One time he said, âThis will be the last time,â but then he asked again. I really cut him off.
how many times is he asking for a loan or for how long is this going on?
@yazipsildim asked for it 4-5 times in the past year. Always paid it back, but questions a lot afterwards.
@aklimkaldi If youâve asked 4-5 times and refunded, the real issue is a bit with you, I think. Why canât you just say you donât want it directly? Be honest.
Constantly asking for financial support in friendships creates an unhealthy cycle. Itâs important to clearly define your boundaries. The aspect of questioning debts is already a problem in itself, as it leads to a erosion of trust.
he should ask for help from other people; you shouldnât take on the burden for every problem he has.
@benbisorayim I think youâve blown the situation out of proportion by calling it an âunhealthy cycleâ or something. It can be simply resolved by saying âI canât give it, sorry.â
If youâve lent money to someone who pays you back 4-5 times, youâve already accepted this dynamic. Why does it become a problem now? You need to clearly state what you donât want from the beginning; otherwise, youâre exhausting yourself and filling the other person with doubt.
Every time, the repayments might have ânormalizedâ your debts too. But questioning makes it strange. At this stage, if they ask for new debt, what will your attitude be? Will you reject them outright or will you set a limit?
It creates an impression that they donât trust you much more than the debt. You say the payment plan is fine; so, why do you think they might be acting so paranoid? Is there another issue between you two?
If theyâre asking so many questions, maybe theyâre borrowing from someone else too and trying to keep track of how much they owe or how much money they have left. Have you ever thought about that? Since they are repaying, the issue isnât financial but rather about trust/control.
Perhaps your friend has actually created a reliable image by making regular repayments, but constantly asking for loans indicates that they are struggling to manage their budget. How effective do you think your role is in this cycle? Has it turned into a habit that continues as you provide support?
In debt matters, the ârepaymentâ section is just as important as the âhow frequently is it requestedâ section. Is it requested every two months, weekly? Or is it always for the same type of expenses? These details may indicate a strange pattern.
Someone who continuously asks for payments and then requests debt again is not completely secure. They are either so insecure that they will ruin their own finances, or they see you as solid and act comfortably. In either case, the person to hold accountable is not you, but them.
If itâs related to not being able to manage the budget, then why do they still ask you? Arenât they using options like bank loans, another acquaintance, etc.? It seems like either their trust in other places is broken, or they see you as an easy way out.
Maybe they are marketing themselves as a âproblem-free borrowerâ by making regular repayments. But the real question is: why canât someone who needs it so often balance their income with their expenses? Sure, theyâre reliable, but is it sustainable?
Itâs interesting that they keep choosing you even if they pay regularly. Ask yourself, âwhy always me?â You canât break this cycle without learning why theyâre not utilizing other resources.
Maybe asking for so much money is some sort of test for him? Could he have the perception that âif they support me financially, then we are really close friendsâ? The issue of trust might also work the other way around.