We're arguing because of my fear of childbirth, am I overreacting?

I've been through something similar; I was incredibly scared before my first birth. I was more worried about losing control than the pain itself, as you mentioned. The midwife at the hospital gave me a little tactic for breath control, and it made a big difference. If you tell your partner, maybe you can try it together?

Fear of childbirth is very common; it might even be called tokophobia, but it doesn't necessarily need to be treated as a clinical condition. A few breathing exercises, perhaps a support group, or a talk with a professional could help ease the anxiety. You share this with your partner, but it might also be necessary to lighten this burden for them a bit.

Your spouse seems to be right. Because these things are solved with a bit of calmness. If you constantly feel like you're pushing them too hard, maybe you are getting a bit carried away. Making such a big deal out of the birth can really stress everyone out.

You're right, I think I'm making my spouse too anxious. But when they said, "you're exaggerating so much that I'm getting tense too," it really hurt me. Because I can't manage my fear, I get more frustrated. I'll talk about the breathing issue 😅

But you say yourself "we are arguing". Don't you ever think about how tired she gets while trying to comfort you? After all, she’s standing by your side, trying to understand your troubles. Once the birth is over, you might forget, but if you continue to treat her this way, it will leave a mark.