The issue of gold has exploded for us too, to be honest. I can't make a financial decision without consulting my family, but they always start a debate saying, 'They interfere with everything.' But in the end, it's them who help... How did you solve these kinds of things together? Is there really a way to do it without conflict?
I was officially upset with my fiancé about the gold issue for 3 days. His family insisted, "the bracelet will cost this much," but our budget couldn't cover it. In the end, we sat down and calculated what we could actually wear and what we could give as a gift. But I was also talking less to my parents, and we tried to solve it more between us. It worked.
I think you also have to make your own decisions a bit. Family might be helping, but if you're living under their influence at every step, your fiancé has a point. If it's going to be like this after getting married, that's a problem right from the start. You can't manage both marriage and your mother's approval 🥲
This situation is about budget management. Whether a couple makes a decision together or a family is involved, the party that holds the actual control is the one providing the money. Expecting full independence while receiving financial support usually doesn't work. Experts also suggest that in these types of situations, the couple should create their own financial plan. Getting help from the family is optional but should be limited.
Let me also add that my fiancée is not really close with my family. I mean, there have been a few arguments before... That's why she is constantly on edge, thinking 'they get involved in everything'. But it seems impossible for me to handle the gold prices and the list on my own. I'm very tired.
Let me be clear, as soon as someone says your mother is getting involved, you lose focus on the issue. This is related to a person's inability to set their own boundaries. Material things are a separate discussion, but it's problematic when your partner exerts such pressure on your family. Saying "get married" is clearly manipulative.
What kind of logic is this? If there's this much tension even before the engagement, what's it going to be like afterward? Marriage requires an equal relationship; if discussions constantly revolve around family, it seems like it's doomed to fail. You need to sort this out from the beginning, or the cost will be high later on.
