My girlfriend said she's in a bit of financial trouble and asked me for a loan. It's not a huge amount, but to be honest, I feel a bit hesitant. If I don't give it, will I look untrusting? If I do give it, will it feel like I'm being 'used'? What would you do in this situation?
I've been through something similar, he asked for money. At first, I gave it to him because I thought he was someone I loved. But then once it started, it just continued. After a while, I started questioning if it would always be like this. That's why I suggest you set your boundaries from the start 🙃
You say it's not a lot of money, but still, put something in writing. I mean, if it's a debt, it should be clear when it will be paid back. Otherwise, this could lead to unpleasantness down the line; you need to be clear.
But for example, how is your financial situation? I mean, if you are struggling, you need to set your own limits. If you are comfortable but still don't want to give, I think there might be some issues with trust in the relationship. It's important to consider both sides.
Every relationship is built on a balance. Material demands usually affect the dynamics of effort and power. When asking you for something, is there really an equal effort, or are they just expecting support from you? I suggest you think carefully about these boundaries.
I said let it be an update, for those reading the text. Actually, my hesitation at that moment isn't really about the feeling of being 'used'. This was the first time, and it didn't seem too awkward. So I'm weighing whether to help someone in a tight spot or to say no.
Stuff like this happens a lot on our campus. From what I hear, people first ask for a loan, then things get complicated. I think you should ask for details before giving that money. Why didn't they ask their family or something? That's an important point 😳
By the way, let me be clear: that feeling of being stuck in the middle is terrible. I mean, you love someone, but then you think, "Did I make a mistake?" It's really hard to decide whether to follow your heart or your mind. Even if it's just a little money, it's totally normal to feel this way.
Actually, in relationships, these kinds of financial situations are like a field where boundaries are tested. If you and your partner have never had such a financial sharing before, you should clearly establish the rules from the beginning. The decision here can also affect the future of your relationship.
