My partner told me last week that they didn't want me to wear shorts at home. I said it's just us here, nobody's coming over anyway, but they just said, 'You don't understand me,' without even explaining. Do you think this is jealousy, or are they trying to control me? Honestly, I'm confused.
I think this is direct control. I mean, you're already at home, the outer door is closed and so on. The part about 'you don't understand me' also felt a bit manipulative, to be honest. Today it might be shorts, tomorrow it could be something else. You need to set your boundaries clearly here.
You need to be clear about these things. Just say openly, 'Why would I upset you with what I wear at home?' If they can't explain this, it means it's not jealousy; they're just trying to exert pressure on you. Definitely set some boundaries 😬
The thing I don't understand is this: why is the guy upset, didn't you talk about this? For example, let's say some men want to feel more special at home. Maybe there's something like that. You shouldn't see everything as control, but it's normal for you to want an explanation.
In general, the impulse to control takes precedence in such situations, but simply saying "wrong" is not enough. People sometimes act based on the values they carry from childhood. If you approach it with understanding and set clear boundaries, it can be resolved. The communication between the two of you is important, and don't hesitate to seek help from a professional.
So, here's the thing, let me clarify: Previously, my friend was also setting boundaries in our conversations by saying things like 'don't go out with that person' and 'don't go there.' Yes, he didn't yell or anything, but there are always these implied statements. I mean, he doesn't say anything explicitly, but I constantly feel like I have to hold back. It's this feeling that really exhausted me.
Well, here it is, actually checking up on you. Doesn't want you to wear shorts, interferes with your friend, and leaves you with nothing before you even experience it. These kinds of things are endless, right? It's narrowing down your freedom. If I were you, I would speak up and make a clear decision since I realized it early on.
But think about this too: maybe the man has seen such things from his family or something. Wrong, yes, but maybe he's not aware of it either. Especially, you need to know whether he sees that restriction as a way to protect you or if he wants to shape you. The two are very different.
