Recently, my spouse has started making jokes about private matters in friend or family settings. Honestly, I think this should remain private, but they say, 'Don't worry about it, everyone is relaxed.' It's become very embarrassing for me. What would you do in my place? Am I being unreasonable?
To be honest, I've experienced something like that too. My ex-boyfriend would always joke about our private matters in front of his friends. I told him I was uncomfortable a couple of times, but he said things like 'you're overreacting.' Honestly, we ended up really breaking apart because of it. I don't understand that mindset that defends it as being relaxed.
Boundaries regarding privacy vary from person to person, but the main issue is creating a shared space as a couple. Most therapists who advocate for the priority of respect and consent in relationships argue that there should be no compromises on such matters. I believe you should clearly express to your partner how seriously you take this. The argument of 'Everyone is comfortable' does not justify something that makes you uncomfortable.
I mean, there are topics that cannot be discussed openly among everyone, but you can also be a bit too sensitive. I don’t know, if you see it as a mistake, it might be more positive if you approach the conversation a bit more calmly. After all, they are just joking, they are not belittling you or deliberately trying to hurt you.
Now that I read your comments, I realized I need to give a bit more detail. These jokes are usually related to our private lives, nothing else. For example, the other day while sitting with my group of friends, he attempted to make a joke about one of our bedrooms at home. At that moment, I wanted to disappear into the ground. I don't know anymore if I can't take a joke or if this is really wrong.
Ah, there it is, this detail really explained what you meant. Feeling embarrassed is a completely valid feeling. For me, the issue here isn't just the joke; your partner needs to understand you. Instead of brushing it off with "everyone's comfortable," they shouldn't do something that makes you uncomfortable. The cost of being funny shouldn’t be making you go through this.
