My roommate loves to bring friends over every weekend, but it gets noisy while I’m trying to sleep. I’m so disturbed that I can’t help but ask, isn’t there a limit to this? Who brings guests home at midnight? What should I do?
No way!
I was really disturbed because of my roommate too. I couldn’t sleep until morning because he brought guests over at night.
How long have you been living in the same house?
@kahvebitmeden I don’t think it’s a big deal at all. It’s completely normal for a guest to arrive.
We’ve been living this for a year, but it’s not a new situation; this happens every weekend.
In such situations, it’s important to cut in. First and foremost, you need to speak for comfort in your room.
If they are making noise while you’re trying to sleep in your room, that’s completely disrespectful. Focus on yourself, not the guest. Just say “I’m sleeping, keep it down,” it’s that simple. If they don’t care, they’re really joking around, so don’t let them keep doing that.
If it’s happening every weekend now, I think this request for silence is no longer sufficient. We need to sit down and set rules directly, stating that “guests will not be accepted after midnight.” It won’t get better without drawing a line.
It’s nice to set rules, but what will you do if they aren’t followed? I mean, you say no, but they keep bringing it anyway. What happens next? Does that kind of roommate relationship continue like that?
I think the issue is less about the guest and more about the fact that you’re still living in the same place despite nothing changing for such a long time. You’ve talked, you’ve said things, you’ve warned them, that’s clear. So why do you choose to continue this roommate situation? Because it doesn’t seem like they’re going to show that respect.
The fact that they’re making such a decision without discussing it with you, aside from the number of guests or the time, is problematic. They don’t even bother to ask, “Would you be uncomfortable if I brought guests home?” This directly shakes the dynamics of shared living. You can’t have not talked about this at all, but if the arrangement is still the same, then either they are clearly rejecting your suggestions or not taking you seriously. Which one is it?
I noticed something: if it’s like this every weekend, is this guest usually different, or are they generally the same people? If it’s the same, it creates a situation where you’re almost like a roommate with one person. So the issue isn’t just about your roommate; the person coming over might also be used to this “comfort”. I wonder if you need to talk to both of them at once?
So why is your roommate so tolerant of these guests staying up all night, making noise, and disturbing you? At some point, wouldn’t they usually say, “I’m getting bored too; let’s wrap it up early”? Or is this now a form of communication or escape for them? What do they get out of these late-night conversations?
Do the guests acknowledge you at all? Do they at least say something like, “I hope we’re not bothering you”? Because if they’ve set up a whole routine without considering your presence, they might feel more like guests in the house rather than roommates with you. This situation can be even more frustrating.
If it is being repeated this often, I think the guests see it as some sort of “permitted area”. It seems that not only your roommate but also the people coming over don’t really care where the boundaries are. Since you are the owner of the house, they clearly don’t think of themselves as guests. Have you ever tried talking directly to the guests? The exact address for a question like “Do you consider my situation when you come over?” is actually them.
Could it be an issue that your housemate keeps saying “I” instead of “we”? I mean, if they’re acting like they use the common areas alone, then the guest situation turns into an excuse. In their mind, is this house already “their home”?
How do you host guests while you’re at home? I mean, are you directly visible in the kitchen or the living room? Maybe even your quiet presence there would make them uneasy, and they might think, “She doesn’t like us.” But if you’re never around, they seem to feel quite comfortable, obviously. It’s important to make your position clear and obvious.
If you’re exhibiting a calm but distant demeanor towards guests, it seems this comfort has been more influenced by your roommate’s guidance. In other words, they might have provided some assurance that the guests won’t bother you. Have they ever made comments about the presence of guests while you’re there? Something like “They’ll retreat to their room, it won’t be a problem,” for instance?
For example, are the guests still this comfortable when you’re not around? If your roommate treats them the same way in your absence, it might have turned into something like his own “house rules.” But if they are a bit quieter or retreat a little when you are there, it suggests that they are actually aware of the boundaries but simply don’t care. Have you ever observed that?