We had talked about sharing everything equally at home, but he keeps overspending. For example, last month he increased the internet speed without me knowing, and our bill went up. It feels like whenever I try to cut back on spending, his expenses just increase. How can I talk to him about this without hurting his feelings? Or am I being too uptight?
I think we should make the matter concrete. Set a cap on shared expenses. For instance, if the total bills exceed XX TL, we talk first. Everyone can adjust according to their personal preferences, but they can't exceed this limit. The situation would be clear, and no one would get upset.
I noticed this: You said this friend "should have asked for my opinion," and he went quiet. This means he is aware of something too. Maybe he’s silently thinking, "Did I spend too much?" Or maybe he’s just careless and not as thoughtful as you are. As annoying as it is, this is actually his shortcoming, not yours.
Priorities are very important in budget management. Yours could be the essential expenses of the household, while theirs may be 'comfort' expenses like wanting more speed. In this case, you either separate the budgets or make a joint decision. If the other party does not adhere to this rule, it continuously creates tension.
I've noticed something: no matter how much I try to talk, he always says 'we'll handle it,' but nothing changes. For instance, having already paid so much for the speed boost, he insists on getting the higher-tier movie package as well, and I'm just not interested anymore. It seems like the conversation has shifted from budget to comfort.
I had a similar experience too; last year my roommate was constantly ordering takeout using our shared card. I made a spending list and sat down with him, stating my intention was not to attack but to find a "solution." I suggested things like getting a separate card or putting a portion of the money in an envelope in the cupboard, and it worked.
'Why is internet speed so important?' Really, right. How much speed could one possibly need for a normal life? Someone explain it to me because I'm seriously going crazy. If someone is getting a higher package, let them pay the difference themselves, it's that simple.
Looking at it like Elif, the detail that seems small here is actually at the center of the issue. If it were me, I wouldn't make a definitive decision without asking about that detail.
