My roommate is always messy, leaving clothes everywhere. I’m someone who likes cleanliness, and this really bothers me. I’ve told them, but they don’t seem to care much. What do you think I should do? I also want a bit of independence from my family, but this situation is making me anxious.
I’m sorry, but I would have lost my mind.
Dude, I’ve been through the same situation. My roommate was piling up plates in the kitchen, and I couldn’t solve it by just saying something. I had to leave.
How long have you been living together with this same roommate? Did they used to do things like this before?
@yazipsildim we’ve been in the same house for about 6 months. It was messy before too, but I thought maybe it would get better.
@aklimkaldi you said it would get better, but why did you expect something like this? People live by their nature; if you hadn’t seen any change, you should’ve left in the first month.
Cleaning habits are often related to personal background. Suggest a direct cleaning plan, and go into detail. Discussing a weekly routine can help reduce neglected areas.
@pazardandondum don’t speak so definitely, everyone has a period where they slack off a bit. No one starts off perfectly.
If you call roommate relationships independence from family, it seems like watching the Titanic ram into an iceberg. If you think it would stabilize with a little tidiness, it seems you have a bit of Pollyanna energy. If you’re not seriously considering separation, at least suggest starting with mini tasks like tidying up after meals or organizing laundry.
I want to say something; this “maybe it will get better” part feels a bit like an escape. Could the main issue have been not making any noise at the beginning? Because when you try to fix things later without setting clear boundaries from the start, there’s always this kind of tension. I’m not sure if it would have the same effect even if you talked now.
It’s true that not talking from the start is an issue, but six months isn’t a short time; the person on the other side is also an adult. They should have realized that already; it’s not something that will happen just because you pointed it out. It seems like you’ve shown a bit too much tolerance.
I don’t really agree with the whole tolerance thing because sometimes people can’t show their discomfort. For example, once my former roommate would sit on my bed and plug in her phone. I said, “Make yourself comfortable,” but inside I was going crazy. What I mean is, not everyone is good at being clear from the start; maybe you could try to be more direct now.
But waiting for six months without saying anything doesn’t make sense either. Is it complaining about the mess and constantly tidying up, or being resigned to a house in chaos from the start? That indecisive stance seems to have encouraged them even more. Now that they’re talking, they might go on the defensive, so be prepared.
But there is also this: maybe if you had approached it with a more sincere attitude from the beginning, saying something like, “I’ll take care of this part, and you handle this task,” it could have been resolved without escalating it this much. Now having to speak directly makes it more tense. Is that person open to sharing things, or do they tend to avoid work directly?
I think when you show this much tolerance and then explode, the person across from you might wonder, “What changed now?” This situation seems more related to your way of expressing your discomfort than to being messy. Does it always happen like this? Are you unable to speak up only about this issue?
It doesn’t just seem like a mess; it feels like a matter of taking responsibility. Are you always the one taking on the household chores, or is he doing something to help? Also, think about why you haven’t said anything for so long—are you afraid of backlash, is it a habit, or have you just been distracting yourself by saying “we’ll manage”? Because this process is important; otherwise, you’ll end up in the same cycle with your next roommate.
Is there really a need for such a detailed analysis? I’m not sure. After all, the reason someone is consistently messy is usually simple: they don’t care. When you pick things up, the problem is solved, and they don’t put in any extra effort. What I want to ask is this: do you think this laziness habit can be broken even if you talk about it?
Maybe the issue isn’t “laziness,” but rather that this person’s understanding of cleanliness is completely different. What seems messy to you might be normal for them. Have you ever thought about sitting down and discussing “what does this mean for both of us?” Or have you only evaluated it based on your own standards? Because in situations like this, if expectations haven’t been communicated clearly even once, the outcome is always disappointment.
I was wondering, is there irresponsibility in other areas besides the mess? Or is it just a matter limited to household chores? Because if it’s the same in other areas, this conversation may remain unresolved.
Maybe it was necessary to start by opening up the term “equal sharing” from the beginning. Because not everyone has the same perception of handling household chores. If you try to talk about it now, you’ll need to find a language that repairs not just the task but also the communication in between. Cleaning habits and expectations should be laid out on the table to find common ground.