I feel like there's an issue with the bill; it seems like the water bill is always being dumped on me. They keep saying, 'But I'm working this much, and it's not enough.' Okay, I understand the situation, but I'm always the one making sacrifices. Do you think economic realism is more important, or romantic expectations? Do I have to take the lower ground for the sake of friendship?
I experienced the same issue with my roommate back then. The conversation would always be about how "I'm working this much, but it's not enough." I initially took it lightly, but at one point we had a serious talk and divided everything in writing, and that's when they understood. I think you should sit down and set clear boundaries; otherwise, it will just be the same cycle.
There was a crisis at our house too because of these bills. I felt like I was paying for water, electricity, and everything else. Then we made an Excel spreadsheet for everything, and it became clear who paid for what. Transparency really works, to be honest 🤭
But look, when you talk matters a lot too. You've written as if you always have a "I'm taking it easy" approach, but maybe that's not really enough. It's not just about economic balance; timing is important too. Maybe you're bringing it up at the wrong moment, and that's why you feel defensive?
This situation is actually one of the classic problems of shared living. In the context of roommate arrangements, division of labor and financial arrangements should generally be made in writing. Without a written agreement, discussions tend to revolve around perceptions and feelings. Perhaps the feeling of 'everything seems to be revolving around me' stems from the unclear system.
Update: Friends, you are right, we don't have a clear system. Usually, she would pay later, but I always have to keep track of what she paid and when. Now I'll try to prepare a table or something. But I still have this feeling: what if we fall out? I don't want to ruin the relationship.
My daughter, if she were my daughter, I would say to her, first give yourself some value. Sure, friendship is important, but you are an individual too. If you're the only one enduring everything, where will this lead? Maintaining a relationship takes mutual effort, not just one-sided.
The feeling that the bill is always being pushed onto me really annoys a person. Are you the one making that arrangement every month? I mean, that's a burden in itself. I'd go crazy if I had to chase invoices among my own tasks, honestly. If a joint decision is to be made, it's already here.
We also clashed at home during that period because of this. One of us kept saying, 'I have a lot of work,' while the other was shouting, 'Am I supposed to handle everything by myself?' We opened a shared WhatsApp group, and everything was put in writing. I can say it helped us relax a bit.
I experienced the same thing with my high school friend Bora back in the day. The rent in the house we stayed at was always shared, but when it came to things like electricity and water, he would always say, 'Forget it, we’ll sort it out later.' Believe me, when you don’t make a written agreement, every conversation turns into an argument. In the end, we changed houses because our nerves were frayed.
