We’ve been together for 4 years, everything is going well but I want to seriously take a step forward now. He is still talking about plans, but there’s no proposal or anything. Do you think I should wait a bit longer and not show it, or should I just have a direct conversation like ‘When are we getting married?’? Do guys prefer clarity in these matters, or does it come off as pushy?
5 Answers
5I thought the same as you after waiting for 3 years. At first, I thought I would drop hints, but then I realized he didn’t get it. In the end, I just asked directly, ‘Are you thinking about getting married?’ The answer was evasive; it turned out he wasn’t ready at all. With a simple question, you’re really looking at the heart of the matter. I recommend it.
Honestly, I need to speak openly: if he’s waiting for a sign, you might not have shown it to him at all. Why put pressure on the guy just because you’re thinking it’s only been 4 years? Maybe he has something in mind too, but he can’t express it because of your impatience. Ask him what he’s planning, and then it will become clear.
In communication between men and women, unless such concrete topics are actually opened up, both sides can be looking at things from a different perspective. His talking about his plans is actually a positive sign for you, but if you want clarity, you need to have a completely open conversation. The goal is not to blame but to position yourselves with the question ‘Where are we right now?’. Here, the right question would not be ‘When are we getting married?’ but rather ‘Are our thoughts about marriage compatible?’.
I need to add that I’ve actually asked a few times when the topic of weddings or similar things came up, like “how do you imagine it?” and he always responded with things like “there’s still time,” “first, let’s focus on work and settling down.” I really don’t understand; if he were serious, would it really take this long?
There is another situation here for me. If men are truly serious about a clear relationship, they will set things right in 4 years. Either they are very undecided, which could be a bad signal, or maybe when it comes to marriage, they are afraid of losing you as a person but don’t feel ready. You can’t understand without talking openly about it.