My flirt isn't following my social media accounts. I hadn't thought about it at all, but after spending time together, I noticed. This feels strange to me; I wonder why they aren't following me? Should I bring it up to them, or should I make it a bigger deal?
That's a bit weird, I would seriously ask.
So do you follow him, for example? Maybe the guy isn't into social media.
@camkenari yes, I follow her, and I even occasionally check her stories, but she doesn’t seem like she's from around there.
@aklimkaldi why did you blow this up like this? I think it depends on what you expect from social media 😂
Some people may keep their dating/romantic relationships completely separate from social media. This could be a matter of privacy preference or simply not caring about it. If it's important to you, it can be beneficial to talk about it.
I had the same thing happen to me, so I asked directly. I got a silly response like, 'We're in a relationship, so is there really a need to follow each other on social media?'
@kahvebitmeden might actually be right, you don't necessarily have to follow each other on social media. If they value face-to-face relationships more, they might think like this.
Let's say they don't care about social media, but why do they make it a "conscious" choice by not following you? If they completely ignored it, they wouldn't even check your account or think about it. There's something odd about it.
Maybe they're trying to keep flirting just to messages and remain invisible on social media. You say that they're neither following nor acting interested, which seems a bit strategic to me. We need to understand whether they're hiding something secretly or if this is genuinely how their mindset works.
It seems like they don't want to follow you and also don't want to show that they are aware of you. This is either a "non-commitment" move or they have another story on social media. Just ask them directly why they did this, so it gets clarified.
Could it be that they don't want to appear to follow you, but are secretly checking you out? If they aren't following, they wouldn't show up in interactions, for example. There are some people who like to keep a "visible distance" in flirting situations. That's why they might get defensive if you ask directly; try to find out casually in conversation.
You say that they might switch to defense when asked, but this shouldn't be an issue that makes someone stop following up. If they are being this sensitive, wouldn't it also cause problems in open communication while dating? Instead of confusing someone by saying "I’m keeping my distance," wouldn’t it be more logical to clearly show one’s intentions?
Let's look at this from another angle: If they are not following and leaving a gap there, could it be that they are keeping you in a position where they can "observe" you? That is, it could be something like staying "independent" by not following while also trying to figure you out. Am I overthinking this? I'm not sure.
By not following, they are putting distance, but this is not a "perceived distance" because you notice it. The main question is: why do they want this distance? It may point to a limit in their sincerity. If they enjoy dealing with these kinds of details, their communication methods may also be challenging.
Think about it this way: how long can someone who doesn't follow you but "secretly observes" you keep that up? Social media is now a normal part of dating, so how would someone who plays so carefully there behave in other areas? Will they always be on edge in real life too, or is this strategic behavior only for social media?
Maybe he/she is positioning his/her relationship with social media in a completely different place? I mean, could it be that something you see as a part of dating is viewed by him/her as a completely secondary area? It might not be about "I don’t want my relationship to be visible here" but more like "there’s no relationship happening here anyway."
Maybe she doesn't see the seriousness of the following issue from the same perspective as you? The meaning of social media varies for everyone. Have you tried talking to her about social media use in general, without mentioning the following? Perhaps you can pick up a hint from there.
There are two possibilities here: Either he "doesn't want to show you" on social media, or your presence there isn't that important to him. Both are different ways of thinking, and to understand which situation applies, you need to really figure out his social media habits first. Look at his behaviors outside of following; are there other clues?
Maybe they're trying to keep themselves separate from the flirting dynamic by not following along. In other words, that could be a relationship-free, completely individual space for them. But if this puts you in the background, it can turn into a "priority" issue. I suggest looking at how they demonstrate this priority in other areas.
Does he have another account? He might be stalking from there. If so, this "independent space" story is a bit tricky. Like a double game.
Could it be that he's pulling the work a bit towards the "control" side by not following up? I mean, there’s no follow-up, but is there an effort to keep it balanced by seeing that you’re affected by it? He might be measuring your reactions through social media. This seems like a somewhat passive approach.
Or simply put, who else isn't following? Is there a general "coldness" on social media, or are they being selective? Maybe the issue isn't just you 🫣
And there's this: Following you on social media might create a feeling of "making the relationship official"? By doing this, an expectation will arise, and they might not be ready for that. So, it’s not about being strategic, but rather a way to avoid the weight of taking a step. Have you ever thought about this possibility?
Is she not following but reacting to her posts? If so, not following might just be a formality. If she's not interested at all, it’s complete indifference.
