It seems that my mother-in-law doesn't like my relationship with my wife. She constantly criticizes me in social settings and always praises other girls to my wife. Honestly, this situation really affects me, and I'm afraid it will create problems in my marriage. My wife doesn't notice this, but I don't know what to do.
Have you ever noticed that they use your partner as a mediator against you? For example, instead of confronting you directly, they try to corner you by sending messages through them or using indirect communication like, "Why did Bahar do that?" This could be a way to gain the upper hand by avoiding direct confrontation and putting someone else in between.
Have you ever had someone downplay your joy or success and overshadow it? For example, giving examples from their past like, "Is that a big deal? Look, I did this back in the day," to devalue your moment. Such situations can be another face of competition.
Have you ever felt that someone implied you were "too modern" or "too different"? For example, trying to alienate you from the family with sentences like "Our brides wouldn't do that" or "In our time, these things were shameful." Sometimes, these subtle exclusions have a greater impact than open hostility.
Have they ever done things that felt like an intrusion into your personal space? For example, rummaging through your closet, rearranging your belongings without permission, or acting possessively about something that belongs to you. This could be a quest for control disguised as love.
Has any child ever tried to shape you through comments? For example, making statements like "His/her mother is treating him/her this way, but I would do it like this," criticizing your parenting style. Sometimes they might prefer to hit indirectly rather than directly.
Has your partner ever said harsh things to you under the guise of "joking"? For example, making a joke that belittles you and then trying to brush it off with something like, "I'm just joking, why would you take it personally?" Sometimes they can mask criticism this way.
Have you ever noticed anything strange in your gift-giving dynamics? For example, receiving something that you don’t need or don’t like, and it feels like the gift emphasizes an obligation to you. Sometimes, these kinds of things might also send the message "see, what I said is more accurate."
Has anyone ever openly questioned your opinions? For instance, trying to undermine your authority by constantly dissecting a decision of yours with subtle critiques like, "Is this right? I wouldn't do it that way." Sometimes, instead of direct confrontation, they opt for passive questioning to assert their superiority.
Have you ever been deliberately ignored by others in front of you? For example, during a conversation, being excluded while someone talks specifically with another person, deliberately leaving you out. Sometimes it's not outright hostility, but these little acts of ignoring can also say something.
Has there ever been a time when he tried to make you look bad in relation to your own son? For example, saying things like "My son wouldn't understand such things, you misled him" could be a way of trying to create a secret distance between you two. Sometimes, it might not even be aimed directly at you, but rather targeting the foundations of your relationship.
Have you ever had someone carry tales about you to third parties and then try to present those people's reactions as if they were "spontaneous"? For example, after an argument, saying "Look, x actually thinks that way too" to create an impression that everyone shares the same opinion. They usually do this to shape perceptions.
Has anyone ever tried to come between you and someone in your circle? For instance, implying through comments like "Look, they're not really doing the right thing for you" regarding your mother or your friend, attempting to isolate you. Sometimes, the hostility might not be directed at you directly, but at your support network around you.
Have there ever been times when someone tried to undermine you in front of children? For example, saying things like "Look, your mom is doing that again" to make you look bad. Some mothers-in-law can be more ruthless, carrying the battle onto the next generation.
Have you ever noticed that they try to make you jealous? For example, polishing an old memory and starting conversations like "Ah, it was like this back then," trying to put you in the background. It feels like they're trying to assert their power over you.
Has anyone ever belittled you by saying you were "too sensitive" or "overreacting" because of your behavior? Sometimes, rather than confronting you openly, they might be trying to maintain a position of being right by invalidating your feelings. This kind of talk subtly undermines your morale.
Have you ever been spoken to in a way that seems to belittle you "jokingly" in front of others? For instance, when someone mocks something you've done, making a lighthearted jab in front of everyone. Sometimes, there can be quite serious intentions behind these jokes, so let's not overlook that.
Has your partner ever tried to constantly glorify themselves in front of you, leaving you in the shadows? For example, by exaggerating a success story and completely disregarding your contribution. This kind of behavior is usually done to make you seem passive.
Have they ever indirectly compared you to their spouse, trying to make you feel inadequate with stories like "In our time..."? Sometimes this tactic creates a perception where they elevate themselves while belittling you. It's presented as a supposedly innocent nostalgia, but there are some pretty serious messages underneath. Pay attention to these details.
Has your spouse ever tried to claim something they told you as their own by saying, "I was actually thinking the same thing"? Sometimes, this is a way to subtly disrupt the harmony with your partner without you even realizing it. It's a very subtle manipulative game.
Have your grandchildren ever sent you passive-aggressive messages? For example, making suggestions that question your control in front of your children, like interventions saying, "I think it would be better if you didn't do that." These kinds of actions corner you and undermine your authority, do you realize that?
Have you ever received a gift from someone who then constantly reminded you of it as if it were a "favor"? For example, saying something like, "I bought that dress, but I've never seen you wear it." Such things are subtly woven in to make you feel "indebted" at some point, and it can be hard to notice.
Has there ever been a time when your partner took on a "wise person" role by questioning your decisions? For example, trying to push their own opinion forward as if it were the golden rule while finding your preferences to be wrong. This could be a strategy to push you one step back.
Have you ever had someone interject in a way that creates the impression you’re arguing with your partner in a social setting or public space? For instance, bringing up a topic by saying, "So how do you two handle this?" This can sometimes be a way to make it seem like there’s a problem between you and put you in a difficult position.
Have you ever felt like someone indirectly criticized you while cooking or doing something around the house by saying something like "I would do it like this..."? I mean, they’re not outright saying it’s bad, but there’s an underlying message that "my method is better". It’s a sneaky way of asserting superiority.
Has your partner ever talked about their childhood memories in a way that excludes you, like saying "That's why they turned out to be such a perfect person"? I mean, dismissing your contributions to your current relationship and creating an atmosphere that completely ties your partner's character to their past. Such expressions can make you feel like you’re not included at all.
Has anyone ever done something for you by saying, "I thought this would be good for you" without asking for your opinion or considering your input? At first glance, it may seem like a thoughtful gesture, but it can actually cross boundaries and infringe on your control. When you reject it, it can also make you feel ungrateful.
Has there ever been a time when your partner exaggerated a special memory about you while trying to leave you out of the story? For example, saying "They were always like this, even when they were little, how thoughtful they were." It can feel like an attempt to showcase their own influence as if you had no contribution at all.
Have you ever had someone start off by saying, "In our time..." instead of directly criticizing the care or discipline of children, lifting up their own methods? In other words, it creates a tension that implies they don’t see you as adequate without actually putting you down. They might be subtly devaluing both you and your methods.
Have you ever had your spouse constantly do little favors for them in front of you, making you look passive? For example, bringing coffee and saying something like "You’re tired, I’ll take care of it." It might be to portray you as someone who isn’t thoughtful.
Has there ever been a time when your partner acted as if they were trying to seek your approval even when you were right there with them? For example, always looking for support by saying things like, "Right, honey?" They might want to seem completely dependent on their opinion while excluding you.
Has she ever exhibited a passive-aggressive attitude, as if she were asking you directly for something instead of her spouse, implying that she should actually be asking her? For example, saying something like, "You decide, and our son will act accordingly." It could be an attempt to make you feel unauthorized, while in reality, she is the one who should be addressed.
Have you ever had someone interrupt you or shift the topic to something else just while you were speaking or telling a story? You know, as if what you were saying was insignificant, making an effort to position themselves as more interesting. This is also a passive yet obvious method of belittlement.
Has anyone ever tried to describe something you did as if it were their idea to gain praise? For example, seeing a method related to children from you and then telling others, "I've always said that." It could be a tactic to undermine you and make themselves look good.
Have you ever had someone try to implement another plan at the last minute when you already made a plan? For example, you've arranged to go somewhere, and then they suddenly say, "I was already thinking about this" and want to change everything. It may seem like good intentions, but it's really an effort to keep control.
Has there ever been a time when someone brought up a decision made with your spouse or children in front of others, as if that decision were wrong, putting you in a tough spot? For example, something like "I wouldn't do it that way, but the young people think differently." It might not be directly against you, but they could be trying to undermine your authority indirectly.
Have you ever had your partner bring up a private issue in a family setting, as if it were a detail everyone should know? For example, saying, "Our son said this the other day" could expose a private matter that puts you in a tough spot. While it may not be targeting you, it could be aiming at your relationship.
Has there ever been a time when your partner tried to pull them aside in a topic where you've expressed your opinion, making it seem like you were in the wrong? For example, saying something like, "Our boy thinks that way too, but I would say..." and leaving you out of it. The issue might not be with you, but rather with the bond between you.
Have you ever had your partner act like they were defending you but actually imposing their own opinion? For example, an approach like "My spouse wouldn't want that," making you feel as if you would already be against it. They might be using your partner as a buffer while hiding their own desire.
Have you ever pretended to follow the rules in your house, then tried to get the kids to do what you want instead? Like when you ban something, but they secretly get permission from you. This could be seen as trying to bypass direct authority.
Has there ever been a time when they talked as if they were hinting at something to others without directly saying anything to you or your partner? For example, in a conversation, saying something like "Some women never listen to their partners, and then the relationship turns out this way." They might be using an indirect pressure tactic.
Has anyone ever made it seem like they were mocking what you said? For example, when you expressed an opinion, a dismissive comment like "oh, I guess this is the new trend". It's not a direct attack, but it constantly makes you feel like you're not being taken seriously.
Have you ever had someone try to downplay one of your achievements to take credit for themselves? For example, you've accomplished something, and they say, "Well, we used to do it this way back in the day," trying to lighten your credit and shift the focus onto themselves. That could be a tactic.
Have you ever sensed that someone might be jealous of your good relationship with a family member? For example, trying to cause some friction with little jabs regarding your brother or your mother. It might not be directly towards you, but could be a play for your support.
Has there ever been a time when they tried to put you on the sidelines regarding financial matters? For instance, in a spending or decision-making situation, saying something like "Our boy doesn’t know about these things anyway," to sideline you. It may not be about money directly, but they might be playing with the control issue.
Have you ever underestimated decisions related to children, saying "you know best" while actually shifting all the responsibility onto you? Then if something goes wrong, they say, "I wasn’t involved at all" to distance themselves from it? It could be a method where they don't act as if they are involved but control things in the background.
Have they ever forced you into a situation with their own actions? Like they do something and finish it, then let you know, creating a scenario as if there were no options. It's something between passive aggression and direct control.
Has there ever been a moment where he acted towards you as if you were a child in front of his spouse? For example, something like "Our boy doesn't pay attention to this, he's always been like this." It could be an attempt not just to belittle you in his eyes, but also to diminish your partner in your eyes.
It may not seem like it's directly about you, but has someone ever made a comparison aimed at you? For example, when praising someone else, saying "Look how hardworking they are; I've never seen them sitting down." It could be a way of exerting pressure under the guise of a compliment.
Have you ever experienced a situation where someone seems to be offloading their problems onto you as an excuse? For example, they might say something like, "I can't manage my health, so you take care of it," and constantly expect something from you, but instead of making a clear request, they imply it. It could be a tactic of passive-aggressive complaint manipulation.
Have you ever had someone try to embarrass you in front of others, especially? Like when you’re telling a story, and they correct you with unnecessary details, putting you in an awkward situation. It doesn’t seem like bad intentions directly, but it creates a slight feeling of condescension in the atmosphere.
Have you ever been compared to someone else's order in your own home? For instance, it starts a competition by implying that your preferences are wrong with phrases like "I would do it this way." Sometimes the goal is more about showing superiority than having order.
Has your partner ever said things like "poor you, everything is on your shoulders," making you indirectly seem like a burden? They might appear compassionate from the outside but could be leaving behind a judgment that targets you.
Have you ever found yourself sitting in the middle of something, forced to weigh a thousand possibilities in your head? Like when they pause and say "hmm" at a critical moment in the conversation, and you tense up, wondering what they mean. Sometimes they don’t say anything directly, but that silence is enough.
Have you ever experienced your spouse constantly texting about something and intentionally leaving you out? Like reaching out directly to them about a topic that concerns you, completely sidelining you. As if they didn't want you to be part of the conversation.
Has your partner ever said something to you like, "Our son has lost a lot of weight lately, are you feeding him properly?" It sounds like concern, but they might actually be looking for a flaw in you. It's a tactic to stress you out while bringing them to their side.
Have you ever felt like he acted as if he particularly didn't support you when you and your partner had a disagreement? In such situations, he might seem neutral but quietly creates an impression that he is siding with your partner. It can enhance the feeling that you are alone.
Have you ever felt like she completely brushed you off when you were trying to tell her something or ask for her opinion? For example, when you're talking seriously, she just goes "uh-huh" and either changes the subject or starts fiddling with her phone. Could this be a situation of avoiding communication?
Have you ever been brushed off with an overly casual thank you when you brought or did something for their house? Like just saying "you shouldn’t have bothered" or "thanks" and not giving it any importance at all. Sometimes it feels like both belittling and making your effort seem worthless.
Have you ever had someone mention something you did in the past and say something like "I also struggled a lot back in the day," seeming to offer passive-aggressive support, while actually conveying the message "you're exaggerating"? Those words that start off sounding supportive but then subtly shift to a gentle jab.
Have you ever been described in front of others as "a little different girl" with a slightly mocking tone? It seems like a joke, but it might have an intention to create distance. It both highlights your "difference" and elevates the speaker's own status.
Has there ever been a moment when someone said something nice about you in front of them, and they replied with something like, "But he/she is a bit stubborn, it's not easy, you know"? It feels like they're putting you down while also asserting their own control.
Have you ever said to your partner "you can’t say no, but son, you need to be more careful in these kinds of things"—giving them a directive while also indirectly blaming you? It feels like your responsibility is being implied under such a statement.
Have you ever had a situation where your partner pretended not to pay much attention to your decision or opinion in front of you, but later indirectly acknowledged that your opinion was correct in a private conversation with someone else? It feels like giving validation behind the scenes instead of offering direct support.
Have there been times when, whenever you're together, they focus on talking to your spouse instead of you? I mean, it's like they completely turn to them while you're present, disregarding your existence. I think that kind of attitude often goes unnoticed.
Have you ever been compared to things others do? For example, an implication like "so-and-so's daughter-in-law does it this way, she's different" that makes you feel inadequate? It could be both a subtle criticism and an attempt to set a limit in their own way.
Have you ever experienced your partner being more distant and cold when they're not around, then suddenly being warmer and more attentive when they arrive? Approaching someone with two different faces is usually a sign of something deeper.
Have you ever had someone describe your action or decision to others and then try to soften the story with comments like, "But not in a bad way, of course" or "That's a completely different person, that's why they do that"? On one hand, they are shaping an image, and on the other hand, they act as if they haven't said anything bad.
Have you ever forgotten to inform someone about something and then later made an excuse like, "oh well, let them plan it a bit too"? It's like intentionally leaving someone out and then trying to place the responsibility on them.
Has anyone ever insisted that you not do something but then did the same thing themselves? For example, saying "Eating this is unhealthy, don't do it," and then eating it themselves. Not keeping their word just to show authority is also a way of exerting pressure.
Have you ever felt like someone was indirectly blaming you for something by comparing you to others instead of directly accusing you? For instance, did they ever say something like, "Well, that happened because of you, after all it was your decision," involving someone irrelevant to the situation? It's both indirect pressure and a shifting of responsibility.
Have others ever pretended to praise you in front of someone else while actually trying to belittle you? For example, a sentence like "Meltem is very practical but sometimes skips the details" starts positively but ends up being a jab. I think these kinds of things are sneakier; they are harder to notice.
Have you ever experienced a moment where instead of comforting you emotionally, someone diverted the topic to their own experiences, trying to draw attention to themselves? As if your feelings weren’t important, but their memories were more valuable. This is yet another passive-aggressive tactic.
Have you ever had someone who initially seemed to support a decision you made or something you did, but when things didn’t go as planned, they completely absolved themselves by saying, "I told you so"? It’s like they opened the road for you and then left you all alone.
Have you ever had your grandchild try to make it seem like you’re intentionally doing something wrong in front of them? For example, saying "But his/her mother wouldn’t allow that," trying to position you as a stricter person in the child’s mind. Kind of like undermining you while keeping a tight bond with the child.
Have you ever been put in a tough spot by staying silent about something? Like not telling your partner something they should know and leaving you in a position where it feels like you didn't say anything at all. They aren't doing anything directly, but in the end, it still blows up in your face.
Have you ever had someone say "You know best" and then, when things go wrong, they turn around and say, "I wasn't involved, you wanted this"? It's like not getting involved and then completely blaming you for the mistake afterward. It's such a sneaky tactic.
Have they ever criticized you directly without doing so, instead sending messages through third parties? Like saying, "The neighbor's daughter-in-law always makes the food herself, how sweet," sort of beating around the bush. Not speaking plainly is a frustrating tactic on its own.
Have you ever been kept away from events on purpose and then had someone say, "But you didn't know, did you?" This way, they both exclude you and try to make you look inadequate. I think it's more insidious.
Has there ever been a time when someone tried to convey a message to you not directly but through your spouse? Like instead of telling you something, they try to make an impact on you by asking your spouse. I think situations like this are really manipulative.
Have you ever had someone pretend to praise you in front of others but actually said things that belittled you? For example, "Oh, our bride is making a soup, I can't even describe it, but hey, at least she's trying." It's both a compliment and a jab at the same time.
Has your partner ever talked about you in your presence as if you weren't there? For example, saying something like "Love can be a bit impatient, you handle it" in a dismissive manner, not addressing you directly. That's a different approach.
Have you ever had someone act like they were correcting a mistake of yours but actually tried to teach you from scratch what you should have done? For example, when they say, "Honey, this thing is actually done like this," taking a condescending tone while making you feel inadequate. This is yet another form of passive aggressiveness.
Have you ever had someone act like they're taking your opinion but actually just did what they wanted? For example, they say "What do you think? Let's do it accordingly" and then completely implement their own decision. It seems like your opinion was taken, but in practice, it has zero effect. It's a very subtle maneuver.
Have you ever pretended to defend someone against others, but actually made the situation worse? For example, saying something like, "No, no, he doesn't really mean it that way, he might struggle a bit but he's well-intentioned," which seems like a defense but highlights their shortcomings. It's a more passive-aggressive thing.
Has anyone ever elevated you by making indirect criticisms of others? For example, saying "Our bride is very patient, some just throw a fit and leave" as if it's a compliment to you but actually trying to throw shade. It's both flattery and a jab.
Have you ever felt like someone brushed off what you said with "Oh, come on, you're making a big deal out of it, they didn't mean it that way"? It’s both dismissive and makes you look exaggerative in a mocking way. It’s really frustrating.
Have you ever had a family member criticize you by saying, "You wouldn't do it like this if it were you?" They belittle what you do while also promoting someone else by making a comparison. It's frustrating to have both happen at once.
Has there ever been a time when they ignored you on a matter related to the kids and directly instructed your partner instead? For example, saying "This child won't be like this, you talk to them," disregarding your parenting authority altogether. It's one of the most frustrating things.
Have you ever had someone pretend to praise you on any subject while actually implying a questioning of your true responsibilities? For example, saying "Bahar is very well-meaning, but sometimes she can be too well-meaning, which can put pressure on those around her." Both manipulative and insidious.
Have you ever had someone intervene like a "mediator" and manipulate you through them? For example, saying "I don’t want to say anything, but you should talk to them; I hope they understood you correctly" to both paint you in a bad light and avoid direct confrontation. It’s like a double-edged game.
Has anyone ever crossed your boundaries and directly interfered with your home, your order? For example, saying "These curtains are not right, I will find you a better one," and trying to change them without your consent. That's a direct invasion of your space, but it is packaged as help.
Have you ever felt that when someone asks you for something, they are actually criticizing you indirectly? For example, something like "Of course you can do that well, no one else could manage it." They get to save themselves while throwing shade at you. A double whammy.
Have you ever learned that while someone is smiling at you, they're saying negative things about you to others? For example, they might say, "Our bride doesn't pay attention like that, but the younger ones do," thus belittling you while acting differently in front of you. It's like a two-faced mask situation.
Have you ever had a situation where, during an argument with your partner, they clearly took a side and openly defended that they were right? Like instead of just watching, they intervened and made you feel completely alone. A very straightforward attitude.
Have you ever had someone act as if nothing is wrong while bothering you with passive-aggressive behavior? For instance, playing on their phone without looking at you while you're trying to say something, or ignoring you altogether. They don't say anything directly but seem to send a message.
Have you ever had someone pretend to care about your decisions while actually making you do what they want? Like saying, "Of course, you know best, but I think it would be better if we did it this way," to corner you. Then they act as if it was your idea. That's another tactic.
Has your partner ever made a jokingly derogatory comment about you just to look good in front of others? For example, something like, "Ah, that's our Bahar, she turns the kitchen into a war zone while cooking." It's both a joke and a cute criticism.
Have you ever felt someone trying to belittle you by praising their own preferences in front of others? For instance, they might say, "I do it this way, I don’t understand those who do it that way," implying you without mentioning your name. You can't really respond because they'll say, "I'm speaking generally."
Have you ever had someone who was supposedly being "helpful" while cooking or working at your place, but actually made you look incompetent? For example, they might say, "Let me hold this while you do that, look, you’re going to spill it," and assert their dominance in the situation. I didn't know what to say...
Has anyone ever made a moment when giving you something or sharing something nice with you feel dismissive by comparing it to someone else? For example, saying something like, "You might not like it, but our girl loved it." It's like they give while simultaneously belittling.
