Does my mother-in-law not love me at all?

It's impossible to please these women.

I've been through something similar, I swear. My mother-in-law didn't look at me until the wedding, then softened a bit when the grandchild situation came up. Sometimes you just have to be patient 🫢

Does your spouse know how you feel? I mean, have you ever told them?

@yazipsildim I asked, yes, she thinks that her own mother is "not like that." She acts as if I am exaggerating.

@aklimkaldi then the main issue is with the edge. If he doesn't realize it, he's either blind or doesn't want to see.

I think you should talk openly with your spouse. Instead of ignoring it, explain the bothersome sentences in detail so they can't deny it.

It seems very deliberate for them to make their criticisms on social platforms. It's fine to talk to your partner, but can you create a moment where you can set a boundary with your mother-in-law in a respectful way? Saying something like, "What you said makes me uncomfortable" might be effective. You can see their reaction and adjust your approach accordingly.

If they're trying to push you around in a social setting, I would say pop a small one back at them in the same space. But quietly, like saying something along the lines of "That's your opinion, but I'm happy this way" on a topic they criticize you about. Usually, when confronted directly, they tend to back off. Just wait and see their face.

Being married to someone who brushes things off by saying "You're exaggerating" is really exhausting. Leaving aside the mother-in-law part, how will it work if it constantly makes you feel alone in this regard? Have you ever tried talking about this? 🙄

Even if you tell her everything, it's normal for her not to understand, because after all, she's your mother; it's not easy to be impartial. But since she thinks it's "not like that," try being completely silent for a while, neither explaining nor opposing. Let's see if she notices with her own eyes. If there's still no response, then she really doesn't want to see.

I understand that he wants to protect his mother, but saying "you're overreacting" is quite a defensive move. Did you give any concrete examples while explaining? Which sentence, in what setting, and how did it make you feel at that moment, etc. If it doesn't clearly materialize in his mind, he might always say "my mom isn't like that."

Here's an important detail: why is your mother-in-law criticizing you so much? Is there a reaction aimed at you, or is she trying to assert her authority? If you take a step back and focus on the reason for her behavior, your approach will become clearer.

Are the things your mother-in-law criticizes you for usually things she believes are "right" and expects from you, or are they completely unrelated issues? If she is targeting you on a very specific matter, there may be a "discrepancy" that stands out to her. Maybe your indifference about that topic feels like a challenge to her. Think about it, what is she so fixated on?

Even if she has a personal reaction, do you know where it comes from? For example, could she be jealous of the relationship between you and your spouse? Sometimes, criticisms that seem like excuses stem from something else at the root; have you ever noticed that?

I don’t think it’s necessary for the incident to revolve around "jealousy of his partner" or "trying to establish authority." Maybe he doesn’t really love you; sometimes people can just be irritating for no reason. Have you ever considered this possibility? If that’s the case, putting in effort would be a waste of energy.

It's easy to just say "He might not like you" but in such situations, the "why" part tends to be more apparent. People don't just suddenly dislike someone for no reason. Perhaps an event, a comment, or something from the past that you didn't notice has triggered it. Do you think you've ever asked your spouse about this perspective? Could it give a different context regarding their mother?

Let's say you gave her concrete examples, but did she still have an "you're exaggerating" attitude? If that's the case, maybe she's also in a passive situation with her mother and can't confront it. This issue will strain the relationship between you and your spouse, understand her but don't stay silent 🙄

Is your mother-in-law dominant towards your spouse as well? If she's only like that towards you, then it could be entirely about you. But if she approaches everyone with similar attitudes, that indicates a general control habit. Have you tried talking to your spouse about this? Understanding her mother's overall attitude from your spouse's perspective could be helpful.

Does your mother-in-law criticize you in front of others, or is it in private? Is she distant or tense when talking to you face-to-face, or does she throw shade in a way that others can hear? Knowing her target audience is important because sometimes her real issue isn't you but the "listener" at that moment.

Is your mother-in-law drawing a clear boundary with you, or is the situation more fluctuating? I mean, does she sometimes act normally and at other times criticize? If there is consistency in her attitude, it indicates a more conscious distance. But if it changes from one way to another, then she is either unsure within herself or her relationship with you is influenced by external factors.

Have you ever observed how she treats other family members? For instance, if there are other daughters-in-law or sisters-in-law, is it the same with them? Maybe it's not just you; perhaps she has a general distance towards the "daughter-in-law" model. If it's the same for everyone, then it's not personal; it's her own perspective.

Maybe every behavior that makes it seem like your mother-in-law doesn't love you isn't actually personal to you. For example, she might be expressing an anger, disappointment, or something from her past that she can't suppress in her own life. Have you ever set a clear boundary with her? If you haven't done that, maybe your lack of response is allowing these behaviors to continue.

How long has the issue with your mother-in-law been going on? Was it like this before the marriage, or did it start later? If there was a close bond at first and it later fell apart, it might be necessary to dig into things from that time 🫢

I think the bigger issue is that your spouse doesn't notice this situation and intervene. I mean, there's tension between you and mother-in-law, but if your spouse isn't mediating, you're trying to solve the problem while feeling alone. Have you ever thought about having a face-to-face conversation with your mother-in-law, without your spouse in between? Maybe then the situation would become clearer.

Is the issue with your mother-in-law just that she doesn't love you, or does she "not see you as enough"? Sometimes the issue is more about expectations than love. She might be associating you with a different role in her mind.

Perhaps the issue isn't how your mother-in-law sees you personally, but rather her having to share her attachment to your spouse. It might appear to be a veiled competition. If the time, energy, and attention your spouse dedicates to you feels to her like a direct "diminishment," could that behavior be stemming from there?

Can you distinguish whether your mother-in-law is dealing with you or with your partner? Sometimes what seems to be directed at you might actually be a message to your spouse. For example, could she be trying to establish authority over her through you?

Maybe the situation isn't directly about you, but rather about your mother-in-law's inability to fill a void in her own life. In other words, finding something to criticize you about has become a pursuit for her. If she hasn't been able to establish her authority in her own circle, she might be trying to exert it through you at home. Have you ever reacted in a way that would make her aware of this directly?

"What was it like before marriage?" they asked, but here's another addition to the main question: Was your mother-in-law praising you back then, introducing you proudly in front of others, for instance? Because if someone who started off positively later changed their mind, either their expectations were not met, or your resistance to their authority might have unsettled them. If they were cold from the beginning, there's no need to take it personally.

Have you questioned how much your spouse influences your mother-in-law's behavior? Perhaps they are deliberately maintaining distance between you and his mother, or even nurturing it. Could it be that he has established a balance like, "I don't want to upset my mom; my spouse can handle the situation"?

Have you ever observed how your mother-in-law interacts with other daughters-in-law/sons-in-law in her family? Is this a unique situation for you, or is she generally distant with everyone? Perhaps this is her standard behavior pattern, and you can reconsider the personal aspect of it accordingly.

Have you ever thought that maybe your mother-in-law could have experienced something like this in her past relationships? For instance, her own mother-in-law, perhaps a similar situation with another family member... Maybe these behaviors are just a repetition of a model she has seen. She might be reflecting her own experiences onto you.

So how does your mother-in-law show that she doesn't like you? Did she say something directly to your face, or does she imply it more indirectly? Is this feeling completely your own interpretation, or is there a clear event that supports it? 🤦‍♀️

We're dealing with your mother-in-law, but is your spouse not involved at all? Do they see what’s being done to you, do they react, or are they quietly watching everything?

The reason for your mother-in-law's behavior may not be entirely related to whether she loves you or not. Sometimes, people are distant from the idea of a "bride" or "groom" and create a stereotype independent of the person. Does she have her own standards, like getting hung up on something she has in her mind, such as "if she does this, she's the ideal bride; if she doesn't, she's not good enough"? Has this ever come up in conversation?

How often do you visit the house? If you go too often, you might have become "too visible," which can sometimes backfire. Or conversely, you might have gone infrequently and let the gap grow 😬

So does your mother-in-law behave differently when she's with you compared to when she's with your spouse? You know, sometimes she's cold when it's just you, but a bit warmer when your partner is around, or the opposite. Have you ever noticed how people sometimes change their roles when others are present?

Have you ever tried to speak directly face-to-face with your mother-in-law? I mean, has there ever been an opportunity where things could become clear in a direct conversation instead of trying to get something out indirectly? Maybe she isn't even aware of some feelings you're experiencing and may not have questioned her own behavior.

Maybe she sees you as "a threat to the family"? Some mothers don’t want to share the special bond they have with their sons when someone comes along; it could be subconscious jealousy. Have you ever sensed something like this?

The mother-in-law may be observing how her husband behaves in certain situations and could be influenced by that. In other words, she shapes her opinion about you based on your husband's actions towards you. Do you think your partner's approach, respect, and love for you could be something the mother-in-law compares her views against?

It seems like they don't love you, but maybe it's not about you; they might be experiencing a broader fear of losing "control" within themselves. For example, do they give any directives about issues like food, children, or home organization? Where they are trying to intervene could indicate their main obsession.

I think the issue might not just be about "not liking"; sometimes they can be distant simply because you do things differently. For example, could your cooking, home organization, or outlook on life be conflicting with their habits? If you have a unique style, they may perceive it as a threat.

Does he talk a lot about his old memories and his own past systems when he's around you? If he frequently starts sentences with "back in our day," it may indicate that he's struggling to accept change rather than reflecting something about you. His distance from you could actually be a sign of his distance from the new order.

So how is your relationship with the other brides in your spouse's family or the family members? Is she distant with them too, or is it just with you? Maybe this is her general attitude, or perhaps there is a specific situation; you might be able to make some comparisons to understand.

Have you ever had a face-to-face limit? For example, has there ever been a direct criticism like “don’t do this” or “why is this like this?” or has it always been through vague implications? I’d say look at whether they show their attitude directly or indirectly.

Well, have you ever considered discussing this situation with your spouse regarding your mother-in-law? They know their mother best and may be able to explain a dynamic or habit that you might have overlooked. Or is your spouse also noticing the things you feel? That’s actually important.

Perhaps the situation is completely independent of "what you did." Some people automatically distance themselves when their son gets married because the definition of family has changed. Has he taken any positive steps so far, or has this distance always existed?

Have you ever felt a tension when sharing something about your own family in front of her? Sometimes, with mothers-in-law, there can be a hidden feeling of "my family is more important." Maybe even talking comfortably about your own past puts you in defense mode.

Have there been moments when your spouse's family has ignored your presence or opinions while being together? Sometimes a person may not directly do something negative, but they can make you feel the distance by ignoring your existence. Have you noticed anything like this? 😬

Maybe the issue is completely about "not being able to share her son." If she is distant towards you but doesn't spend as much time with her son as before, that might be the main problem. If you seem to be spending more time with your husband and leaving your mother-in-law out, this distance may increase. Have you ever tried spending one-on-one time with her?

Is there any direct indication of "prejudice" from him towards you? For instance, a cold comment, face, or attitude when you first met? In other words, is this situation related to you, or was there a distance established from the beginning? Understanding this is important. If it’s an unresolved knot from the start, then whatever you do now might be in vain.

Maybe the issue isn't about your one-on-one relationship, but rather about the feeling of losing control in general. For example, your home organization, the decisions you make with your partner, or even a small detail might feel like a threat to their authority. Have you observed this kind of behavior towards others as well?

Have you ever thought about it this way: Maybe it's not that they don't love you, but that they don't understand you? Sometimes people distance themselves or act wrongly because they can't figure the other person out. For example, have you tried finding a common interest, or an area where you can build sincerity? 🤷‍♀️

Maybe it's completely related to his own past? I mean, if he's experienced some trauma, disappointment, or resentment regarding his son before, it might automatically trigger that in his relationship with you. I would suggest looking into his childhood stories, maybe you'll find a clue.

Does your partner ever interfere in your relationship? Not directly, but with subtle reactions, implications, or by criticizing what you do in front of him? Because sometimes, the main issue isn't you but the feeling of losing control over his son. If the logic shifts to that, the solution will change accordingly.

Maybe it's not as clear-cut as loving or not loving, but could it be that you're going through a "process of acceptance"? Some people can't immediately digest including someone new into the family; it takes years for them to get used to it. If the person is closed off to change in character, this process might also be a bit exhausting for you.

Have you ever thought about how your partner behaves with you when they're around their mom? Like, in those subtle but noticeable ways of backing up what she says, taking her side. Maybe there's a clue there 😂

I think she is trying to notice the tension between you and your spouse's mother and trying to balance it out. It would be good to observe that. If she is completely ignoring it or remaining passive by saying "I shouldn't intervene," that complicates things. Can you directly ask your spouse how they see this situation?

Has the topic of "ex-bride" ever come up among you? If there was an unpleasant relationship related to their son in the past, they might unconsciously put you in the same mold. Or is there a very specific comparison, like with other relatives' spouses? Sometimes they can develop a general chill based on just one example.

Perhaps there is no such thing as love or understanding in this situation; it could completely be a display of power. He might see your existence as a "loss" against your son rather than you. Have you tried to figure out what he directly wants or expects?

Perhaps the issue in the relationship has nothing to do with what you do or don't do. Think about it: whether they love you or not, could it be more about their attempt to assert their authority or maintain their status rather than being directly related to you? That is, just a vibe of "I'm here, and my word matters in this family"? If so, the solution would be to focus on their intentions rather than their behaviors.

So let me ask you something: rather than trying to understand whether they love you or not, have you ever tried to react directly to the things they’ve done to you? For example, if they’re insinuating something, turning to them at that moment and saying something like, "How does what you just said make you feel?" Because sometimes, people like that aren’t even aware of how they’re behaving. Getting a reaction might make them think a bit.

Have you ever thought about how he behaves when he's alone with you? Could it be that he adopts a completely different attitude in an environment where your son is not present? In such a scenario, it might be something like "cold" to influence you, not him.

Has there ever been a time when someone came up to you and directly said something while you weren't with your partner? I mean, a direct criticism, request, or complaint. If they can't say something face-to-face and only react indirectly through your partner, maybe they don't have the courage to oppose you openly. In this case, taking a clear stance yourself would clarify things for them.

Have you ever thought about his attitude towards him in front of other family members? For example, questioning what he says, even creating a small disagreement... If you completely withdraw even when there are others around, he might think you're the "weak link" and press further.

I was wondering, does your partner know about the situation between you and their mother? Have you ever directly said something like, "I feel like they don't want me"? Sometimes just stating how you feel makes things clearer. Just express what you're feeling, without a blaming tone. Let's see what the reaction will be.

Have you ever observed his attitude towards someone else while being around him? Does he show the same harshness or distance to others, or is this behavior exclusive to you? Maybe it's a general character trait, and you don't take it personally.

Have you ever thought that maybe this isn't just a special case for you, that any bride would do the same? It could completely be a mechanism she's developed to suppress deficiencies or anxieties in her own life. Perhaps that's why you might be blowing it out of proportion instead of resolving it.

Have you ever paid attention to the dynamics within your own family? For example, how does your mother-in-law relate to her sisters, her friends, and her own mother-in-law? She might be repeating a role that comes from her past; it may not be something specific to you. However, once you understand this, you might see more clearly how to approach her.

Have you ever tried to catch a moment when he needs to talk? Sometimes people who seem distant or cold can't find the right person to share what they've been holding inside. Maybe they're not completely shutting you out, but they might also be struggling to make the right connection.

Have you ever thought to ask your partner, "How does he speak to me when you're around?" Because if he acts differently when he’s with you versus when it's just the two of you, there's a chance your partner is turning a blind eye to something. You'd be testing not just his behavior but also her awareness.

Have you ever thought about whether their attitude towards you has anything to do with their respect in their surroundings? For example, could they care about how what they say and do in front of you is perceived by other family members or relatives? Some people try to solidify their position by putting someone else "down."

How do you respond when communicating with your mother-in-law one-on-one? For example, do you remain silent in response to her insinuations or criticisms, or do you respond in some way? Sometimes too much silence can create a perception on the other side of "accepting everything," so it may be necessary to establish your boundaries.

Is your mother-in-law clearly doing something that shows this, or are you interpreting it that way? If there hasn't been a clear action, maybe you could be misreading her attitude. But if there's something obvious, why don't you just directly ask, "What's your problem with me?"

Whatever your mother-in-law does, you believe she loves you, right? Do you have any concrete expectations? Maybe your criteria don’t match; you’re not seeing what she does.

Let’s say it’s not a special situation for you, so why are you still so affected? What happens if you love them, and what happens if you don’t? Is your happiness dependent on their love?

Isn't your partner saying anything about this situation? You're the one struggling, where do they fit into this equation? If it's something related to their mother, shouldn't they be the one to resolve it first?

Has anyone ever tried to make you look bad behind your back? If you've noticed such things, it's best to confront them directly; it's better to see the truth than to be caught in the middle. Maybe they want to wear you down quietly 🫢

Could there be a special situation for you? For example, could it be due to jealousy or something like you're very different from the bride profile he has in mind? If you understand his expectations, maybe you'll figure out why he's acting this way 😳

Maybe the issue isn't whether he loves you or not, but rather that he doesn't truly understand you. Does he really know what kind of person you are, what you value, and the importance you place on your family? If he doesn't, he may have filled the void in his mind with his own prejudices 🙃

Maybe the issue is neither his understanding of you nor your understanding of him. In marriage, everyone has expectations, but when family comes into play, the balance can easily be upset. In this case, could it be that your mother-in-law's concern is not you, but the life her son has built with you? She might think that you've placed him in a position that feels less important than her.

The reason he's having a bad relationship with you might not be about you, it could be related to how he approaches your spouse's family. For example, he might be blaming you because he no longer receives the same attention he used to. How does your spouse treat his mother, what has changed, take a look.

Maybe you need to stop trying to measure your mother-in-law's love and start questioning the meaning you give to her. Why is it so important for you to get her approval? What would happen if you tried to create some distance?

Whether they love you or not, one thing remains unchanged: Your communication with your spouse. No matter what your mother-in-law does, the main point affected is there. If you don't turn to your spouse and ask "how is this situation affecting us," you're just preoccupied with side issues.

Maybe you need to ask your mother-in-law directly before your spouse. Ask her why she is showing this distant attitude, if she has any issues. If things get worse, at least you won't be left wondering in your mind with an "I wonder".

Maybe the issue isn't that he doesn't love you, but that he can't share his son with anyone. These kinds of people don't confront directly, but they draw boundaries with little actions. Do you think the bond he has with his mother's relationship with you might have been affected?

Perhaps the issue is entirely related to her past experiences. Could it be that she unconsciously carries over a struggle she faced during her own bridal period into her relationships with you? How was it with her own mother-in-law, have you ever talked about it?

Maybe they don't really like you at all, but do they have to like you? I mean, we don’t have to have a "warm" relationship with everyone; there’s no rule that says we have to like each other. I think as long as you keep fixating on whether they love you or not, they feel more at ease. What would happen if you focused less on this "love" issue and left some space for what they might do instead?

Now, there might be something like this: Could it be that your mother-in-law doesn't dislike you, but is rather intimidated by you? Some people feel more comfortable keeping their distance, thinking they might lose control when they get too close. It might be entirely a defense mechanism. Have you ever thought about it from this perspective?

So how does your spouse behave in these situations? Are you always the one looking for a solution to the tension you experience with your mother-in-law, or does your spouse somehow get involved as well? Because their stance can be very determining in the balance between you two.

Even if he has issues with you, is it normal for him to try to solve them by bothering you? If he doesn't accept the reality that you and your spouse have built a shared life, isn't that partly his problem? Why do we have to tolerate every move just because he's your mother-in-law?

I think you're reading too much into the situation. Maybe all they're doing is living their own life without paying too much attention to you. Is it necessary to look for a deep reason behind every distant attitude?

Something caught my attention, how significant is your role in their relationship with your spouse's mother? I mean, has your presence changed their dynamics at all? Perhaps the main issue isn't between you two, but rather in the breaking of that old arrangement.

Could it be that what you always thought was "they don't love me" is actually that they are constantly trying to control you? Because sometimes, such distant behaviors are merely an effort to observe you and measure your boundaries. Instead of obsessing over whether they truly love you or not, it seems like you could understand better by considering how much they want to control you.

Maybe the issue is neither love nor control. Your mother-in-law might just be defending her own territory. She doesn't see you as a direct threat, but could she think that as a new person, you're disturbing the balance? That's why her attitude is more mechanical and distant.

I think it goes back to the simplest question: Did they say something clear to you? Did they show an open attitude about not liking you, or feeling uncomfortable? Or is it always your interpretations? Because sometimes what we feel isn’t the other person's direct stance, but our own sensitivity.

Did she make it clear that she didn't care? you said, but not everyone puts everything into words. With a passive-aggressive tone and small gestures, one can convey a clear message as well. I think we shouldn't get caught up in whether she said it or not; don't overlook the behaviors.

But has he ever shown passive-aggressive behaviors towards you, for instance? I mean, does he do things that bother you secretly and then act like a completely different person towards his spouse? Because this duality is important. If your spouse also notices the same things, the issue can be discussed more clearly. If not, then either it really doesn't exist, or he is deliberately staying silent.

Is your spouse taking sides on these things, being neutral, or completely out of it? Because their stance also influences your mother-in-law's attitude. Maybe they're not aligned with you, and this could be creating an obstacle you're unaware of.

This made me think about how quickly first impressions can form. If there is a cold contact during the first meeting, it becomes easy to associate every subsequent move with that. If you didn't start off badly, perhaps you are experiencing more of a "getting used to process" rather than liking or disliking. So, how do you approach him? Are you being too cautious, or are you being too close?