Does my mother-in-law not love me at all?

Have you ever been compared to someone else? Like, "It looks so nice when Ayşe does it, you should try it too." It feels like there's a constant effort to measure you against another standard. It’s quite a subtle form of pressure.

Have you ever had someone act like they were including you in a decision when they had already made it themselves? For example, by saying "Gülsüm, you must think that way too," they present an idea as if they are getting your approval on your behalf. It’s like your opinion doesn’t matter at all, just a formality of inclusion.

Has your partner ever made a remark that embarrassed you or put you in a difficult position in front of others? For example, when something is being discussed at the table, they might say something like, "Yeah, you always do this," trying to assert dominance with subtle digs. It's a way of undermining your reputation in the social setting.

Has anyone ever tried to manipulate you by discussing something that went on between you and them as if it were that family member's idea? For example, saying "Your mom thinks that way too, you've misunderstood" to pressure you. It's like they want to avoid saying it themselves but are also trying to create a rift between you and the person they're getting to speak for them.

Has your partner ever presented comments they made about you to their spouse like a reward? For example, "Look, Sevgi did this today, thank goodness she manages it sometimes." Something that seems like praise to you but actually belittles you with a tone like that. It's a kind of double-edged game that affects both you and the relationship.

Have you ever been addressed in a way that positions you like an outsider, with a distant tone? For instance, phrases like "your side" or "our family" that seem to create a conscious division. This might seem like a minor detail, but it actually impacts perception quite a bit.

Have you ever experienced your partner acting positively towards you in front of others, only to completely change their attitude when you're alone? For instance, smiling and being warm in public, but then being cold and distant in private. It can feel like a double standard and may come off as insincere.

Have you ever experienced a situation where someone intervened directly without getting your opinion on a matter related to children? For example, things like what they will eat or when they will go to sleep, saying "I did it this way" to bypass your authority. It could be a classic case of sending a message to the mother through the child.

Have you ever stayed silent in front of your spouse while they complained about you to others? For instance, at a family gathering, not saying anything and then creating a narrative to others that puts you in a bad light, like saying, "actually, they always act like this, I've gotten used to it." It looks like silent support, but actually undermines you from behind.

Have you ever had someone say, "you can't do it, I've got it taken care of"? For instance, they finish something while you’re not even aware and then make you look incompetent. You have no idea about it, and they expect gratitude.

Have you ever had someone make it seem like they were bragging while indirectly casting a shadow over you? For example, saying something like "I managed everything myself with three kids back in the day, I didn’t need anyone's help." They might be elevating themselves while belittling your efforts.

Have they ever generalized with something like "what we are, you are too; everyone in the family is the same"? But this kind of statement seems to include you, while actually making you feel like they are trying to fit you into their own molds. They see you not as an individual, but merely as an extension of themselves.

Have you ever had someone try to undermine you indirectly when you expressed your opinion on something? For example, saying something like, "That's not how it's done, look how I solved it back then." It may seem like a debate of ideas, but it could actually be disregarding your authority.

Have you noticed that someone behaves as if they're creating debt by constantly saying "I got this for you, I did this for you" even though you never asked for anything? They might appear to be giving gifts, but they may actually be using it to establish dominance. This kind of manipulation can be recognized, but it's hard to express.

Has anyone ever implied something about you by referring to an example from the past instead of criticizing you directly? For instance, saying "We used to do it like this back then, and it worked really well" as an indirect way of expressing disapproval of what you've done. It can be bothersome as it appears they are not accusing you but still makes you uncomfortable.

Has anyone ever depicted you as "thoughtless" or "overly sensitive"—maybe your spouse or others? For example, after an incident, saying things like "He/She touches everything, already too emotional," and portraying you as both exaggerated and uncontrollable. Could it be that they are trying to exclude you with such a defense?

Has anyone ever done something that sabotaged your decisions? For example, you're making a plan, and they say, "I was thinking, a better option is this," imposing what they want instead. Constantly having to change your mind can be confusing and exhausting.

Have you ever had someone offer you help in a passive-aggressive way? Like "Oh, whatever you want, you're telling me not to get involved anyway." It's as if they act like they're leaving everything up to you but are actually reflecting hurt or blame underneath.

Have you ever been compared to others in a roundabout way? Like someone saying, "Look at how capable so-and-so's daughter-in-law is, she manages to be everywhere." They're not directly telling you, but it's actually a pretty clear message. Also, such comparisons can affect the dynamic between you and your partner; have you noticed that?

Have you ever shared a very special mistake or secret with someone else? For example, with your spouse, child, or a mutual acquaintance. Not in a way that directly belittles you, but in a sense of "sharing your troubles" as an excuse to expose your private matters. It both undermines trust and leaves you vulnerable.

Has your partner ever shared something about you in a funny story that actually humiliated you? For example, saying "Oh, that day they did something, we laughed so hard" while turning an embarrassing detail into entertainment. It doesn’t directly seem malicious, but it could undermine your position.

Have others ever silenced you in front of them without really knowing you? For example, while you’re saying something, they complete your sentences by saying, "No, no, it’s not like that, it’s like this," making you seem like you were misunderstood. It could be a way of ignoring you while pretending to be in control.

Has anyone ever implicitly criticized you by saying something like "You know best, but this is how a child should be raised"? If she's questioning your motherhood, it could be a message about how both you and your husband see your role.

Have you ever shared your opinion only to have it completely dismissed? For example, they ask for your view on something and then say, "Hmm... but I'm going to do it this way anyway,” going ahead with their own decision. They may seem thoughtful, but they’re actually not taking you seriously.

Has anyone ever surprised you with a "surprise" without your knowledge? I mean, seemingly with good intentions, but actually disregarding your opinion or priorities. For example, moving houses, reorganizing something, etc. If they are doing this, they are likely establishing a subtle dominance that excludes you.

Has your spouse ever openly sided with them in front of you? For example, when you are adamant about something, they say, "But my mom is right too," leaving you on your own. Your spouse's attitude can be just as important as your mother-in-law's approach in this situation.

Have you ever been guided at home in a way that makes you feel like you're not capable of doing something? For example, saying "Oh honey, don’t make that dish, we’ll make it with my recipe" or "You don’t worry about it, I’ll handle it." It can seem well-intentioned, but it might also be a subtle way of making you feel inadequate.

Have you ever had a situation where someone was condescending by pretending to praise you indirectly, whether it was your partner or others? For example, saying something like, "Our daughter is very organized, but of course, things are a bit slow in our house." It sounds like a compliment, but it's actually a criticism.

Have you ever been compared to your spouse? Like, when they talk about the past saying, "My son used to be so organized and would do things around the house like this," implying you in the process. It could be a tactic of elevating their son while questioning you.

Has he ever responded when you thanked him for something with, "What can I do? I'm putting up with it for my son"? In other words, he implies that the things he does are not for you but purely out of love for his son. He completely sidelines you, but he does it not directly, but passively.

Have you ever been accused of something only for the other person to try to portray themselves as completely innocent? For example, "I didn't mean for it to be that way, but Bahar misunderstood me," or something like that. They not only make you look wrong but also try to completely escape the issues between you. A classic passive-aggressive move.

Have you ever had someone seem to openly support you on a subject, but then behind the scenes, they just do their own thing? For example, in an organization, they might say, "Buse planned it really well," but then impose their own structure without allowing you to share your thoughts. It neither makes your efforts visible nor does it empower you.

Have you ever had someone put their own plans ahead of yours on a special day, like your birthday or an anniversary? For example, completely disregarding your preparations by saying, "I've taken care of it, we're at this restaurant." These kinds of things are not "thoughtfulness."

Have you ever experienced someone conveying your ideas as if they were their own instead of communicating them directly to their partner? For example, instead of saying, "Asia thinks this way, I think it's reasonable," they say, "I also think it is more correct for it to be this way," completely erasing your point of view. Generally, it's done in silence, but it's an effective method.

Has there ever been a time when he used your son as an excuse to change your mind about something? For example, when you're certain about an issue, he might say things like, "But our son would be so upset" or "Poor thing, he's not used to this," casting doubt on your decision. In such situations, he can manipulate both you and your spouse.

Have you ever had someone criticize something you did, only to praise a similar thing they did themselves? For instance, saying "You make the soup this way, but I always do it this way, and it's really well-received." They belittle your effort while elevating themselves. It's a sneaky way to put others down.

Have you ever noticed that when you say something personal about your spouse in their presence, it ends up getting relayed to others? For example, a small argument or a habit of your spouse, and then it comes back to you from someone else? Sometimes, these types of people cross boundaries without even realizing it.

Have you ever had someone say "I see you as a daughter" and then constantly keep you one step behind their actual daughter? In every situation, you're the one being compared and valued less, but they never say it outright. It's a meaning that comes out of silence.

Have any of you ever had someone bring up a problem between you in front of others, making you feel embarrassed? For example, at a family dinner, saying, "Our daughter-in-law can be a bit moody, can't she?" presenting it as a joke but actually conveying a serious message. These passive-aggressive things can be really exhausting.

Have you ever heard something you told someone specifically being repeated to you by someone else? Like learning about a private conversation you had with someone much later from another person's mouth. It undermines trust and makes you feel distant.

Has your partner ever said something that makes you look bad in front of them? For example, "Our bride can be a bit hasty, she doesn't get those things." It sends a message to your partner while belittling you. You'll realize the damage years later.

Have you ever had your partner say, "You've changed, you've turned into someone else since we got married," trying to shift the blame onto you? It affects both him and makes you feel guilty, a classic passive-aggressive move. It's harder to resolve.

Has there ever been a time when one of you has said, "I'm staying silent, let my son decide," while actually trying to draw their spouse to their side? Some people pretend to remain neutral but subtly guide things behind the scenes. They play passively, but in the end, what suits them happens.

Have you ever had someone bring up something they gave you or a gesture they did, making you feel indebted? For example, reminding you with "Remember I got this that day?" or "I have this much effort in this house." It's a constant attempt to establish superiority in the balance.

Have you ever had someone say something like, "We hired you thinking you were knowledgeable and well-read, but you don’t do that" and put you to the test with your own abilities? They may seem to appreciate your education and career, yet they are actually trying to make you feel inadequate continuously. This is a subtle challenge.

Have you ever felt completely foreign with phrases like "You wouldn't understand because you're from outside" during arguments at home? Even years later, some people continue to use that "outside" label; that’s where the real distance is created.

Have you ever had someone impose their own rules and interfere with the home order while staying with you? Like belittling your habits by saying, "This is how we do things." You feel like a guest while being the host.

Have you ever had someone criticize something about you in front of everyone while being a guest? For example, saying something like "Asya bride doesn't really like to add salt, the dishes are always lacking" to target you at the table. They could leave you defenseless by saying it in a crowd.

Has there ever been a special moment for you, like your birthday or an anniversary, when someone tried to intentionally leave you in the background? For example, telling their own stories in front of everyone while leaving you in the background. Sometimes, situations like this become a way to silently show their power.

Have you ever had your partner try to involve someone else in your relationship without your permission? For example, by saying, "We used to do it this way, and my son would love this," positioning him against

Have you ever felt like you were being excluded so quietly? Like when someone chooses to sit with someone else instead of you during a meeting, or continues the conversation with someone else without including you when a topic comes up. It’s not direct conflict, but it makes you feel the distance.

Does he ever say things like "He wouldn't have done this when you got married, my son changed you”? I mean, instead of accepting you as you are, he passive-aggressively blames the responsibility of everything on your past self and your spouse. This is just another way of leaving you feeling alone and always on the wrong side.

Have you ever been compared to your own family in a casual way? For example, something like, "We wouldn't do things like that at our house; we don't have habits like yours." They try to establish a superiority by belittling both you and your family, so be wary of that.

Have you ever had someone say to your children, "We don't do things like that here, you're giving your mom too much attention" in an effort to undermine you in their eyes? This targets not only you but also the bond between you.

Has your partner ever thrown shade at you by saying they can't "manage" you? For example, something like, "You may say that now, but you'll listen to them; the decision will ultimately come from them." This is a tactic used to undermine both you and your partner at the same time.

Have you ever felt like your partner creates an atmosphere that implies you're not a part of their childhood memories? It’s like they keep glorifying the past with phrases like, "Look how fun we used to have, how great it was," subtly leaving you out. Sometimes you find yourself weighed down by the past, whether it’s done knowingly or unknowingly.

Have you ever had a moment where your spouse tried to undermine your opinion or decision? For instance, interventions like "But that's not how it is, I know better" when you said something. Subtle moves aimed at shaking your authority, not directly, but indirectly.

Have you ever had someone downplay your achievements while highlighting your partner's? For example, when your job is mentioned, they immediately shift the topic to your partner and emphasize something they did. Sometimes they might aim for your most dazzling trait to overshadow you.

Have you ever noticed that someone tried to use you as a witness just to validate their own decisions? Like when they say things to their partner such as, "Look, they think that way too, right?" trying to force you to take a side. Things like that can strangely mess up relationships between people.

Have you ever been left in the middle of someone else's grievances or issues, indirectly expected to take sides? For example, they might have a fight with another relative, and even if you don't want to, they expect you to act as a mediator or spokesperson without showing it. Such a situation can also put you in awkward positions with your spouse and your surroundings.

Have you ever had someone act in a way that overshadowed your special day? For example, trying to draw attention to their own issues on your birthday. Sometimes, instead of direct confrontation, an effect is created by manipulating moments.

Have you ever had your partner learn about a plan you were going to spend time alone together and then come up with an alternative program? Like getting involved between you in an indirect way with excuses like "But this was already obvious." Sometimes, these scheduling conflicts aren't just coincidences.

Have you ever noticed that when you make a positive comment about your spouse, they immediately jump in with something like, "But they've always been like that; I've known it since they were a kid"? It’s as if they’re trying to make you feel superficial about your understanding of that person's character, as if only they truly get them. These kinds of things may seem small, but their impact can be really frustrating.

Have you ever noticed them exaggerating their communication with the kids right in front of you? For example, portraying themselves as overly fond of the grandkids, almost overshadowing your role as a mother. Sometimes they try to assert superiority through the kids, without making it obvious.

Has your partner ever brought up their exes or past relationships? For example, if they make comparisons like "It was like this with so-and-so, look how things have changed with you," this would also be considered a type of boundary violation. It can be quite disturbing, think about it.

Has it ever happened to you that someone picked apart boring details of your private life and later brought them up in front of others as a "harmless joke"? Such things can be both condescending and crossing a line, as they are often done under the pretense of making someone laugh. Do you think such a move could be accidental?

Have you ever experienced someone not criticizing you directly about something related to your spouse, but instead giving indirect messages through others? For example, saying "Our neighbor's daughter-in-law is very careful about such things, God bless her." Sometimes you can't fully grasp their intention, but it still bothers you.

Have you ever had someone try to push their preferences on you by saying things like, "In our time, it was this way or that way"? As if the only right way to do things was during their era, making everything you do seem unnecessary or wrong. This can be another form of passive aggression.

Has anyone ever talked to you in a tone that seems like they're just joking but is actually quite prickly? You know, it starts off feeling light-hearted but it really gets under your skin. Sometimes it's not direct, but they annoy you little by little.

Has anyone ever made small but annoying comments that seem to interfere with your home organization? For instance, saying things like "I wouldn’t do it that way" or "Back in our day, this would have been more acceptable" might belittle both you and your style. These kinds of things can sometimes feel very insidious; they don't lead to an open discussion, but they can still be exhausting.

Has it ever happened that your partner, instead of directly complimenting you, twisted even a positive comment about them that came from you into something like, "Well, of course, our genetics are strong"? I mean, it's as if they take ownership of all the goodness and disregard your contribution. I think it's a sneaky way of undermining confidence.

Have you ever had someone compliment your food or the work you do while comparing it to someone else's, saying something like, "But so-and-so's dessert is really special, kudos to them, yours is nice too, but of course, that's on another level"? Such passive-aggressive comments that are ambiguous about whether they are praise or criticism usually reveal their true intentions.

Has your partner ever behaved in a way that belittles you and then brushed it off by saying, "I'm just joking, babe, why are you making a big deal out of it?"? Some people try to bring you down without showing their cards. Can you think of an example when you reflect on it?

Have you ever had your partner talk to you as if they were complaining about their spouse? Like saying, "Tell them this," or "They wouldn't treat us like this, so they must trust you." Sometimes this is a way to pull you into a common front with them and then somehow make you feel guilty.

Have there been times when instead of accepting you as you are, people have made suggestions with the intention of constantly changing you? For example, something like "You would actually do better if you did it this way." At first, it seems like they are trying to help, but in the long run, it leaves you feeling like you are never enough.

Have you ever been compared to someone from outside and that person was used as an example? For instance, something like "That bride is so beautiful, she does everything perfectly, how lucky her family is." If someone said something like that, I think they deserve to be questioned openly.

Have you ever felt ignored during special occasions or in family settings, where more attention was given to other brides, children, or others, putting you in an extra effort? Being subtly indifferent can also be a way of exclusion.

Have you ever had someone pretend to listen to you on a certain matter, only to act completely oppositely? For example, you say, "I prefer to do it this way," and they respond, "Of course, you're right," but then you notice they've done exactly what they said they wouldn't. It's a covert attempt to invalidate your point.

Has there ever been a situation where your partner completely ignored you when they should have thanked you, and directly thanked your son instead? For example, you are preparing a meal, and they turn to you and say something like, "Honey, you take such good care of your mom." I think situations like this really show their intentions.

Have you ever tried talking directly about the issue between you? Sometimes, it's important to be clear in order to break through the mask they put on. Maybe they don't even realize how you feel about them.

So, does your spouse notice these situations? Has there been a time when they clearly saw their mother's behavior towards you and said something about it? Or are they completely in the mode of "My mother doesn't have bad intentions"?

Have you ever noticed that they're manipulating you through the children? For example, implying "You never show me my grandchildren" to put pressure on you. I think if they're trying to set boundaries with things like that, they're being quite direct.

Have you ever had a decision made between you and your partner, and then they intervened and overturned that decision? For example, you’re planning a vacation, and suddenly they say, "But I would be alone on those dates," trying to cancel the plan. These types of moves can show not only that they are undermining the relationship but also that they do not see you as separate individuals.

Has your partner ever taken credit for a special gift, gesture, or completely your effort, acting as if it was their own? That is, has there been a moment when you did something, but they spoke about it as if they had done it, overshadowing you? This can be a way of trying to erase you, even if unknowingly.

Have you ever had a moment when someone pretended to praise you in front of others but actually embarrassed you? For example, a comment like "Well, my son is managing his wife well, praise be!" These kinds of "compliments" can actually convey other meanings beneath the surface.

Have you ever had someone start with "If I were you" and then try to indirectly tell you how you should behave? For example, saying something like, "When I was your age, I never treated my husband like that." These kinds of sentences contain both criticism and pressure.

Have there ever been times when someone questioned your decisions or preferences unnecessarily, trying to prove they were right? Like the effort to interfere in everything from your child's clothing choices to the organization of your home with a "But why are you doing it this way?" This always creates an air of "I know better."

Have you ever asked something of someone and then when they did it, they said, "I actually didn't mean it that way," making you feel somehow guilty? Because this kind of game not only confuses you but also tries to control you with a constant sense of guilt.

Has it ever made you look unaware when hosting a special guest? For example, creating a situation where you invite someone but it seems like you didn’t organize it and you’ve neglected them. This might also be a way to make you look bad.

Have you ever been put in a small situation in front of your children? For example, a comment like "Your mother never understands things like this, I'll teach you." This would be a direct move to undermine your authority.

Has there ever been a time when he directly told your partner about the problems between you and tried to win them over to his side? For example, after arguing with you, he goes and complains, "Dude, this girl said this and did that to me." He tries to create a rift between you while also gathering allies.

Have you ever been made to seem like you said something you didn't? For example, someone brings up, "The bride said this to me, I was really surprised," and then you've been caught up in clarifying whether you said it or not. It's just an attempt to create a crisis over something that doesn't exist between you.

Has he ever talked to you indirectly by implying things to your spouse instead? For example, saying something like "Ah son, we used to get along so well" filled with nostalgia but actually targeting you. Such conversations are more dangerous because they send indirect messages rather than direct ones.

Has someone ever tried to create a situation that was unnoticed but excluded you? For example, at a family event, engaging with everyone while making you feel like you don’t belong there, or deliberately ignoring you. It's a passive attitude, but it can have a big impact.

Has anyone ever made a snide remark about you in front of everyone and then pulled back saying, "But I'm just joking, darling"? These kinds of passive-aggressive jokes may seem like they go unheard, but they actually carry a message behind them.

Has anyone ever given you a gift but then added a strange condition like, "But keep this just for me"? It seems like they're doing something for you, but in reality, they're putting you in a position of obligation in some way. Sometimes, even a gift can be a method of control.

Does it ever act like it cares about your opinions and asks you, only to suddenly portray you as guilty? For example, something like "I told the lady, but she's too busy to care." In reality, it may never have asked at all, but it creates that impression. This is also a form of manipulation.

Has he ever tried to shift something he didn't do onto you? For example, saying "I told my daughter-in-law; she was going to handle it," making it seem like the shortcoming was your responsibility. It puts you in a bad position and makes him look innocent.

Has anyone ever tried to label you as "too emotional" or "overthinking" when talking about you to your partner or those around? Such descriptions make it harder for a person to be taken seriously and are a very insidious form of undermining.

Has your spouse ever praised you in front of others and then criticized the same thing when you were alone together? I mean, creating confusion by appearing to support you in public but acting contrary in private. This is a more complex form of undermining trust.