Does my mother-in-law not love me at all?

Does someone constantly bring up a past decision or action of yours, saying things like, "But you did this before"? Someone who keeps you on the defensive by referencing something from the past is not seeking a solution but rather looking for a confrontation. This can wear you down significantly.

Has anyone ever presented something to you with praise and then rescinded that praise? For example, saying "You've made such a beautiful meal" and then adding something like "But it was unsalted" after finding a flaw or missing element. These kinds of things can be confusing and make it difficult for you to feel satisfied with your work.

Have you ever been claimed to be misunderstood by others on a point, and then they withdrew by saying, "But I interpreted your opinion this way"? It's something like leaving you defenseless under the guise of misunderstanding. I think the real issue there is perception or intention.

Has she ever pretended to defend you in front of others while actually taking a condescending attitude towards you? For example, saying something like "Our bride is very well-intentioned but a bit naive, she believes everything." She might be belittling you while pretending it's a compliment.

Have you ever had someone not help you when you were sick or tired, and then brush it off with "But you didn't say anything"? It's as if they're implying you should openly express every need you have. This could be an attempt to portray their lack of empathy as an issue with your communication.

Have you ever had someone act like they're taking your opinions into account, but then completely disregarded you by doing what they wanted? You know, asking just as a formality, with the decision already made? I think that's another way of belittling someone.

Have others ever implied that they are jealous of you and tried to sow discord in your relationships with them? For example, saying things like "So-and-so can't stand you, I think you should be careful." Things like this both isolate you and allow them to take control.

Have you ever experienced your partner talking in a way that seems like they’re giving you advice, but actually they're criticizing you? For example, when they say, "You should learn to take a break; you’re working too hard and wearing yourself out," and the underlying message is really, "You’re not doing it well enough." This is also a line of indirect criticism.

Have you ever been interrupted constantly while speaking? If they act as though what you're saying is unimportant and divert attention elsewhere, this could also be a form of conscious devaluation, aimed at establishing dominance in communication from the outset.

Has anyone ever tried to make you feel guilty by sharing their own secrets or troubles? For example, saying something like "Look at what I’ve done to you; this is what you did to me." This could also be the emotional aspect of manipulation.

Has anyone ever shared your private life as if it were suitable gossip material for others? For example, to a neighbor or a relative, saying, "They are going to do this, they've made that decision." They disregard your privacy and make you an open target to the outside world, without realizing it.

Has your spouse ever said things that would leave a negative but indirect impression about you? You know, not directly but something like, "You're better at this, they don't really care." Things like this can create distance between you and your spouse.

Has anyone ever talked about something you did as if it were their own idea, gaining praise from it? For instance, if they take your opinion on a decision regarding children and then say to others, "I thought this way." This not only makes your effort invisible but also pushes you into the background.

Have any of your family or partner ever belittled you jokingly? You know, a joke that everyone laughs at but feels strange and slightly mocking to you. I think this could also be a passive-aggressive method.

Have there been times when someone constantly questioned or found faults in the decisions you've made? They might subtly undermine your judgment by constantly creating doubt, with questions like, "Are you sure this is the right way to do it?" This can even lead you to hesitate in expressing yourself over time.

Have you ever had someone try to guide you toward a decision they want by putting others forward? For example, if they pressure you by saying, "Everyone actually does it this way, and it's always been like this for us," this is also a form of manipulation.

Have you ever been embarrassed in front of children? For example, implying that something is missing or wrong to make you look bad. When children witness this, they may aim to create an even stronger impact.

Has your spouse ever made negative or dubious suggestions about you regarding their family or relatives? For example, something like "Asia is struggling a bit with this, hasn't really adjusted yet," meaning they aren't saying anything explicitly but still creating a judgement about you in people's minds. These kinds of actions can be done especially to create a collective perception.

Have you ever been accused of "misunderstanding" something? I mean, not directly, but it makes you feel like there's something wrong with your perception. This way, they legitimize their own behavior while also making you look unjust.

Have you ever had someone act like they were doing you a favor, but it actually put you in a bad situation? For example, handling a task for you and then saying something like, "Bahar couldn't think of this at first, so I took care of it," throwing it in your face. I think this is a subtle way of belittling someone.

Has your partner ever made you feel uncomfortable about a choice regarding you? For example, if they act like they're torn and say something like, "I don’t want to upset my mom, but..." putting the responsibility on you, I think that’s a kind of indirect pressure. They may have pushed you into a difficult position when it's really something they should be resolving.

Have you ever had someone praise you for something, only to immediately follow it up with a comment that diminishes that praise? For example, "She cooks well, but she definitely tends to take it a bit slow." It seems like they’ve said something nice, yet it completely undermines you. These kinds of mixed messages are also a sign of a lack of love.

Have you ever had someone bring up old memories that bothered you? For instance, they might keep bringing up a mistake you made in the past or something you did unintentionally, trying to hold you back at that point. To me, this feels more like an attempt to assert superiority rather than coming from a place of dislike.

Have you ever had someone praise you excessively in front of others, creating an unnecessary expectation? For example, saying, "Glass makes everything perfect; there is never a mistake with it." Then, if you don’t meet that level, they end up justifying their criticism with their disappointment.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable when someone wants to know if you like something they've done, but they don't directly ask? For example, saying something like, "I did it this way; what do you think, though you know better than I do," where they're seemingly seeking your opinion but also putting you in an awkward position. This can be a passive-aggressive approach.

Has your partner ever tried to make you feel insignificant? For example, with phrases like "They won't understand, let me explain." This not only belittles you but also creates a barrier between you and your partner. Be careful, sometimes they do this subtly, not directly.

Have you ever had someone not say something directly to you, but instead convey a message through others? For instance, they want to criticize your behavior but instead of saying it directly, they tell a relative, "I think people who do that are making a mistake," and ensure that you hear it. They also use this kind of indirect manipulation when they don’t like being straightforward.

Have you ever found yourself in an environment that makes you question your decisions? For instance, in the presence of others, they might constantly prompt you to prove something with small yet pointed questions like, "Is this how you’re going to do it, are you sure?" Sometimes, they do this more out of a desire to impose control rather than a lack of love.

Have you ever been criticized through children? For example, comments like "Her mother always does this" can both devalue you and affect their perception. Such things can cause deeper harm, seeping into relationships unnoticed.

Have they ever sidelined you on special occasions and prioritized their own events? For example, on your birthday or an anniversary, behaving as if they are entirely focused on their own schedule and ignoring you. These kinds of things might be less about a lack of love and more about a habit of putting you in the background.

Have you ever been compared to others constantly? But not directly, more like hints such as "In our time, it was like this" or "So-and-so is very talented." Since it’s not stated directly, it’s also hard to respond, it's a passive form of pressure.

Have you ever had someone take credit for something you did, as if it were their own idea, and then talk about it to others? For instance, you might have made a suggestion, and then they discuss the same thing within the family as if they came up with it themselves. This is also a kind of way to overshadow you.

Has your spouse ever undermined you? But not openly, in small ways, like seeming to care by saying something like "The bride is getting really tired, it's a shame, but she could take on a bit less of the housework." This can create a perception that criticizes you while appearing caring. In this way, your spouse may end up taking sides without even realizing it.

Have they ever spoken in a way that belittles your efforts? For example, downplaying a dish you made by saying, "I was actually going to make that today, but I ran out of time," or trivializing your success with a comment like, "What a coincidence, it just happened by chance." These kinds of things are sometimes done not out of a lack of love, but as a reflex to devalue you.

Have you ever had someone do something for you and then try to make you feel indebted, by presenting it as a favor? For example, they might help you out but then continually remind you with comments like "If it weren't for me..." or "If I hadn't solved this..." This is not a sign of love; it's a method of control.

Has anyone ever completely disregarded your achievements or something positive you've done instead of downplaying it? For example, acting as if it never happened, not mentioning it to anyone, or completely ignoring it. It's a silent obliteration technique because these things hurt a lot.

Have you ever been forced to follow someone else's rules while they mixed it with love? For example, trying to put you in a mold by saying, "In our family, we don't do this; we do it this way." It feels more like a desire to control than to love.

Have you ever had someone project their mistakes onto you? For example, when something doesn't go as they wanted, they say, "This happened because of you" or instead of a direct accusation, they might say something like, "If you had done this differently, it wouldn't have happened." It's not a lack of love but could be a kind of scapegoating.

Have you ever had someone clearly offer you help and then back out right in the middle of it? Like when they say, "I don't want to interfere with your work" and shift the job back onto you. If they're expecting gratitude and simultaneously avoiding responsibility, it doesn't seem very well-intentioned.

Have you ever found yourself in a difficult situation because someone shared your personal matters with others? For example, bringing up a disagreement with your spouse within the family and saying, "This concerns us too," could escalate the issue. This can be both a boundary violation and a way to leave you feeling defenseless.

Have there been times when someone has increased the pressure on you without directly interfering with your decisions? For example, you're making a plan, but they keep saying "You know best, you decide" as if they're leaving all the responsibility to you, while actually setting the stage to justify their own position. It's a sneaky method of control.

Have you ever been compared to others? Not in a way like, "Look at what this person is doing, look at what people are achieving," but more subtly. For example, saying, "Ahmet's wife makes such beautiful desserts!" or "Our neighbor's daughter is really resourceful with everything at home," as a way to make you feel inadequate. It may be more about a struggle to impose their own standards than a lack of love.

Have you ever had someone belittle something you enjoy? Like when they say something about a hobby or a favorite item, like "Are you still messing with that?" Just because they don't like it, they look down on you and your enthusiasm as well.

Have you ever been ignored while someone indirectly sent messages through others? For example, saying to your spouse or someone else, "This is how things are always done in our family," leaving you out. They aren't saying anything directly, but it seems like they want to reach you too.

Have you ever had someone downplay something you've achieved, acting as if it didn't matter? For example, when you finish a task and share it, they say, "But that was just something that needed to be done," which not only belittles your effort but also makes you feel inadequate. Does this reflect love, or does it suggest excessive criticism?

Have you ever had someone start a conscious "cold war" with you when you didn't do something they wanted? I mean, without directly saying it to your face, but trying to punish you with their attitude. They might have wanted something, you didn't do it, and afterward, they tried to make you feel guilty with their silent treatment. It feels a bit like a passive-aggressive power struggle.

Have you ever had someone pretend to compliment you on something only to turn it around and prove their own opinion is right? For example, "Your cooking is great, but it would be even better if it were done the way we do it." It's a game that starts with praise and then guides you toward what they want.

Have you ever had someone try to show you as "one of the family" and force you into their mold? Like when they say, "This is how we do things, and now you're one of us," trying to make you conform. It feels more like control than love.

Have you ever noticed that when you tell a story, some people immediately turn the topic into their own story? Before you finish a sentence, they say things like, "We used to do this back in the day" or "When I was young, I experienced this." It's less about listening to you and more about centering their own narrative.

Have you ever had your partner lightly criticize you in front of others and then say, "Just kidding, don’t take it personally"? It can feel like a way of losing points in both your eyes and your partner's. There might be serious discontent hidden beneath the joke.

Have you ever had someone act specially toward their partner while leaving you out? Like talking only about something they love, and behaving as if they’re looking at you from outside a world you’re not part of, while also putting distance between themselves and keeping their partner on their side.

Have you ever been subjected to emotional manipulation where someone says, "When you do that, it makes us sad"? Instead of directly targeting you, they make you feel guilty based on the consequences of your actions. Sometimes it’s not about attacking, but rather playing the victim that is the real weapon.

Has it ever happened to you that someone asks for your direct opinion on something and then immediately undermines your answer by saying "but you say that now"? They seem to be seeking your input, but in the end, it feels like they will make the decision themselves anyway. It leaves you with the impression that your thoughts have no impact.

Have you ever had your spouse imply that they don't praise you as much by boasting about their own gifts, meals, or efforts? Like saying, "I did... the other day, I bought..." as if making a roundabout comparison. It's almost as if they're putting themselves in your place.

Have you ever had someone belittle your thoughts, preferences, or something you like, and then try to steer the conversation towards something else to keep it on their side? For example, saying "Of course, young people like it this way now, we used to do it like this back in the day, but it doesn't matter." It's both passive-aggressive and an attempt to dominate the conversation with their perspective.

Has your partner ever questioned your decisions in front of you, implying that what they say is more correct? Like, "You know best, but I think it should be this way." They might want to assert their authority without belittling you.

Have you ever heard someone say something like, "In our time, there wasn't stuff like this, everything was harder," while belittling your current efforts by praising the past? As if everything you do is presented as ready and easy. Is it really a lack of love, or is it a habit of longing for the old days that's up for debate?

Have you ever had your mother tell your partner a story about you from the past, adding a little detail to make you look different? For example, she exaggerates something you said, making it seem like you said it exactly that way. It's as if she wants to leave even a tiny crack of trust between you and your partner.

Has your partner ever pressured you to take a side on any issue? For instance, during an argument, have they said "Say something too" to push you to align yourself with them or against them? The goal might not be to see your clear stance but to disturb the balance between you.

Have you ever experienced a situation where your partner implies something that isn’t actually there between you two, then pretends to be like, "Of course, I'm not saying anything"? For instance, acting as if there’s a problem between you while making it seem like they’re concerned about finding a solution. It’s like stirring the pot a bit but still trying to keep their hands clean.

Have you ever had someone give you indirect praise from time to time, and then tie it to something else as if to take that praise back? Like saying, "You've made this dish well, but it would have been better if X had done it this way." They like it and don't like it at the same time, it's a strange situation.

Have you ever accepted a suggestion or idea from someone at first, only to later tell your partner something different when you're alone, changing their mind? For example, pretending to say, "What a nice thought," but then saying, "I think it would be better if you did it this way," subtly guiding them behind the scenes. They might be someone who enjoys influencing indirectly rather than directly.

Have you ever felt guilty because of a decision you made, only for someone to then try to present a solution as if it were their own suggestion? Like saying, "Of course, you know best, but what would you do if this leads to that?" while actually intending to make your idea seem risky or unreasonable. It's like they’re making you say something you didn’t intend to.

Have you ever had a moment where, despite not knowing something special that you and your partner share, they talk as if they can guess and make you bring it up? When responding to such a thing, if you inevitably provide details, it could be a somewhat manipulative tactic. They're learning while also drawing you out.

Has there ever been a time when your partner criticized something their spouse did, and then tried to create an indirect argument with them by using you as an example? For instance, saying, "You do it that way, but look at how Gülsüm does it." While it may seem like they're defending you, they might actually be setting the stage for a comparison between you two.

Has there ever been a time when, next to him, it seemed like he was going to fully support your opinion, only to suddenly back off? For example, saying something like, "Bahar is actually right, but it’s difficult in your circumstances, of course." He might be putting himself aside and leaving you in a confrontational position.

Have you ever had someone take action and then present it as if it were your or your partner's idea? For example, telling your partner, "I did it the way you wanted" while actually implementing their own decision. They might have both guided the situation and avoided responsibility.

Has anyone ever implied you by mentioning someone else's similar situation without directly stating your mistake or shortcoming? For example, while talking about a relative, saying "X did something like that too; they're a bit thoughtless as well" to target you. It's not direct, but you get the message.

Have you ever been offered something that you didn’t want to do, but it was presented as if it were already your responsibility? For example, someone might say, "You’re good at these things, you can handle this" and subtly pile the task onto you. It’s a mix of gratitude and obligation in their attitude.

Have you ever noticed someone acting like they know your wants or preferences and then talking completely differently around others? For example, saying "Asya likes it this way" while telling someone else "She asked for it this way, but it would actually be better like this," making you seem inconsistent. It could be a duplicitous strategy.

Have you ever had someone seem to support your decision, only to take an attitude at the end where it’s completely your fault if things go wrong? For example, saying "Maya wants it this way, let's do it" and then when something goes wrong, saying, "I told you from the beginning". They act like they are supporting you but completely evade the risk.

Have you ever had a story told to you or your spouse that was completely untrue? Especially about other relatives, as if the person wasn't on their side? When it later turns out that the situation was the exact opposite or something was left out, you find yourself questioning who they were trying to turn against.

Have you ever tried to dissuade someone from something, but instead of confronting them directly, you brought someone else into the conversation? For example, saying something like "I don't know, my mom wouldn't approve of this," which actually expresses your own opinion through someone else's voice. This way, your own view remains hidden, and objecting becomes more difficult.

Have you ever had someone tell you something directly and then explain it differently to others? For example, after saying to you, "You know best, just go along with it," they go on to say to others, "I didn't want it that way, but they were insistent." It's a way to make you responsible for the decision while they clear themselves of blame.

Have you ever had someone act like they were asking for your opinion but had already put their plan into action? For example, asking, "What do you think, which one makes sense?" and then announcing a decision that had already been made before you could say anything. It makes the initial question feel completely performative.

Have you ever had someone praise you while actually criticizing something they found lacking in you indirectly? For example, "Bahar is very helpful, but sometimes she overworks herself, don’t you think, Bahar?" It sounds like they are saying something nice, but they are subtly pointing something out.

Have you ever brought up a private matter with your partner in front of him/her, and then had them respond with something like, "But we didn’t discuss anything, did we?" — acting both confrontational and as if it hadn’t been talked about before? It’s like a game with sharp edges on both sides.

Have you ever had someone who initially goes "Oh nice" to your ideas, but as soon as you start defending your opinion or explaining the details, they cut you off with something like "But it won’t work for this reason"? It’s a way of making it clear that they rejected it from the start while pretending to listen. It’s as if they’re just waiting for you to explain.

Have you ever been in an environment that didn't force you to do something, but then blamed you when you didn't? Like saying "Of course, you do as you wish," and then complaining to someone else because you didn't do it. It creates a dilemma where not doing something is a fault, and doing it is a different fault.

Have they ever tried to pin their negative actions on you? For example, after a mistake or incomplete task, do they say to others, "I already mentioned it, but they did it that way," making you look responsible? It seems like a way to camouflage their own mistakes.

Have you ever felt that your spouse has indirectly made you feel like you're not close enough to their family? For example, saying something like, "In our family, everyone always supports each other through good and bad times," implying that you're not measuring up. Something that hints at it and waits for a reaction.

Has anyone ever suggested you did something wrong without telling you directly? Those moments when, out of the blue, someone makes a general comment like, "But if everyone follows the rules, there won't be any problems," as if they aren't targeting you directly, but it's clear that the topic is you. Being cornered with such indirect implications instead of stating it openly.

Have you ever had your spouse make a decision about something, presenting it as if it were for their own good, but really it was for your benefit? For example, they might make a dish your spouse loves without asking them, and then say something like,

Has anyone ever brought up a topic related to themselves and then somehow turned the conversation back to you? For example, "I never get involved in things like this, but when have you been doing this?" It's a move that casts their own position as innocent while targeting you. Just think about it, it creates the perception that you are always the one in the wrong.

Have you ever had someone pretend to be protecting you or supporting you in front of others, while actually belittling you at the same time? Like saying something such as "You wouldn't understand, we'll handle it" which both excludes you and shows superiority to others. It's a very sneaky tactic, hard to understand.

Have you ever had someone compliment you on something, only to subtly undermine that compliment later? Like saying, "You pay a lot of attention, but young people can’t think of every detail; you’ll learn that over time." At first, it sounds nice, but then it turns into a veiled message that you’re "lacking" in some way.

Have you ever been blatantly ignored in a gathering or crowded setting? For example, you're telling a story, and they cut you off to turn to someone else and start talking about their own agenda. It's not a direct insult, but it's like making a move to erase your existence.

Have you ever had someone try to blow up an issue that has nothing to do with you and indirectly dump it on you as if it were something you needed to take care of? For example, implying that they expect you to make a move by saying something like, "Our issue still hasn't been resolved, I don't know what we should do." The real burden ends up falling on you, but they never say it outright.

Has anyone ever compared you to someone else in a way that makes you seem less capable or suitable? For example, saying something like "Our bride handles these things right away; you'll learn in time too." It doesn't seem like a direct criticism, but at the same time, it brings you down.

Have you ever had someone try to convince you of something by flattering you? For example, saying "Someone as open-minded as you will understand this right away"—suggesting a decision as a recommendation, but creating the impression that if you don’t accept it, you’ll come off as narrow-minded. It feels like a compliment, but it’s actually a form of cornering.

Have you ever had someone use another person as a go-between for you to do something they want? Like saying, "Your dad really loved that dessert of yours, I wish you'd make it sometime so we could bring it to him." They aren't saying it directly, but they are exerting pressure through someone else while also trying to present it as a request.

Have you ever had someone share a private piece of information about you with others without your knowledge? Like when they say, "You were complaining about this the other day," while telling a story, leaving you exposed in front of everyone. It's hard to tell if it's intentional or just absent-mindedness, but the result is always troublesome.

Hiç sana bir konuyu sormadan, tamam olduğunu varsayıp kendi kararını dayattığı oldu mu? Mesela “Bize şu gün gelirsin, çocuklarla da iyi olur” gibi. Ne sordum, ne planladım, direkt oldu bittiye getirme. Çok sık yapılan bir şey.

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