Since I got married, the money talk in my spouse's family never ends. Now my mother-in-law suggested that I should set aside the surplus from the household expenses to support her family. Do you think this request is reasonable, or should I draw my own boundaries?
I swear it seems a bit too much to me. It's already hard to settle into your own routine in marriage, and I don't think it's necessary to support other people's families. I think you should speak openly and set your boundaries, otherwise, it will always continue like this 🤦♀️
I'm a student, so I haven't come across things like this, but from what I've heard, once these things start, they don't stop. So honestly, we need to check whether the house expenses will remain or not. Maybe they don't even? 🥲
You need to sit down and talk directly with your spouse. If they can't say no to their mother, you need to come to a joint decision and discuss it that way. I think you should first find out what your spouse thinks.
How long have these issues been coming up? I mean, had they implied something like this even before getting married? Also, is your partner on your side regarding this? Because their attitude is very important.
Well, here's the thing; my spouse doesn't outright accept it, but they're not saying a definite 'no' either. They just say things like 'let's see how it goes' and so on. Since they aren't clearly laying down a boundary, it feels like everyone is putting pressure on me 🤦♀️
In such cases, tensions can build up over time between spouses. If you and your partner haven't reached a clear decision on this yet, you might try making a financial plan. If you see the income-expense balance together, it may help clarify that it's not really possible to set aside a budget outside of your family.
In Turkish society, it is generally not considered shameful to support elders; in fact, it is viewed as a duty. But you are married now, meaning there should be a limit to everything. Can't you express this politely? Is there no one in this family who can say no plainly? 🤷♀️
Here's the thing: your spouse might have a strong relationship with their family, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you make the rules of the household too strict, could you cause them to distance themselves from their family? Think about it. Material support will always be there in some form. I'd say keep the discussion a bit softer.
