Lately, my mother-in-law has started asking a lot of questions about my personal life. She’s constantly curious about what we’re doing and where we’re going. How should I handle this and should I set boundaries with her? When I mention it, she gets even more persistent, and this situation makes me uncomfortable.
Why is it getting so messy?
My mother-in-law was like that too, extremely curious. I ignored it for a while, but as it continued, my spouse and I needed to talk more clearly.
Are they asking you directly or are they telling your spouse and finding out indirectly?
@yazipsildim usually asks me, but sometimes he tells my spouse too. In fact, when I ask, ‘why do you say that?’ he replies, ‘these things are discussed within the family.’
@aklimkaldi I think you might be exaggerating a bit. After all, you’ve become family; you can’t act completely on your own. Even though the level of privacy is high, there are still things that can be shared.
@pazardandondum but it’s not normal to ask about every detail either; no one wants to be questioned all the time. You need to have boundaries.
If what you’re saying has crossed the line of discomfort, it is essential to address this with both your spouse and your mother-in-law. There should be an agreement on the boundaries of personal space. Can you openly tell your spouse that you feel this pressure?
Maybe the “it’s talked about within the family” part is being overemphasized; everyone’s boundaries are not the same after all. If you explain your own privacy line to them and clearly state what feels comfortable and what feels uncomfortable for you, are they still pushing it? If they continue to insist after you’ve stated your boundary, I think your partner needs to be more actively supportive.
It’s fine to talk within the family, but not everything should be. It’s a problem if they don’t leave you any personal space. If your spouse doesn’t see this, that’s where the real issue might be.
It seems to me that your attempts to set boundaries have made him come at you even more. Do you think he’s doing it on purpose, or is he genuinely curious? Some people perceive boundary discussions as directly “hiding things from me” because of that.
Wondering about crossing boundaries is one thing, but demanding personal information under the pretext of being family is another. If someone directly says, “it can be talked about,” trust me, they’re defending their own perception, not you. The real issue is whether this situation creates problems between you and your spouse. If it makes you sensitive towards each other, that’s more troubling. Have you ever thought about it from this perspective?
Beyond causing problems between you and your spouse, could your mother-in-law be belittling you in front of your partner? I sensed a vibe of “I know everything about you, I’m the center of it all.” If so, the issue is not just curiosity but a power imbalance.
If the issue is the balance of power, your partner’s reaction becomes more critical. Your mother-in-law is questioning you, but it might be your partner’s stance that fuels her perception of control. Is your partner remaining silent about this, or are they actively choosing a side?