My sister is getting engaged but my mom doesn't want her to

Has there ever been a conversation between your mother and your sibling? I mean, did your mother clearly state why she didn't want it, and did your sibling express their stance clearly? Because in this way, while everyone blames each other, the main issues that need to be addressed remain unresolved.

In this case, we need to see the mother's disapproval as just one factor, because the primary focus should be on the brother and his fiancée who need to act solution-oriented. The mother's opinion is certainly important, but while everyone is focused on her reaction, the engaged couple might be sidelining their own relationship. If the brother is so dependent on the approval of others, we need to question how he will sustain this relationship.

Your brother is actually choosing what he is willing to accept in the future in this situation. Whether it's his mother, his fiancée, or an unhappy marriage... His lack of stance during this silence period might be a sign that he is being dragged into something he doesn’t want. Are you really sure about this when you talk?

She doesn't want it, that's fine, but doesn't the family of the fiancée notice this at all? Don't they ever ask why things are at a standstill? Because this much silence isn't a good sign; this situation is bound to crack somewhere.

You teased your sister-in-law, but is it normal for the man you call your fiancé to erase himself from a huge equation? I mean, where will someone who stands on the sidelines while families are at war fit into the marriage? Is it healthy to embark on a journey with someone who can’t even say "I’m here" at this stage?

What about your mother's worries? Are they completely unfounded? I mean, does she have a serious reason or is she just saying "it doesn't sit right with me"? Because if she has said something really important, it might be questionable whether to disregard it or not. How openly did your sibling talk with your mother about this?

We talk about not wanting to impose, but what if your fiancé's family doesn't want it? You know how you say, "why is the fiancé just standing by?" Maybe when the wind blows that way, they choose silence. We should take a closer look at what's going on over there.

So, if your mother doesn't agree now, will this break off the engagement, for example? Because the situation with your brother, whether he accepts or not, is important here. His fiancé is passive, okay, but maybe your brother is also a bit in a "go with the flow" mode. Such big decisions don't get made just by going with the flow.

I think we should look less at your mother's refusal and more at where her statements are pushing your brother. Maybe your brother isn't fully engaging with the situation because he feels distant from the start. There’s an excuse that "mom doesn't want it," but the real issue seems to be your brother's determination. It's hard to find a solution without him putting his weight behind it.

Have you ever talked about why your brother chose his fiancée? I mean, does he love her, does he really want to build a life together, or is he stuck at some point due to pressures and disagreements? Maybe he's pulling back because your mother doesn't really want it, but perhaps the engagement process was already shaky on its own. This level of uncertainty can't be explained otherwise.

Could opening up the engagement decision to the family be a mistake from the start? I mean, with your mother disapproving and your fiancé's indifference, it seems like the expectations of your sibling have been lost in the center of it all. How healthy was it to establish a relationship so open to external influences from the very beginning?

Has the bride's family met with the groom's family at all? If there's any coldness or shyness, perhaps the issue is not just with your mother but with the incompatibility of both families. If there is this much tension without the parties getting to know each other, won't it lead to bigger problems in the marriage?

If there is a disagreement between the families of both sides, can the engaged couple manage this chaos? That's the issue here. It's not just about the families liking each other; it's about whether the couple can act together during this process. How solid are the engaged couple's decisions if the families can comfortably intervene?

If he's caught between his fiancée and his mother's disapproval, how will they manage to build a life together? Let's say his sister is worried just because their mother doesn't approve; the fact that his fiancée remains so silent is a bigger problem. Someone who can't defend their own relationship, how will they solve the issues that come up in marriage?

One should question not only the silence of the fiancée's side but also why the mother opposes things so clearly. How is the relationship with your sibling? Does she usually intervene in his decisions? Perhaps the issue isn't the fiancée herself, but the mother's controlling habits.

Is the mother's reason for objection clear? Is she using your fiancé's passivity as an excuse or saying something real? Or is it more of a general "it should be what I say" attitude? Even if she doesn't like something, she needs to bring it up and say it openly. Your sister also needs to clearly state what she wants; it feels like everyone is speaking indirectly right now.

No matter how logical the mother’s reason for rejecting the fiancé might be, the way she communicates this to her sibling is important. If she only says "no" and doesn’t clearly explain her reasons, it can be perceived as mere stubbornness. So, has the fiancé's side tried to learn the mother’s reactions and take a step forward? In other words, will this tension before marriage provide an opportunity for both parties to attempt to "reach an agreement"?

Mother doesn't want it, but is the reason clear? Is there really a problem with her fiancé, or is it more of a general feeling of "incompatibility"? Some mothers might exaggerate something that isn't even there and turn it into an issue, just because they don't feel at ease. On the other hand, their intuition often has a fair amount of validity; they tend to be very observant. I think it's essential to listen to all sides without taking anyone's side.

If the mother's reason for not wanting this is her fiancé's passivity, is this just an excuse or is there really a serious compatibility issue? Let's say the fiancé is quiet, how much is your brother supporting this relationship? If there is a constant state of being "caught in the middle," wouldn't it be tougher to move forward from such a fragile beginning?

Everyone is focused on the fiancée because she doesn't want it, but is her brother's intentions clear? This "being caught in the middle" may also stem from his indecisiveness. Because someone who makes a decision firmly doesn't internalize outside voices this much. 😐

But we also need to consider this: your mother might not want the fiancé, but in such a situation, the fiancé's side also seems to leave the relationship unattended with their silence. So both sides can't say, "Okay, we are here." Then, is the bond between your sibling and the fiancé really strong, or is it your mother's loud voice that is silencing them?

Can someone explain this, has the engaged person, that is, the sibling, completely stopped expressing their own opinion in this relationship? What we sometimes refer to as being "stuck in the middle" can become a passive escape. Perhaps instead of focusing on the fiancé or the mother, we need to look at how much say the sibling has had in such decisions from the beginning.

The silence of the fiancée's side caught my attention. Perhaps they heard your mother's stance and withdrew, thinking, "We don't want to be forced to accept this." So, silence can sometimes happen to avoid pushing things further. Did you ask your brother about this possibility?

The timing of your mother not wanting this relationship is as interesting as the issue of silence. Was there no serious reaction until the engagement, or did it emerge as the process progressed? If she was hesitant from the very beginning, that's one thing; if it’s a discomfort that arose later, it should be evaluated differently. Have you discussed this with your mother in a deep, not superficial, way?

Aside from the mother's disapproval, were financial issues discussed at all? Because sometimes the issue isn't about "conflict" but rather the different expectations families have for the future. I think it's worth questioning this perspective instead of just focusing on personal relationships.

There’s also this: you say your mother doesn’t want it, but what about the family of your fiancé? Are they fully supportive or is there some coldness from their side as well? Sometimes the issue isn’t just with the couple, but also gets stuck in the energy of both families. So it’s important to assess the other side’s attitude too.

If your mother didn't want this from the very beginning, why did it come to the engagement? Could it be that your sibling just went with the flow? Because if there was real determination, it wouldn't be about engagement, it would have been resolved on this table during the first conversation. It's as if everyone is just managing each other.

Your sister doesn't want it, your fiancé is silent, and it feels like your brother is just spinning in the same circle. So, does your brother really want to maintain this relationship, or has he realized that the engagement was a wrong decision from the start but can't bring himself to act on it? Maybe the real issue is that the relationship itself creates an internal conflict. Have you ever sat down and talked clearly about this with your brother?

Well, let's put the fiancé's side aside for a moment. How does your brother carry the weight of your mother's influence on this matter? I mean, the feeling of being torn can sometimes arise not just from external pressure but also from a person's own internal unrest. Is there really a clarity in your brother's mind regarding this engagement that says "it definitely has to happen"? Are you really sure about that?

If the other party is not being so clear, did your fiancé's family have a previous incident? Is there some kind of tension or disagreement behind the scenes? This level of resistance seems a bit excessive. Have you looked into the families' pasts rather than just your sibling's?

We're talking about the silence of the fiancée's side, but maybe they are going through a decision-making process rather than just being quiet. You know, they might be wondering, "Will this work out long term with this family, or not?" If the mother's attitude made them uneasy, could they have developed a more strategic approach to the issue instead of just holding back? Have you ever thought about that?

Your mother might not so much be firmly against it, but rather have a deep uncertainty about the future of this marriage. Because what she says she doesn't want might sometimes be the burdens that person brings. Ask your brother, is this engagement a "yes" or a "let's see" for him? Without clarifying this, neither your mother's attitude nor the engaged side can be properly assessed.

If your brother wants to maintain this engagement but your mother doesn't, it's also important to clarify whether it's the fiancé or the overall process that bothers her. In other words, is the issue entirely about the groom-to-be? Or is it the timing of the marriage, arrangements, or some other social expectation that's causing trouble? Because sometimes mothers focus not on the person but on the thought of 'is this the right time?'.

You say your mom doesn't want this, but how willing is your fiancé's side? Is your mom the only issue, or has the other side also entered a "this is complicated" mode? If both sides are unwilling, why is this engagement still going on? 🤦‍♀️

But no one has talked, why has your mother remained so silent throughout the process leading up to the engagement? If she had been honest from the beginning, maybe it wouldn't have escalated this far. Or was there someone else who said yes and then changed their mind?

Maybe the issue isn’t with your fiancé’s side or your mother, but directly with your sibling. Has it reached a point where they shouldn’t have taken a step back in the first place, rather than feeling caught in the middle? If they’re not clear about the question, "Can I spend a lifetime with this man?", neither the mother will be resolved nor will the fiancé’s side be able to fix things. Have you ever been able to sit down and have an open conversation with your sibling?

There’s something no one is talking about: your mother doesn’t want it, but how does she show that? Does she clearly say "no," or does she hint at it in subtle ways? Because a direct rejection is different from a nuanced discouragement. How does your sibling perceive this distinction? Perhaps your mother’s attitude is confusing your sibling even more.

Well, your mother doesn't want it, but has anyone directly asked why? I mean, everyone is trying to come up with solutions based on assumptions, but has your mother clearly stated the reason? Or are we just interpreting things? You can't understand without asking.

A mother not wanting something is one reason, but is the fiancé's side still interested despite that, or have they also put some distance? Sometimes the other side might use their own hesitations as an excuse for their mother's disapproval and withdraw. Until we figure out who is truly at the root of the issue, this matter will only prolong.

You say the whole issue is your mother "not wanting" it, but how effective can this reluctance really be? If your sibling is determined and the fiancé's side is supportive, can't things move forward without your mother's approval? Or is your mother's "say" here greater than it seems?

Clearly, the mother's reluctance is having a big impact. Has anyone acted as a mediator to help resolve this? Perhaps a trusted family member or an elder whom the mother would listen to? Sometimes, it's not just about direct conversation; an outside comment can soften things up. It's important to know who the mother is more open to discussing her opinion with.

Have you asked why your mother doesn't want this? Alright. But how much does the fiancé's family notice your mother's attitude? How do the conflicts within your family reflect on them? Maybe they are also misunderstanding this situation from their side and developing a strategy. From any perspective, it seems like there is a missing bridge between the two sides.

Whatever the reason for your mother's disapproval, there's an important detail: how is your sibling standing in this situation? How committed are they to their decision? Because if your sibling is indecisive or passive in response to your mother's reaction, it affects not only your mother's stance but also the course of their own relationship. I see this like a situation where you're just going in circles at home. Is there any benefit in dealing with your mother without truly understanding what your sibling really wants?

It seems like everyone is revolving around her just because her mother doesn't approve, but the matter will prolong until the attitudes of the fiancée's side become clearer in this process. So, are they just on standby, or are they indicating some discomfort? Because the silence from the other side might reinforce the mother's disapproval. Have you ever noticed that they might be unconsciously disrupting the process as well?

You said your mother doesn't want it, but is this only related to the side of your fiancée, or is it a general "finding no one sufficient" situation? Because in some mothers, especially those used to their own authority, it's not enough that the other side is perfect; they always want their own choice. So could the issue be not with the fiancée, but with the mother's need for control?

At first, it was mentioned that she doesn't want it, but is your mother’s attitude only limited to not wanting it, or is there an interference, pressure situation as well? In other words, does she seem to be trying to block it in spirit while claiming she doesn't want it? Because not wanting something is one thing, sabotaging the process is quite another.

Have you ever tried to clarify whether the mother's disapproval targets the engagement or the marriage? So she says "no," but does she see it as a situation that can be corrected over time, or is she completely against it from the start? If the root cause isn't clear, everyone might be imagining different enemies and positioning themselves accordingly.

The reason the mother doesn't want it is quite abstract. Is there a material or moral apprehension, or is it entirely based on feelings? Because if there’s no tangible justification, this attitude might seem like a defiant move made for control. From what has been described, the mother appears to have a rather dominant character, and this situation will also reflect on her sibling’s post-marriage life; how clear are the plans?

Here, the attitude of your brother's fiancée is also important. I mean, amidst all this discussion and your mother's pressure, how strong is that guy standing? Can he take charge of both your brother and the situation, or is he also staying in the background? If the couple lacks the ability to act together, this issue not only reflects your mother's shortcomings but also highlights the weak point in their relationship.

Have you ever thought about how the brother balances between the mother and the fiancé, aside from the mother not wanting the fiancé? Is the brother completely passive, saying "don't involve me," or is he trying to find a place for his fiancé within the family? If he is just caught in the middle, this situation will likely end up in a deadlock in the long run.

It's strange that your fiancé's side has completely vanished just because your mother doesn't want him. Okay, your mother is dominant, fine, but why don't the fiancés take the initiative and say, "We're here"? I mean, if it's a wedding, then it's a wedding, they'll plan it if they want to. Silence prolongs the process. Everyone is just looking at each other.

I think your mother might not be bothered by the fiancé himself, but rather by the overall demeanor of the fiancé's side. In other words, it's not just about the child; is she finding something about the family? Too distant, too relaxed, or too involved... Could that be causing some unease?

It makes me think about something, your mother doesn’t want it, but what is your sibling doing in this situation? I mean, if they are determined to get married, why is so much prolonging of the disagreement allowed? Doesn't it harm the relationship if this drags on like this?

Is it clear: is your mother resisting just because she doesn't want to, or does she know something? Because sometimes, those who say things like "I felt" might actually be hinting at a reality. If there is a concrete reason, it needs to be laid out clearly.

How is your fiancé's family's communication with your mother? Perhaps it's not just the fiancé; their way of interacting with the family might be conflicting with your mother's boundaries. You're only talking about the fiancé, but the situation could be more about a cultural/logical clash than just the fiancé.

It's interesting that if the bride's mother doesn't want this so much, the groom's side also seems to be going into defense mode and not proving their relationship. Normally, in such situations, one side tries more actively to assert themselves, but here everyone seems to have pulled back. I think this passivity could cause issues in future communication; if the groom and his family are already acting this way, what will they do when bigger problems arise later?

Consider this: your mother is clearly indicating that she doesn't want this, so why is the fiancée's side not stepping back despite that? There's no attitude like "Your mother doesn't want this, so we're backing off." In other words, there's neither a real effort to accept the situation nor a clear stance. Doesn't this uncertainty complicate things even more?

Well, your mother says she doesn't want this, but why is your sibling still trying to convince her? Is there a specific reason they put forward, or are they just trying to get approval? If they are determined, shouldn't they set their own boundaries with their fiancé and move on?

Something catches my attention here: your mother doesn't want it, okay, but what is the motivation for the fiancé's side to continue with this? I mean, can this engagement go on without your side's approval, or can they pull it off? Or do they also have a kind of casualness like "maybe it will work, maybe it won't"?

Whatever the reason for the mother's objections, I think her brother needs to stand by his fiancée and take a stance in this situation. If he's wandering around wondering, "How can I convince my mother?" it's questionable whether he truly trusts this relationship. Because if two people can't stand firm in such decisions, any outside disturbance will only grow.

Anne doesn't want it, the fiancé's side seems to have withdrawn, and your brother is caught in between. But let me ask this: is this relationship entirely run through the families? Where is the individual connection and commitment between the two parties? If family pressure is this decisive, there seems to be a fundamental shortcoming.

you need to focus a bit more on your brother and his fiancée while putting your mother in the background. Let's say they get married in the future, how much will they be able to make their own decisions? If they're this influenced by external factors even during the engagement phase, how will they establish a balance in the long run?

If you are so opposed to the engagement, did your brother's fiancée come and have a direct conversation? I mean, did she engage in a dialogue like, "Why don't you want it, what is the issue, can we solve it?" If this was never done, it seems there is both a lack of trust and a communication problem. If communication is already broken off from the engagement, how will it be afterward?

Why does it seem like all the responsibility is placed on the fiancé's side? Your mother doesn't want it, your sibling is in between, but why does the fiancé always have to take the initiative? This is a mutual relationship; if your mother has made her position clear, perhaps the fiancé is also expecting to see the same clarity of stance. What does your sibling really want?

So what exactly is your brother trying to convince her of? Does he want to change your mom's mind and create a peaceful atmosphere at the wedding, or is he just trying to get approval? Because these are two different things. If there's going to be constant conflict after the wedding, he needs to be clear from the start about "who he is moving forward with."

If your brother is in a bit of a "let me be a problem solver" mode, this will be tough. I mean, the effort to persuade and the struggle to maintain balance will eventually wear out both his relationships and make your mother even more stubborn. Can he stop seeking his mother's approval and take a clear step regarding his own life? I believe that’s the issue.

What exactly is the reason for the mother's refusal? Without discussing this openly and directly, the "persuasion" or "decision-making" processes will always be left hanging. What if the reason is logical or something that can't be solved, for example? Will everyone just take a stand on their own? Your brother is at the wheel of this matter, but he must ask this question.

She doesn't want it, but the question of why is just as open as the "who matters" question. Will her brother be able to continue this relationship without their mother's approval? For instance, if he pulls back out of fear of the tension they will face living together, how long will his fiancée be able to endure that? The real decision is here.

She doesn't want it, but what does the fiancé's family say? How involved are they in this relationship, are they supportive? Because if it's not moving forward with just one side's effort, it seems like an unbalanced situation from the start.

Is your brother's fiancée someone who can openly take a stand against your mother? Because if she remains passive, this "protecting the relationship" issue will only fall on your brother's shoulders. I think it needs to be looked at from this perspective to see if something truly balanced is being established.

If your mother says she doesn't want it this much, what do the other family members say? What about your father, if you have a brother or sister...? Is everyone against it, or is it just your mother who has this opinion? If it's a completely isolated stance, then does the issue somewhat turn back to your mother's personal reservations; is anyone expressing this openly?

You say she doesn't want it, but why does it become so decisive? The person managing the relationship is your sibling; we need to question how much say they actually have. If they constantly have to balance family matters, that relationship has already fallen into a secondary position from the start.

It's important not only to talk about your mother's reasons for not wanting that but also to clearly show her what the consequences will be. For example, if she doesn't accept a sibling and gets married, what will happen to her situation? Will she not see them, will she cut off relationships, or will she eventually accept it over time? Generally, when such clear questions are not asked, everyone switches to an emotional "winning" mode.

She doesn't want it, okay, but how committed is your brother to this relationship? I mean, if he's saying things like "I don't want to upset my mom, let's wait a bit" in between, he might be putting this on hold himself. Is he showing a clear stance, or is it a total uncertainty from the get-go? This is important.

Your mother doesn't want it, but what about your fiancée's brother? Is there a serious mutual bond, or is it just that your brother has invested more in this relationship? Because if your fiancée's stance is weak, the situation won't be resolved just by your mother's withdrawal.

How does his fiancée position her own family during this process? For example, does she have an attitude of embracing their sibling against her mother’s distance? Or does it seem like everyone is just waiting around? Because if both sides are unclear, the sibling might feel even more alone in this situation.

Your mother doesn’t want it, but is the issue simply not wanting? Does she have a concrete reason, or is it something abstract like "it doesn’t sit well with me"? If she’s resisting so much for abstract reasons, there could be another story involved. Your mother’s own fears, disappointments, maybe something from years ago... It seems like we need to dig a little deeper.

While the mother's refusal is so prominent, where is the fiancé's family in this picture? Are they stepping up, or is the entire burden of defending the relationship resting solely on her brother's shoulders? Because everyone going silent and leaving her brother in a precarious position is not a healthy foundation.

With accounts being so different on both sides, one also needs to consider the fiancé's own attitude. Is he giving support to his brother like "We're getting married despite your mother," or is he also shaped by the families? Because if your brother is solely relying on the fiancé, he won't be able to bear this burden in the long run.

If the situation arises where the engagement is called off, how far will your mother's reaction go? You haven't discussed that. For instance, if you ask, "Would you feel relieved if this ends?" can you get a concrete answer? Or will your mother find something to be uneasy about, regardless of the decision made during this process? I think we need to dig a little deeper into what your mother's resistance is based on.

Your mother doesn't want it, okay, but how does she feel about your fiancé's brother? But not in a general sense, I mean in detail. So, if there wasn't any tension from your mother in a completely different environment, is this guy really the right one for your brother? Because maybe the issue isn't just your mother's objection; your brother loves him, but are there any other red flags that are being overlooked?

But if your brother's fiancée is so alone in defending him, did her fiancé come forward even a step? I mean, is she just unable to pull her family together, or is there a lack on her part as well? If both sides are not making the same effort, then your mother's disapproval sounds like an excuse anyway.

One must also ask this: Did your mother really give the fiancé a chance to get to know him, or did she set a distance from the start and just leave it there? Because sometimes the phrase "I don't want to" comes from a place of not wanting to get to know someone intentionally. Was your mother's attitude sharp from the very beginning, or is it a reaction to a situation that has arisen?

Is Anne afraid that her role will diminish in the event of the engagement progressing, that she will be excluded? I mean, if your sibling starts a family, they may no longer need their mother as before, could that be causing your mother to feel uneasy? Because sometimes, the excuse of not wanting something is actually a fear of losing control.

If she is targeting another fiancé directly, is this stemming from a trust issue concerning her brother's decisions, or does she not believe in him? Because sometimes the issue isn't the person, but rather doubts about her daughter's ability to make choices. In this case, who the fiancé is may take a back seat.

I was curious about what your fiancé's family thinks about your brother. If they support this relationship, why aren't they trying to build a bridge with your mother from time to time? It seems that a supportive family wouldn't stay completely in the background with this much tension.

So did your mother explicitly say she doesn't want the engagement, or is she indicating it through her behavior? Sometimes people don't say it directly and instead express it through things like sulking or pouting to annoy the other person. If that's the case, you could remind your sibling that they need to hear it directly from your mother.

Does she have any concerns about his family aside from her comments about the fiancé? Let's say the fiancé is a good man, but could their family structure have left a question mark in her mind? Because usually in these matters, it’s not just the individual that’s considered, but also familial compatibility.

So how does your mother explain this within her circle of friends and among the neighbors? I mean, is the "I don't want it" stance just as strong outside, or is it only within the family? Because sometimes there can be parents who present a different image outside while exerting pressure inside. In this case, she might put more pressure on your brother during the engagement process.

Perhaps your mother's main issue is that it feels like this engagement is developing outside of the advisory role typically given to elders. In other words, there could be a sense of hurt like, "How could you make such a decision without consulting me?" If elders generally feel excluded, they might go into a mode where they don't want to participate at all. Was your mother completely left out of this engagement process?

Did you arrange a private meeting with Annene's fiancé? In a crowd, people can sometimes take sides, and things can get tense. Maybe in a one-on-one setting, there would be a better chance for a sincere change of opinion.

Could your mother be reacting reflexively against something? I mean, the issue might not actually be about getting to know the fiancé, but rather the feeling of "This happened without my approval." Did your brother move forward with such a direct decision without involving your mother?

So much detail has been discussed regarding the mother's disapproval, but nothing has been said about your brother's approach to his fiancée. What stance does he take in defending his fiancée or clearly expressing his position to your mother? Or does he remain silent and ignore your mother's objections? Because sometimes the most significant absence is this state of being "caught in between."

Is your brother's fiancé getting involved at all in this process? I mean, does the guy make any effort to address the questions that are on your mother's mind, or is he completely passive? Because in these types of conflicts, the fiancé also has a role to play.

From what I understand, your mother's reaction seems more related to the process, but here's the thing: if the fiancé's side never gets involved, what will his stance be in his future relationship with his family? Is he going to be silent now, and always? Your mother might sense this too.

And we also need to think about this: if your mother didn't mean any harm, she would have provided a more concrete reason regarding her fiancé, right? Looking at what you're saying now, it seems like she's more concerned about losing authority. In this situation, your brother should remind your mother of his respect for her while also not compromising his choice; he needs to find a balance. But as I said, if there's no concrete reason, your mother's objections might be more about "role" issues.

Is the mother's "I don't want to" really a conditional response, or is she hinting at a genuine issue she sees with her fiancé? It's hard to say. Sometimes adult children interpret parental criticism as a purely emotional rejection, when in fact they might be pointing out a concrete issue. Has she been directly pressed with "Why don’t you want to?" again?

Why is Anne so bothered by this engagement? Has your sister really tried to understand? Maybe she’s not questioning the fiancé, but your sister's choices instead. So the question "Why did she choose this guy?" might actually be masking a completely different dissatisfaction. Your mother's issue might not be with the guy himself, but with what he represents.

But how is your brother's fiancée's relationship with her own family? I mean, if she's passive towards your family, is she like that with her own family too? Because sometimes, the main clue in these matters can be found in how the other party stands with their own family. Maybe your mother senses this and reacts accordingly.

But is this the case: is your mother reacting not only to the process but also to some tension stemming from your fiancé's family? You know how sometimes a previous incident between two families, even a tiny issue, can grow into this big thing, could it be like that? Have you, for instance, met your sibling's fiancée's family yet?