You mentioned that your mother doesn’t want it, but what about the fiancé’s side? How do they see this process? Have they expressed any concerns regarding speed or compatibility? Is there tension between the two families, or is it all based on your mother’s comments? The way the parties view each other is important here.
But does your fiancé’s side feel anything about your mother’s disapproval? I mean, can’t your mother’s attitude, hints, or behaviors reflect on them? If there’s going to be a coldness in the future, it’s important not to leave such a complication from the beginning; it affects that relationship.
Whether or not your fiancée feels this aside, was there a direct confrontation with your mother? I mean, was it asked directly, “Why don’t you want this, what’s the problem?” Maybe we’re making assumptions here, but what your mother said is a much clearer and simpler issue; she may not be thinking that deeply about it.
Anne usually doesn’t say something she doesn’t want with an excuse; if she’s stuck somewhere, you should look closely at that. Did she see or hear something on the fiancée’s side, or does she remember something? Or is the issue entirely about her sister’s decision-making style or a concern related to her, is that clear? Sometimes the answer to the question “why don’t you want to” tells another story. Did you really hear it?
But if there’s a clear reason your mother doesn’t want this, then pretending to cancel the engagement would be inappropriate. I mean, okay, she doesn’t want it, but independent of that issue, is there a problem in your sister’s relationship or not? It would be good to be sure about that. Because we shouldn’t overlook something just to convince our mother.
Your mother doesn’t want it, that’s fine, but at what point does this unwillingness turn into a “direct refusal to let someone decide”? I mean, how much does it affect things? Is your brother really thinking for himself, or is he just waiting for your mother’s decision? No one should have that much control in someone else’s relationship.
We need to clarify whether he just doesn’t want it because of “his” reasons or if there’s a concrete reason behind it. But here’s the thing, let’s say the engagement happens, will your mother continue to dig in her heels like this throughout the marriage process? If there’s constant tension, how will that relationship work? Is your sibling already setting a boundary regarding this situation?
It’s one thing that your mother doesn’t approve, but is your fiancé’s family directly involved in this matter? In other words, do their opinions or expectations affect this process? Can your sibling maintain a balance between the two sides here, or is your mother’s disapproval automatically considered a veto? If the marriage path is influenced by so many external factors, how will it be in the future?
If your mother doesn’t want it, it will be hard to recover from the cooling off that may start on the fiancé’s side. But the real issue is this: how much is your brother defending his own opinion when making this decision? If there is an energy that will push the fiancé into doubt just because your mother doesn’t want it, this should have been resolved at the engagement stage. Now, how they will patch this up during the marriage process is where the trouble lies.
If they aren’t going to cancel the engagement just because the mother doesn’t want to, have they thought about how they’ll maintain their relationship with her? I mean, will she not approve but later provide support, or will there always be some tension? Because this unresolved dynamic before the engagement will escalate the tension considerably after getting married.
There must be a reason why the mother doesn’t want the fiancé, but what does your sibling think? Does he trust this relationship less just because his mother disapproves, or is he confident in his own choices? If the mother’s influence is that strong, we need to look at how much your sibling is truly living his own life.
He doesn’t want it, but does it just end with him not wanting it? That’s the main concern. For instance, if during processes like wedding planning and setting up a home, he continually imposes his opinions and increases the tension, if your brother can’t control this dynamic while being engaged, it will become even more challenging once they are married. It’s important to see this and ask how prepared he is.
How is your brother’s fiancé acting during this process? Is she withdrawing because your mother doesn’t want it, or is she owning the relationship and saying, “we can handle this”? Because it would be difficult to take a serious step with someone who only changes direction based on external pressure.
Has your brother’s fiancé made any effort to take a step towards your mother or try to communicate? In other words, it’s important to consider not just how your brother approaches the situation, but also how the fiancé does. Otherwise, it’s unclear if this couple was willing to completely cut ties with the family from the start 
Is Anne not wanting something the only reason, or is she trying to grab everyone’s attention by directly expressing some things? For instance, has she thrown any comments regarding her fiancé, or made any criticisms that touch the family? Because not wanting something is one thing, but openly confronting is another. How is the fiancé’s side reacting to this, has anyone seen or heard anything?
Setting aside the mother’s disapproval, how does your brother’s fiancée’s family interpret this situation? In other words, how resilient are they to the negative energy that might come from the outside? If there is such unrest between the two families, even the wedding table can turn into a battlefield. It’s hard to build a strong relationship without resolving that first.
I passed by the engaged couple, does the mother have a clear and definite boundary regarding this relationship? For example, is she saying something like “it will never happen because of them,” or is it just a general discomfort? If there is uncertainty, everyone will clash with each other; if there is a boundary, we can focus on that and look for a solution.
She doesn’t want it, but is this unwillingness only related to her fiancé, or is it a general sensitivity of “things were done without consulting me”? Sometimes the issue lies not with the person but with the process. Maybe she can’t stand her own exclusion rather than the fiancé’s.
So is your mother taking any steps to break off the engagement? I mean, is it just a matter of not wanting to, or is she actually doing something to prevent it? Or does she just say “I don’t want to” but stays back in the shadows? We need to clarify that because if she has taken action, things can go in a different direction.
Do you think this situation is being discussed between the engaged couple? I mean, aside from external pressures, can they come together and plan about this process? Or is one leaving the burden to the other with something like, “you can handle it”? That’s important.