My family is getting too involved in my engagement and meddling in everything. I envision an engagement the way I want it, but their demands are putting pressure on me. How do you think I can overcome this situation?
The saying that you have to stick to tradition is really silly.
Is this salon thing really only for crowded engagements? Why are they insisting so much, as if they’re worried about it being inappropriate?
I experienced a similar situation. My family tried to make my engagement worse than the wedding itself. At first, I tried to talk about it, but by the time I got to speak, it was too late. I would say just tell them directly what you don’t want from the very beginning.
So how exactly will the engagement you mentioned be? Venue, decorations, food, what’s the deal? Give me some details.
@yazipsildim actually the venue and decoration issues. my family insists on renting a hall, but I want something simple. especially my mom is trying to make decisions about everything.
@aklimkaldi, honestly you should have been clearer at the beginning. Now that you’ve reached this point, it’s hard to backtrack. Tell your mom directly what you want plainly and specify the things they can’t interfere with.
To resolve pressure in family communication, it’s essential to speak openly and clearly. If you calmly express your feelings and dreams to your mother, she might respond better. In any case, a small concession can be made to find a middle ground.
@hatconene I know you say that, but talking to the family isn’t that easy. Especially if the mother is dominant, it’s necessary to handle it more gently.
it’s your dream, but if it’s coming out of their pockets, there could be a problem.
Why does she want the other salon so much, is it to show the neighbors? Or is it some kind of family reckoning? Because she might have gotten into the mindset that no one pays attention with just a simple engagement.
Maybe according to your mother, the “grandeur” of this special day is measured by the venue, which could be a perception of extravagance passed down from generation to generation. But this is your day, and if she doesn’t realize that, a clear refusal might be necessary. Is that too harsh?
If they’re pushing this hard, have you tried softening your preference by presenting it as an excuse? For example, saying it’s due to economic reasons, or that you plan to have a bigger organization at the wedding, and so on. So it doesn’t come off as a complete refusal.
Is the bride only interested in the venue or is she also getting involved in other details related to the engagement? If there is pressure in everything, then it seems like the issue isn’t just the venue. Overall, it could be a situation of not wanting to relinquish control.
If the whole organization is interfering and putting pressure on you, is there a point where it becomes a “me or this engagement” situation? Or is it just about the venue, because you need to choose a point and move forward from there. If they’re getting involved in everything, there’s no end to this.
Even if you accept the salon, what will you do if they exert similar pressure on other matters after the engagement? If you need to draw a line, maybe it would be advantageous to draw it a bit earlier. Can you solve the issue without escalating it under the pretext of the salon?
Maybe the issue is entirely about creating a “first impression.” The family might think that if we start with lavishness at the engagement hall, everyone will take the wedding more seriously too. If you were to ask them, they would say they are investing in the wedding. Have they ever said something like that? Are they pushing with this logic?