I've noticed that my fiancée is constantly messaging her ex-boyfriend. In fact, she doesn't even respond to my messages, and she's sent a breakup message to her daughter. Honestly, I'm curious about what's going on, but I don't know the whole story. The situation is very strange; what do you think I should do about it?
What are you saying, just leave.
I experienced the same thing; I realized she was texting someone, and then I learned they still had emotional ties. When I confronted her, she denied it, but I had saved the messages. That was when I ended it.
Where did you notice the messages? Were you looking at them secretly or did you see them by mistake?
@yazipsildim I thought your phone was locked, but I accidentally left it open, that's how I saw it. But it doesn't feel like the first time, I always had a feeling something was off 🤔
@kahvebitmeden you ended it at that moment, and the person in question is engaged; is it that simple? After all, families have gotten involved.
There are two clear issues here: 1- Communicating with an ex is really unsettling and undermines the seriousness of the engagement. 2- Sending a breakup message is a major red flag. I think you should take screenshots of the messages and keep them saved before confronting him; things like this might be needed later.
it's hard for them to trust you now, I think you should ask openly and make a decision 😳
@hatconene are we really going to overlook things like this just because you're engaged now? Engagement is already a trial period for marriage anyway 🥲
Did you hear this breakup message story directly from your fiancé? I mean, what was the intent, what kind of mindset did they have while writing it? They might make some ridiculous explanation, but I think their attitude at that moment is important. Before seeing the message and saving it, I’d say check their feelings first.
Seeing the message and asking about the "intention" is okay, but in a situation like this, how much honesty is possible? If they haven't said anything until now, there's already a problem from the start.
The part where you say "I saw it by accident" is a bit vague. Just say directly that you saw it, are you weighing your intentions or are you trying to sort it out in your head first? It seems like a clear confrontation is needed at the beginning.
I accidentally saw the blurry part correctly, but the real question is this: you say it's not the first time, have you expressed these doubts to your fiancé before? If you didn't, suddenly escalating it this much would be contradictory. Clarify your own side as well.
"You say it's not the first time, but what did you notice before, how did you brush them off? Now you're taking it seriously under the pretext of engagement, but could it be that you've ended up here because of the things you initially tolerated and swept under the rug? If one side is not clear, the other will easily find a way to lie anyway.
I think we also need to discuss when this breakup message incident happened. For example, was it written before the engagement, or while engaged? Timing is just as important here as intention. They haven't discussed it based on a specific date 😂
If there is still some way of contact with an ex during the engagement process, has the bond between them truly been completely severed? Is this "breakup message" excuse a reflection of that bond? It seems like if there is such a simple gap from the outside, then the communication inside must also be weak.
Did you see the content of this breakup message? Was it just a direct "let's break up" or something more indirect? If they just wanted to break up, why are they still messaging their ex while being engaged? It's weird. I think there might have been some rush for the engagement; it seems like they're not entirely sure about it.
If there is contact with an ex and messages like "breakup message" are being written, we need to distinguish whether this is an indication of wanting to end the engagement or if it's just an attempt to close the old chapter. In other words, is this message merely a symbol, or is there a deeper dilemma at play? There seems to be a gap between what is being expressed and the intent behind it.
Content is important, of course, but are you sure the message was sent? Sometimes people write and delete, it might not have gone at all. Otherwise, we would be evaluating the other party's reaction here as well. The part about seeing the message and "not making an assessment" has to be solid first.
