My girlfriend has been secretly messaging her ex for a while. She is still in contact with him on social media. I saw it by chance. Sometimes she keeps texting while I'm right next to her. This is driving me crazy, but I don't want to break up. How do you think I should handle this situation?
No way. How are you swallowing this?
Mine was like that for a while too, always messaging... in the end, I found out he was talking to his ex. I went out and asked him directly, of course, he denied it. But it was already too late.
How long have you been messaging? Is this something ongoing or did you just notice it?
Well, frankly, if he keeps messaging when he’s with you, either there’s no good intention or he’s not serious. If you turn a blind eye to this, it’s definitely going to go downhill. Don't you say anything during this time? 😳
@hatconene you're right actually, I mentioned once that I'm uncomfortable, but they said 'you're just overreacting, we're just talking business.' I don't know how true that is.
@aklimkaldi A person who talks about work doesn’t message secretly. If they can’t show you, it means there’s something fishy going on.
just say directly: 'I'm feeling uncomfortable, I want you to be transparent about this issue.' see the reaction. I think if they're hiding something, the situation is shady.
this is not normal. complete transparency should be maintained in the relationship.
Everyone says 'talk, be transparent' and all that, but it's the other side that crossed the line here. I think this conversation might have gone beyond talking a long time ago. I would end it.
I think you should observe the constant messaging for a while. But if they are glued to their phone when you're around, that's a clear signal. If they can pick up the phone and talk directly, the "work" aspect might make sense, so pay attention to that too.
Do you get any hints about the content or timing of the messages? Does it create a constant urgency or a certain intensity according to what you call work? I think you can understand it based on these details.
If it's business messaging, then you need to see a responsibility or a result. While you are there, what is being solved or progressed with that phone? If they are just exchanging messages, then it doesn't seem very credible that it's "business."
The messaging style is also important; is it straightforward business talk or are there jokes, emojis, and so on in between? If the matter is serious, why are they messaging so frequently, or is it just casual chit-chat? Let's clarify that.
You've talked about "what's he doing", but how do you react when the messages start to become more frequent? Do you get tense, do you act cold, or do you become more friendly? Maybe things could also shape up depending on your approach, have you ever thought about that? 😅
Since so much work is being discussed, why aren't they starting meetings or solving it through emails? Constantly messaging feels like a strange choice; it seems more like a habit than work.
Have you tried directly saying to this person, "What's the big deal that you have to write so often, if I understood it I wouldn't die"? Maybe with a clear reaction, your stance towards the situation will become more defined. They might be continuing easily because you're staying silent.
Have you ever asked someone if they want details about their "work"? When you bring something like that up, do they go on the defensive, or do they share comfortably? I think the tone of communication is just as crucial as the seriousness of the matter 😳
Do you ever react subtly when you get a message while you're with someone? Like, sulking or creating a tense atmosphere... Your partner might sometimes feel uncomfortable with these kinds of passive reactions and start to hide it even more. Consider whether showing your reaction in a different way might help.
I think if there's this much workload, we need to dig a little deeper into the job details. What is the industry, and what is the position? Because some jobs might require constant communication, while others can't handle that much traffic at all. For example, if it were an architect, I'd be more relaxed, but if it were a combination like "interior designer + frequent messages + emojis," I'd pay more attention.
So, have you ever paid attention to the duration of constant messaging? Does it intensify at certain times of the day, or is it completely scattered? If there's continuous traffic, it might seem more like an addiction than work.
Does this person also show you the conversations they have at those times? For example, do they feel the need to explain, "Look, we're dealing with this task" or do they just brush it off and hang up the phone? The transparency in their behavior is important too.
If there are this many work messages, maybe wait for a moment when they’re handling things and throw in a light remark like, "Would you have been able to make it if you didn’t read all this correspondence?" Depending on their reaction, you can clarify your thoughts better. Does it seem work-focused, or is something else coming through?
