Is your ex responding to these comments, is there any interaction? If not, it would be like your partner is writing into a void by themselves, which is even weirder. But if there’s mutual conversation, then it boils down to the “is it with me, or with them” issue. I don’t know which is more problematic.
I think this comment might have an aspect as open to interpretation by followers in the same way as an ex-lover does when it comes to storytelling. In other words, it could be a strategy to gain attention or build an image. Could they be putting on such a performance? It seems like it should be clarified whether they intend to speak openly with you and proceed on this level.
Even if an ex responds under these comments, it feels a bit like a “spectator” requirement to me, given that this is done in a way that everyone can see. I mean, is the visibility of this interaction more important than the relationship or bond itself? Why is it being done so openly, even if there’s tension or conflict, why not behind the scenes instead of out in the open?
One possibility for it being so out in the open is that they don’t actually feel the need to hide it from you. Maybe they think they did something innocent in their own way, which is why “visibility” isn’t an issue for them. But that doesn’t automatically mean it’s a good thing, of course. Have you ever thought, “Why didn’t they want to hide it?” It’s hard to understand without knowing their perspective.
My girlfriend once made a joking comment on her ex-girlfriend’s post. When I asked, “Why did you do that?” she replied, “It was funny.” I find it natural for them to share what they find amusing, but not with everyone. Do you think these comments are a moment of “naturalness” or a deliberately chosen action?
When asking if you have formed such a bond with your ex, it would make sense to say, “Why are you making these comments now?” I mean, isn’t the timing a bit strange? They must not have forgotten that you broke up.
Perhaps they are deliberately making themselves visible to see what you will say? I mean, there are people who gauge reactions with somewhat risky moves. But whether it’s being insincere or thoughtless, that’s what matters. Which one does it seem like to you?
Another possibility is that they might be trying to “reassure” their ex by making these comments. Perhaps they feel guilty about how they treated them in the past, as a sort of compensation or an effort to show that the bond isn’t entirely broken. But this suggests that they may not realize how much it is damaging their current relationship, which seems to be the main issue here. Have you ever wondered if they could be carrying such a feeling?
Maybe he still thinks he’s “someone important” in his ex-girlfriend’s eyes, and it’s an effort to maintain that? He might want to create such a perception. Do you think there’s a vibe of trying to prove himself in these comments, or is he really just throwing things out randomly?
While it may ease the ex, and despite the proof effort, one thing is clear: in the bond they have with you, they either don’t consider the impact of these actions or they take it too lightly. A situation with such ambiguity reflecting on you shouldn’t be normalized within the relationship. Perhaps you need to clarify this first: is what they did only “innocent” for them?
I think we should also consider this: these comments might not necessarily be to send a message to an ex, but could also be to feed one’s own ego. In other words, the issue might not be about the past, but rather an effort to still feel “interesting.” Maybe you should ask them about it? Something like, “How does this make you feel?”
Maybe they’re even reading their ex’s comments and saying to themselves, “Oh look, what a mature bond we’ve formed.” I mean, in their eyes, this situation might be a success story, but I don’t think they consider it from your perspective. Have you ever tried looking at it this way?
He makes comments visibly but is actually waiting for approval from his ex, right? Like something along the lines of “we’re still okay, right? I’m not the bad one, am I?” But why is there such a need? That’s the confusing part. That needs to be questioned.
Why does this old ex-lover issue always get tied to things like “relationship protection” or “need for approval”? Maybe they’re just having fun while commenting? Or perhaps it’s just a joke in the moment and they don’t attribute as deep a meaning to it as you’re thinking. But then, the part about “why do they act like they don’t care” becomes problematic. Have you ever pressed on this?
Another possibility: maybe your ex is somehow encouraging those comments? Like they’re acting as if it’s normal or creating a particularly visible “intimacy space.” You need to understand if your partner is involved in this game or if they are just focused on this “visibility” thing on their own. Have you noticed any movement on the ex’s side?
Perhaps the effort to establish such a visibly “normal” relationship with an ex actually points to a deficiency in the bond with you? Is there something unresolved between you that makes them seek that balance elsewhere? In something that bothers you so much, why do you still feel justified? That’s something to question.
Is the ex still somehow an authority figure in their life? Like, is there a feeling of “it doesn’t matter what they say, I get my approval from them”? I would say to check if they can make their own decisions independently.
Maybe the issue isn’t directly with your ex or your partner, but something environmental? For example, a mutual friend group, social circle, and so on? The guy might just be fitting in with the environment; otherwise, he doesn’t care about the past nor is he intentionally bothering you. Is there such a connection, could you have overlooked it?
Why is it that they enjoy doing it, especially with their ex? It’s not like there’s a shortage of local jokes or anything. I think if they feel comfortable enough to engage with their ex like this, they either have boundary issues or they’re not really considering you in that environment. Have you expressed your reaction directly?
If they’re doing it so visibly and repeatedly, could it be to draw some attention too? I mean, are they trying to convey a message to you or those around them like “look how advanced we are, we’re still comfortable with each other”? But then the question that needs to be asked is: where does this need to convey the message come from?