I received an offer for a position abroad from a large corporate company. The salary and benefits are amazing; I don’t know if I’ll get such an opportunity again. But my girlfriend is literally saying, ‘If you want to go, go, but our relationship will end.’ I’m really confused; in this situation, should love or career take priority?
I’ve been through something similar, so I understand very well. When I was considering going to Australia, my ex said the same thing. “If you go, you’ll come all the way back,” he literally said. It was hard to make a decision at first, but then I looked back and thought, was there any meaning in giving up my dream for that person? There wasn’t. I went, maybe I cried for two months, but I’m not regretful now. At that time, it gets confusing, so don’t listen to your heart’s voice or anything.
I swear, the phrase ‘while I’m dreaming of something, you go’ often comes up in these relationships. My sister also faced a crisis when she got a job offer abroad. But she said, ‘If I don’t accept, I might not get another offer.’ She went, the guy slammed the door but in the end, there was no divorce. Men usually threaten like this, but most of the time, they reconcile. Don’t give up right away.
So, you say your offer is amazing, but isn’t your partner a bit right too? It seems to me that you are kind of giving the guy the signal of “I can leave you.” It’s not unreasonable for him to say “our relationship is over.” It was already hard to be that distant in a relationship. That’s why I think you should sit down and really think a bit more about what the person in front of you is experiencing and their fears.
In large corporate firms, international rotations usually accelerate employees’ careers and significantly increase their chances of promotion in the future. If you refuse, your likelihood of being accepted for a similar position in the future may decrease, as it creates the perception of being ‘not ready for action.’ You could try to explain to your partner that this is a long-term investment. Being attentive in your communication helps make your relationship healthier in the long run. However, for a clear decision, it would be wise to think multidimensionally and seek help from a consultant if necessary.
Let me update you, thank you for some comments as they touched on important details. I didn’t realize at first that my partner felt so fragile. But she clearly said, ‘I don’t want you to go because it feels like I’m losing you here.’ So this dream thing seems to be quite serious after all. I guess we need to talk a bit more. But the offer still sounds very tempting.
I’m really sorry, but I think these kinds of relationship dramas are truly exhausting. I’ve seen the same situation with two people in my friend group. When the girl went to America for an exchange, the guy here had a crying fit, but in the end, they reconciled after 4 months. So you can manage a long-distance relationship. This “it’s either me or going abroad” attitude seems very selfish to me. Don’t miss out on what seems like a dream opportunity.
I can’t believe those who say, ‘that guy loves you, so he’s not wrong.’ I mean, love isn’t about stuff like this. If someone really wants you to give up on your dreams for them, I would honestly question their love. Because if you love someone, you ask how you can solve it together, you don’t dictate your decision alone. This is your life after all.
As I was writing this, I really took a trip down memory lane. I experienced something similar for a while. My job opportunity was in İzmir, but the guy literally said, ‘If we can’t meet every day, we’ll lose touch.’ I was very sad, but I accepted the offer because if I hadn’t taken that job, I wouldn’t be in my current position. Now that former lover is married with kids, but I’m in the career I missed. So don’t hold yourself back just to make someone else happy.
What kind of logic is this? Someone wrote above, “your partner has every right to be upset” or something like that. I’m sorry, but there’s no such thing in life. People focus on their own achievements individually first. Especially when it comes to work matters. Instead of being someone who leans on their partner, I would choose to be someone who has achieved something myself. The partner needs to respect this. If they want, they can come with you too; what’s with this threat or whatever?
If I were in that position, I would have asked it directly in a clear sentence instead of letting it grow within me. But I think the key point to consider is when they switch to defense or divert the topic back to you while answering.