I have to get up early tomorrow, and I’m not feeling well tonight either. My spouse said they wanted to be intimate, and when I said I was tired, things got tense between us. In a situation like this, does turning down your spouse’s advances come across as disinterest to them? For me, it’s not about a lack of love; I genuinely just don’t feel ready in that moment.
If you're sick and tired, it's completely understandable not to want to. They shouldn't turn it into an argument.
Expressing a desire is one thing; expecting the other person to agree is another. For example, not being intimate one evening because of exhaustion doesn’t, on its own, mean the relationship is going badly; but if it happens often, both people can talk about what they need. In the moment, though, a “no” must be accepted without argument.
@caybardagi I don’t want them to see this as a lack of interest either. The main thing we get tense about is that when I say no, they immediately talk as if there’s a problem between us. I also need to avoid belittling what they want, but I don’t want to force myself that night.
Farukcan, talking about it is a good idea, but bringing it up after every rejection can also create pressure. Sometimes the answer is simply “I don’t want to right now”; you need to accept that without drawing some big conclusion about the relationship.
