My aunt asked about my boyfriend’s salary, and I instantly became tense. We really shouldn’t get into these topics, but somehow everyone seems to meddle in each other’s affairs. Now I’m stuck with questions like ‘Is this relationship right?’ going around in my head. Do you think this much pressure is normal?
13 Answers
13it’s classic for yengeler to stick their noses into everything like this. My in-laws used to question things like salary and rent back when my wife and I were just dating. Still, I think you should support your partner; these things are taken seriously by the other side later on.
Has this aunt asked something like this for the first time? Is there always an intrusive situation?
@kirmizikazak actually not new, she always asks questions like this. but this time, asking about the salary out of the blue in front of my girlfriend felt really forced.
@soncaykaldi but why does he want to know his girlfriend’s salary? Is it just out of curiosity, or is there a family budgeting issue? I find it a bit strange 
It’s common for families to engage in such topics due to control or evaluation habits. It’s normal to perceive this as an infringement of personal boundaries; interrupt firmly but gently. It would also be good to openly discuss these family dynamics with your partner.
You’ve written ‘I lost my mind’ in the title, but you seem to be calm. I wish you had shown a clear stance at that moment, so your aunt would know her limits.
I would just get up from the table, it’s none of anyone’s business.
Did your girlfriend say anything else troubling before asking about your salary? If this isn’t the first time, how does your partner react to things like this? Has it affected her? Because sometimes, questions like this are not just aimed at the partner, but also meant to test the relationship.
How did your partner respond to this? I mean, were they upset about it or did they brush it off? Their reaction also shows how much they were affected by their sister-in-law.
It’s reasonable to be curious about your partner’s reaction, but I think the really interesting part is why your sister-in-law is acting so casually around your partner. Do you think this is just her being blunt, or could it also stem from your partner not directly setting boundaries? Because this casualness is definitely rooted in something.
If your aunt has asked special questions like this before, it’s no coincidence that she’s doing it in front of your girlfriend. She might be trying to gauge your girlfriend’s reaction or embarrass you. But I think the issue isn’t how your girlfriend reacts to it, but whether you set a boundary there; because your aunt’s ease may also be drawing some confidence from you.
Your sister-in-law’s ease may draw courage from either her partner or you, but sometimes such people are naturally relaxed and speak in their own way, regardless of who they are talking to. However, it’s worth asking: do you really know why your sister-in-law is asking such a question? She may not be directly after salary; she could be probing with a different intent.
Maybe the issue isn’t about your partner’s job or salary, but rather your aunt’s attempt to assert dominance by asking, “Is there someone in my field?” Sometimes such questions are meant to assess the environment rather than the people. She might be trying to figure out if someone at the table is outside her usual order.