When my boyfriend saw my new underwear, he said, ‘Why do you always buy such plain things?’ I told him that I was already uncomfortable during that time and I couldn’t deal with lace and all that. But afterwards, he really sulked. Do you think this is jealousy or a desire to control? Should I wear what I like, or should I find a middle ground?
I think there’s another issue here. Is there really something to get upset about when it comes to laundry? This sensitivity might stem from a different topic rather than just ‘appearance.’ Has she shown similar jealousy in the past?
Honey, during that time, a person already struggles to carry themselves. Lace and such are not a big deal. Take care of yourself, don’t go through pain just for that. If she were my daughter, I would literally say the same thing.
No one listens to things like menstrual periods around here; on the contrary, things like ‘you should always look good’ are said. But don’t do something that makes you uncomfortable just to please someone else. Will you even have to account for your underwear?
But there’s something like this, constantly thinking ‘I want it, you wear it’ is not right either. Your body, your choices. The person you call your partner doesn’t impose themselves, they support you. What’s this ‘I don’t want you to wear that’ nonsense?
Such situations may actually indicate a violation of boundaries. It’s important to respect individual preferences in relationships. If their feelings about your laundry become more important than considering your physical and psychological comfort, then it’s necessary to highlight something.
Update: I tried talking to him again, and he said, ‘I just want you to be a more considerate person.’ But the thing is, my issue isn’t consideration; I’m already going through a difficult period. Anyway, he sulked again, and it seems like the subject is closed.
What she said stuck in my mind: ‘If I don’t want her to wear it, then I don’t want her to wear it, that’s the thing!’ Sorry, but that’s not the issue. Is what she wants really more important than your discomfort? I think this is what should be discussed.
Well, I’d say you’re not entirely wrong from one perspective. Partners should show some compatibility in certain matters to establish balance in the relationship. But it feels a bit forced to sulk over such a specific issue. Try to persuade a bit, maybe there’s something he doesn’t understand.
Oh, I totally imagined that. You wake up in the morning, you’re already tense from that time, and then this kind of topic comes up… Honestly, that would be frustrating. The best thing you can do is say, in an appropriate tone but clearly, ‘this isn’t worth discussing, I need to stay chill’ 