I made a sudden plan with my friends; weâre going out of town for the weekend, but I feel like my family wouldnât allow it if I told them. Either Iâll lie before I go, or Iâll go without even letting them know. But honestly, Iâm feeling guilty. What if something happens to me? What do you think I should do in this situation? Is it reasonable to ask my family, or should I just do my own thing?
7 Answers
7I went through the same thing last year. We planned to go from Istanbul to Sapanca with friends. I didnât have the courage to tell my family, but to be honest, I was really scared that something would happen to me. In the end, I told a half-truth; I said, âI will stay over at a friendâsâ but didnât mention going out of town. Itâs a bit of a risky situation, but it really depends on how comfortable you feel.
I had done the same when I first started at university. We had gone from Ankara to EskiĆehir for a festival. I hadnât informed anyone, and when they found out later, they were quite angry. But I have to admit, Iâm regretful. Because I acted without considering what could happen. If there had been a problem and they couldnât reach me, it would have created a really bad situation.
But I mean, friends, doesnât constantly giving advice to âhide it from your familyâ seem a bit dangerous? At some point, you need to take responsibility. If something happens and your family has no idea, thatâs chaos in itself. Iâm not outright saying âdonât go,â but doesnât running things like this in the background put both you and them in a tough spot?
The important thing here is this: If youâre experiencing communication problems with your family and feel like youâre in an environment where you canât ask for permission, this could create other problems in the long run. Details like going out of town are undoubtedly based on trust. Also, in such a situation, itâs crucial for your own safety to inform someone where you are going. If you feel guilty psychologically, it already shows that you are not being honest with yourself.
A few of you have already written, and you are really right. I donât actually want to lie that much, but Iâm indecisive because I know how my family will react. I donât think theyâll blow it up this much, but I feel like theyâll fixate on the âWhy did you hide it?â part. It really is just as you said, a matter of trust.
My mom was like that too. There was this one time I was going to Antalya for a friendâs wedding, and I didnât even bother to inform her. When I got back, she found out and was so mad⊠Then during our conversation, she said, âIf there was an accident, do you think we would let you go free?â I realized it was related to safety. I think your family thinks in a similar way.
Let me tell you something, be honest. If youâre having so much conflict with your family, could you be giving up right from the start with the excuse of âThey wonât let me anywayâ? What if you sat down and clearly said, âLook, I want to go, so Iâm going to do this for my safetyâ? Maybe it wouldnât turn out so badly, I think.