My family wants to marry me off to a friend of my cousin's. They keep bringing it up, saying things like 'He's very suitable, he has a good salary.' But I don't even know him, and I'm not ready for something like that. How can I say no clearly? I don't want to ruin our relationship, but I'm really feeling overwhelmed.
It happened to me too; my relatives intended to marry me off to my cousin. They kept saying things like 'he's a really good guy', 'he has a decent salary', and honestly, it got really annoying. In the end, I just said directly, 'I'm not in the mindset to think about marriage, things like this stress me out,' and they actually fell silent. You need to be straightforward; otherwise, they won't let it go.
This is what happened: my family was literally "the perfect in-law" and they bugged me every day. In the end, I sat down and said, "Look, I don't want this, I would say no, and that would be the end of it, but I'm going along with it so that we don't have problems between us." This open communication worked, and they never brought it up again.
There's this constant phrase 'suitable, good salary' swirling around in your head, it's maddening. Especially if you know nothing about the person in front of you, the tension rises even more. I get you, I don't think these feelings can be communicated without words.
But it seems like you weren't straightforward from the beginning either. If you had said 'I don't want something like this' until now, maybe they wouldn’t have insisted so much. If you just go along with everything out of fear that your relationship might be ruined, people will always take advantage of you. 😅
I think you should just speak directly, clearly say 'I'm not thinking about marriage right now, I'm not ready.' But it would be better if they understand calmly, without getting angry. Don't be afraid that it will ruin your relationship; if you're not happy, everyone else will be unhappy anyway 😅
It's clear that you're in an emotional place, and I empathize with you. However, this type of family pressure usually starts with good intentions but can become overwhelming over time. It's essential to express your discomfort clearly and honestly. If necessary, getting support from a family therapist can be beneficial.
Let me add this, actually the issue may not seem big from the outside, but I am really drowning inside. My cousin's friend has also started messaging me from time to time, and I'm unsure whether to talk to my family or speak directly with the guy. Which would be more effective?
I think your cousin might have talked to his friend too. Is this family arranging these messages or is that kid writing them himself? It looks like something has been planned. While it's not certain, there might be a foundation for this much insistence.
