Sometimes I reach a point where expressing my own desires feels like I've committed a crime. Every time, my mom starts with, "If you only knew what I've been through..." and everything I say gets dismissed. Is making my own decisions selfish, or is doing what she wants self-sacrifice? I'm all mixed up. Who do you think is right?
I swear I went through the same thing, my mom would always say, 'I suffered at your age, you need to make some sacrifices too.' I always did what she wanted, but what did I gain? I practically lost myself. I went to therapy, and I got a bit better, but it's still tough.
I think the first step is to sit down and talk openly. If you say, 'Mom, I feel guilty when I express my wants, why is that?' she might realize it. But if it doesn't work after a while, seek support from a therapist or try talking to a family friend.
I need to say something, but don't get mad; maybe you really are feeling a lot of selfishness? Because when mothers say, 'If you knew what I've been through,' it's usually not without reason. I think you should really listen to your mother's past, empathize with her. If she says she's in such a tough situation, maybe you have been putting too much pressure on her.
if my mom came into my room and rummaged through my bag, that's irritating. You can try talking to her about it. Understand her feelings but there's no need to overanalyze.
Let me add this, it actually seems to me that my mom sometimes is aware of what she's doing. But then we end up back in the same situation, it's like a loop. That's why it feels like I'm stuck no matter what I do. Maybe I could try having a talk at the beginning 🤷♀️
