Today while shopping with my mom, I bought a black lace underwear, and she literally asked, ‘Why are you buying black? It looks dirty during your period.’ Like, how does a mind that thinks in such detail work? I already pay attention to hygiene, so why are there such oppressive people? Have you experienced things like this too?
My mom thinks the same way; she freaked out last year because I bought a black sports bra instead of white. She says it will look “dirty” and all that, but I change daily anyway. I think they have some old habits stuck in their heads; it has nothing to do with hygiene.
'Didn’t she just say something like, ‘A woman wearing black lace is definitely up to something’? My mom would say that directly. I think she’s using the cleaning part as an excuse; she’s fixated on something else, in my opinion.
Here, besides the hygiene aspect being checked by mothers, a cultural perception seems to play a role. Black underwear is still considered by some as an indicator of ‘special intention.’ But from a cleanliness perspective, the color has nothing to do with hygiene; it’s just that stains are less visible. It’s important to change them regularly every day, that’s all.
I’m not defending my mother, but is there really someone who dresses in black just to say “let it be dirty”? To me, the issue here isn’t cleanliness, but questioning the reality of the choice you’ve made. The part about “why are you dressing like that” feels more oppressive to me.
Let me update you, my mom literally said ‘if nobody is going to see it, why are you buying the lacy one?’ So I guess it’s shifting more from cleaning to showing it off to someone else. But what am I going to show at home?
Without getting too hung up on what your mom says, I think you should just explain and move on. Say something like, ‘It’s just a habit, I want to feel good about myself, that’s the only reason.’ Saying something reassuring instead of arguing will probably reduce these questions.
My daughter, your mother may be saying this to protect you. In the past, there used to be a lot of this, they would make you wear light-colored underwear so that we could understand cleanliness by sight. But now there are washing machines, it’s not the old system. If you explain, she will understand too.
At that point, no one is really thinking about what they’re wearing. I think your mom just panicked because of the “black is seductive” cliché. We had this girl in our dorm who would throw shade saying, “Why are you sleeping without a bra? Is there an intention?” People overthink too much.