Every time, my mom points out my aunt's daughter as an example. She says she's better at math, that they travel more, and so on. To be honest, it's become unbearable; I feel bad every time I hear these questions. This approach really stresses me out. How can I cope with my family?
Honestly, we had a similar situation with my cousin. My mom would constantly use my cousin as an example, talking about what she wore, what she did, and so on. I used to care a lot about it when I was a teenager, but now I just let her do her own thing. But what I’m saying takes patience; don’t expect a miracle.
Is this comparison constant? Doesn't it praise you for anything, even the smallest thing?
@cokdaseyapma Sometimes she says such nice things, but when it comes to my aunt's daughter, it always turns into comparisons. If she starts, it always ends up the same.
@kirmizikazak everyone keeps saying patience, but how long can you hold on under this pressure? The more you put yourself into their evaluation system, the more affected you become. I think there should be a direct response to these comparisons.
Such comparisons can create serious self-confidence issues in children. It would be better to take steps towards softening family communication. Consulting a specialist may also be beneficial because if the problem persists, it could grow larger.
@uykuarasi but what kind of thing can be planned when we talk about reacting? Speak calmly, if you get angry, it will just escalate the situation. From my own experience, I can say that reactions can sometimes backfire.
It really seems very oppressive.
Have you ever directly said to someone, "These comparisons make me feel bad"? If you haven't confronted them yet, maybe they aren't even aware of how much it affects you. It's hard to expect change without bringing up the topic.
The question is: How does the topic close after this comparison? I mean, do you say something, does a discussion arise, or do you just bite your tongue and stay silent? Because your reaction after that comparison actually determines the continuation of the event 🫣
Have you ever tried bringing up the topic by comparing it to your aunt's daughter? Like saying, "I understand she's like that, but I have this side to me" as a response that directly offers an alternative to the comparison. Maybe it would help close the topic in that context.
If your aunt is praising the girl so much, could your mother be in a competition with her? Does your aunt get the feeling that something like that is going on in your family? I think the issue might not be just comparing you. There could be another subtle competition happening.
Can you think carefully about your reaction to this comparison and repeat it again in front of your mother? For example, if you are being silent, that might be exactly why it's continuing. She might be interpreting your silence as approval. Review your reaction.
Could it be that your aunt's daughter being so much an "example" when making another comparison is actually an expression of something she feels is lacking in her own life? In other words, even if it seems like she's helping you improve, she might be trying to complete herself through you. Have you ever considered that side?
