Things got heated in the friend group when the quiet guy was praised

You don't get too angry, but I wouldn't be lying if I said I didn't laugh at the sentence. If she is cleaning the window in her own house, she hasn't earned a medal, she has just gained the right to a cloth.

As a man, I find it strange to hear "kudos" just for cleaning the windows. Do we applaud when someone uses the sink too?

The phrase "it doesn't suit you" really wore me out. So if fabric doesn't suit you, does that mean dust does? 🤷‍♀️

It's not about the glass here, it's about the stage. Once someone takes the cloth in their hand, everyone starts to take sides.

@miniksercefan I condemn you and I am preparing 3 paragraphs for this analogy. Because it has indeed turned out that way.

I've been married for 18 years, and in the early years, when my wife washed the dishes, her mother would call and say, 'I hope my son doesn't get too tired.' As if doing the dishes was like working in a mine.

It's not the man who does housework; it's the man who wants a press release when he does housework that is the problem.

There is nothing to be proud of.

This is where what we call invisible labor explodes. When a woman does it for years, it's a duty; when a man does it once, it becomes a character reference. This is the crux of the debate.

Okay, but someone might have praised it with good intentions. Isn't it exhausting to open a social case for every "well done" statement?

@tersminder we didn't open the file, it's already sitting open in the middle of the house. When a woman does it, no one sees it, but when a man does it, the spotlight turns on.

My dad used to sweep at home, and my mom took care of repairs. Even in the village, some things weren't so rigid, I don't understand why it gets so tense in the city 😳

When my neighbor's husband washed the balcony, it was talked about in the apartment for two days. The woman washes that same balcony every week, and nobody even mentions her name.

I'm sharing grocery shopping, the bathroom, and vacuuming. I don't want praise, but I've also cut out friends who say, 'You've become a housewife.'

When I read the headline, I thought the guy was playing music while cleaning the window and doing a dramatic cleaning. That version was more peaceful.

@gecegece I wish the topic was that. Glass + song + cloth = the aesthetics of Sunday cleaning.

The discussion only got from cleanliness to character battle in the 16th reply, our pace is good 😅

It's normal for men to help with housework, what's wrong with that? These are gender stereotypes.

I am 24 years old, my roommate is male, and we both clean. It's still strange to talk about this like it's an ideological issue.

In the past, women took care of the inside of the house, and men handled the outside. But now women are also working. In that case, men will have to change diapers too; there's no other way.

Even 'there's no other way' felt like a blessing to me. Not because there's a way, but because we share a home.

If it's a shared space, it's also a shared responsibility. That's my measurement. Whoever arrives early starts the meal, and whoever is available hangs the laundry.

My ex used to send a photo when she hung the laundry. 'Look, I did it,' she'd say. When I replied, 'Should I post my story every day?' she'd get upset.

@kirlisepetim it's the same. You can't live with someone who becomes the household hero just because they washed a dish.

As a man, let me add that some women push men away saying, 'you leave it, I'll do it.' Then the guy really doesn't learn.

@balkonperdesi that's right, because most women do it to avoid having to deal with it twice at the end of the job. Teaching is also left to women, that's the issue.

In a friend group, when I say 'I'm vacuuming the house', two types of reactions come up: one makes fun of me, and the other looks at me as if I've just won a Nobel Prize. Both are ridiculous.

I've prepared some remarks for @pazarertesi's message because the Nobel part is correct. In our country, a photo of a man holding a mop would make headlines.

Guys, the tone is slipping a bit. The topic was about a window cleaner, let’s not involve anyone's family. These kinds of headlines always go off the rails from here.

@eskiuyelik nobody has entered the family yet, but it's felt, it's not long now.

I think the debate about the man wiping the glass is like a dry cloth when it’s still damp. Everyone leaves a mark, but no one really cleans the glass.

I both agreed with this sentence and I don't know what I read.

I'm the subject here, let me add this: my spouse didn't raise this issue. It was friends who did. My spouse also said, 'Why are we in the spotlight just because I cleaned the window?'.

Then your spouse is normal, the environment is more ceremonial. The man has cleaned the glass, the assembly has been opened.

Exactly for this reason, the issue is not individual equality but the environment. Sometimes, the applause and shame from the surroundings amplify the burden on women more than from men.

Is praising bad? A person can compliment when they see good behavior. Let’s not reach a point where this is completely prohibited 🙄

@tersminder that's not good behavior, it's a shared responsibility. The problem starts when you erase the difference.

I'm looking after my grandson, and I'm also cooking. When someone says, 'You're such a good grandfather,' it makes me happy, but you're right, no one says that to the grandmother 🫣

@cayibardakta look at this honest answer. There's a difference between being pleasing and the system being crooked 😮‍💨

In such discussions, the issue always shifts from the topic to a personal conflict, and here we have also veered from the subject to character analysis.

@miniksercefan the rhythm is always like this: someone says something sweet, someone makes a silly comparison, and then everyone comes with their chair. Instead of a chair, there's a mop here.

I'm still stuck with the person who says 'it doesn't suit you'. Does a socket look good, for example? Does ironing ruin the masculinity of electricity?

If @utuprizi is disrupting the electricity service, let's say the woman should also pay the bill to make it fair.

The cleanest method in these matters is a list. You write down who is doing what on a weekly basis, and both heroism and victimization diminish.

They shouldn't write 'help' on the list either. Not help, it's what they deserve 🤷‍♀️

@supurgekablosu alright, but everyone has different workloads. Sometimes one person does more; the issue isn't the count but the balance.

Balance is disrupted when it's visible. When a woman gets tired, she's accused of 'overdoing it,' and when a man gets tired, it's said that 'he worked a lot today.' 🙄

My mom still tells my brother, 'you sit down, I'll pick it up.' Then she told me, 'don't spoil your husband.' Household training is deteriorating within the family.

This title is actually not about housework, but rather about raising a boy at home as if he were a guest.

@ortayakarisik3 exactly. Girls automatically connect to everything like the house's bluetooth device 🥲

The Bluetooth analogy is good but bitter. The 'guest boy' syndrome is pretty prevalent.

In our time, they didn't let boys do much work, that's true. Now, I am teaching my son how to cook. People change, even if it's late.

@kirecbaglamis this is the response I wanted to see. Ideas can change without fighting.

I get a bit hurt by this praise issue. Because when a woman gets tired, nobody says 'well done', they just look at what is lacking.

@sungerliyorum exactly this. The clean side of the house is invisible, while the dirty side is immediately recorded in the woman's domain.

Some men should also learn this: when you do a job and say "I helped," it makes the other person the owner of the house and yourself a guest.

@berjerkoltuk "I helped" is a red flag for me too. It's like they washed their own glass and opened a charity.

If someone helped, why are they being praised for such a simple thing? It's your house, didn't they help too?

I used to say I was helping the lady, and she would correct me saying 'not me, but the house.' She was right. Changing the language also changes the mindset.

@pazarfilesi look, I loved this message. You understood without going on the defense.

Well, isn't it a bit exhausting to discuss everything through language? The guy is working, and he's being judged just because he chose the wrong word.

@tersminder the word is not separate from behavior. When you say 'Help', you are returning the responsibility to its owner. This is not just a simple spelling issue.

The topic has turned into a word battle again. But if the rhythm is like this, fine, keep going, I made tea.

Why is this title so blurry?

I think Adam would release amazing songs.

@gecegece "Smile, let the fog on the glass clear."

It's really bad but I laughed 😂

I condemn this joke, yet I still prepared its chorus.

Joking aside, a misunderstanding of a statement in such headlines carries the entire discussion. What is misunderstood here is masculinity.

@camasiraskisi masculinity is not misunderstood, sometimes men take the part that suits them on purpose. I'm saying this as a man 🙂

The balcony curtain unexpectedly received a redemption arc today.

@utuprizi at first I went on the defensive, yes. Then after reading the comments, I also got caught on the word 'help.'

That's why talking helps. It reflects a person without having to shout.

I would still like to make my mother-in-law read this title. It would do good to those who fainted over "Did my son clean the windows?"

@komsuyagittim my future mother-in-law would have blocked me if she read this.

If they block it, you'll ask who will clean the window.

Practical suggestion: do a weekend cleaning before getting married or living together. It yields better results than a character test.

Let's open the topic with a sink test.

@marketposeti is right. In holiday plans, everyone is romantic, but when the toilet gets clogged, the real person comes out.

A clogged sink is a litmus test for relationships; let's leave that here.

Because no one is completely wrong, but some are too right. That's how the title goes.

At first, I thought in an old-fashioned way, but after reading what the girls wrote, I agreed. Boys need to be taught skills; otherwise, they become a burden to their partners in the future.

@kirecbaglamis I wish more dads would say this. Mothers can't raise kids alone because the father's laziness sets a bad example too.

I won't tell my friend group from now on that I cleaned windows. I will be a normal person, not a secret hero.

@pazarertesi explain it, but don’t expect applause. Sometimes it’s good for young people to correct each other like this.

Summary of the headline: When men do housework, the news value should end. Equality doesn’t start until the news value ends.

Returning to the topic owner: you didn't get too angry. You just questioned what your surroundings consider normal. 😬

@kapisonra thank you. There's no problem with my spouse, I got a bit tense with the friend group. I will show this title to her too, but especially Hatconene's comment.

Show me, girl. Let your spouse know that you don't become a hero by cleaning windows, but not causing a fight while cleaning them is a good quality.

The last sentence is beautiful: it's not enough to do the job, you need to market it like a blessing.

I still think some points are viewed too harshly, but I've been convinced on the part regarding the word 'help.' If it's a shared home, it's not help.

@tersminder this is already a big improvement. Normally, by now, three people would have slammed the door and left.

In such headlines, someone would make a comment about something completely different on page 47, and everyone would forget the topic. At least here, the glass is still in the frame.

@miniksercefan There is glass in the frame, there is a stain on the glass, and there is society in the stain. I condemn this and I love it.

After this poetic ending, can someone really please clean the windows?

I erased it, but a mark remained. Just like this discussion.

Okay, we're dispersing. Result: the cloth is genderless, applause is given in a controlled manner, the spirit of old debates is dangerous.

After this title, I will clean the windows tomorrow, but I won't tell anyone. With inner peace.

Don't just say it, do it together. That's the whole point 🤔