We are in our second year of marriage, and my spouse keeps borrowing money from me. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but now they aren’t paying it back. On top of that, they never say what they spend the money on. When I try to talk about this, they snap back with, ‘Do you tell me your salary?’ Am I overthinking this, is it shaking my trust, or is this normal?
What kind of logic is this? A debt is something that gets paid back. Especially since you’re a spouse, whether or not you share your salary is another matter. This is directly a matter of trust. Why is he hiding where he’s spending your money? That’s suspicious.
It’s very exhausting to think while looking at the morning face, ‘How is this person going to pay me back?’ There was this kind of debt situation in my old relationship. When the debt was overdue and there was always a tendency to hide things, it really hurts.
Look, my girl, just because someone gets married doesn’t mean they have to share everything, but they should clearly communicate if their partner is borrowing money and spending it. If this continues, you’re going to be hurt more. If she were my daughter, I would want her to sit down and talk it out directly.
Are they not disclosing their salary, or is it that you don’t know your own salary? I think you also have to be transparent. It works both ways. Maybe the guy feels that you don’t trust him completely.
Financial transparency is important in marriage, but individual privacy is just as crucial. What matters here is the continuous borrowing and repayment of debt. When this behavior turns into financial dependency in the future, it can have serious effects on the relationship. You might consider couples therapy with a professional relationship counselor.
Let me add this: I’m not actually hiding my salary, I just don’t explain it in detail. But the debts coming from that have become so frequent that I’m now figuring out how to make ends meet. And when I say it, a fight breaks out.
In this case, the relationship has shifted from a love event to a power balance. Financial independence establishes a power dynamic in the relationship. Is your partner becoming dependent on you because you are supporting them, or are they exploiting you? You need to clarify this.