My spouse admitted to chatting with their ex

I think for a guy, it could be that instead of completely ignoring his ex when she reaches out, he might want to clarify things. He may have thought that if he says no to things like "Can we be friends?", he might become aggressive. Of course, this may or may not be true. But he might have relaxed in his mind, thinking "nothing is happening anyway". His explanation seems like a more open communication situation.

It's important to be clear in such situations. When expressing your feelings, remain calm but assertive. Try saying, "We have respect for each other's pasts, but we should not cross any boundaries." Discuss how your partner might react if that woman calls or messages again. If necessary, you can consult a marriage therapist.

But look, it's really strange that she's staying silent about why she responded to your ex's message. I mean, honesty is one thing, but saying "we talked for a while" knowing it would upset you is a bit thoughtless. You really don't know if she's done with it. In this situation, it seems like you might blame yourself, but you should actually stop and question why she's so at ease with it.

These are small but risky issues that can occur in most relationships. Boundary violations in relationships tend to start when there's a tiny opening. At this point, you need to evaluate whether he is trying to maintain a connection with his ex. Why did your partner continue with someone who asked, 'Can we stay friends?' and was honest with you? This honesty could also be a sign of his guilt. Such situations progress more healthily with couple therapists, as they are viewed and assessed from a neutral standpoint.

Let me add that his ex-girlfriend lives in another city. So I'm sure there wasn't any kind of meeting. But, as you said, I don't fully understand why my spouse still responds and why he continued during that time. When we talked about this, he said, 'I had no bad intentions, I just cut it off anyway.' But the issue of trust is literally eating me up.

It's already interesting that it's in another city. But do you know the details of the messaging duration? How many days did it last, what did they talk about, for example? They say "I just guessed" but what was discussed until then can be quite telling. I think it's also possible that they are completely honest, but what if your ex has another agenda? Check that part a little more closely.